


Cosmic Love

by emquin



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: CACW fix it, CACW reaction, Fix It Fic, M/M, Mpreg, Post-Civil War, Stony - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-24
Updated: 2016-09-22
Packaged: 2018-06-10 12:55:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 74,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6957361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emquin/pseuds/emquin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after the events of Captain America: Civil War, Tony and Steve have been broken and torn apart by the Accords and the choices they've made. But those that are meant to be have a way of making their way back to each other specially since it won't just be the two of them any longer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The stars, the moon, they have all been blown out

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Stony fic even though I have shipped these two since the first Avengers movie. I've just never had an idea interesting enough to really dive into writing them. Until I saw CACW, that changed things for me. 
> 
> This is also my first MPreg fic. I've never really found a reason to write MPreg and a part of me wanted to write that out of this, but I also really wanted it to happen. I wanted to add that extra thing atop everything else. There's an explanation for why it's possible somewhere in the fic. Actually, most things are explained throughout the fic, but if there are any questions for why I've made certain choices, send them my way. I've thought about it a lot, so I probably have an answer. 
> 
> The title is the name of a Florence and the Machine song that really resonated with me while working on this fic, so if you haven't, give it a listen. Enjoy. (also chapter titles will probably come from Florence and the Machine lyrics)
> 
> This first chapter deals with Tony. The second one will be about Steve and I have most of it written already.

**One Month Along**

There were consequences. Tony might have thought it funny if it happened to anyone else, but as it was, the situation was everything except funny. It was disastrous, and alarming, and a downright tragedy. Tony mostly spent his time helping Rhodey and keeping Spider-Man’s identity quiet when he wasn’t stalling with Ross or trying his hardest at fixing everything. When Steve’s letter arrived, he almost burned it without reading it. The phone he threw against the nearest wall and then he let Dum-E pick up all the pieces and add them into the trash. 

Then, Tony buried himself in research. He managed a call to Pepper to beg for help and he wasn’t surprised when she showed up at the Avenger compound a mere hour later. 

“This is a PR nightmare,” she said after kissing his cheek, “I don’t know how you get yourself into these messes.”

Tony managed a laugh. “There’s so much, so much, that you don’t know, Pep.”

Pepper reached for his hand and her small delicate fingers held on tight. “I’m so sorry, Tony,” she said, “I know what he meant to you.”

“Yeah, well, his loss,” Tony said, “really it was bound to happen. I’m a manic genius who can barely be relied on and he was always still in love with his Bucky.”

Pepper gasped. “You don’t think they were together,” she said.

Tony shrugged his shoulders. He was so tired. “Does it matter?” he asked, “it doesn’t change things.”

The betrayal settled on his shoulders like an added weight that Tony didn’t need to carry around with him. He hated how broken he’d been left. His mind couldn’t bury the images of that last fight. Steve standing over him with the shield, the shield cracking his reactor. Tony gasped for breath. Pepper wrapped her arms around him. It would have been easier if Tony just stayed with her and if could have loved her the way that she needed to be loved. 

“I’m sorry,” Tony whispered. 

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Pepper answered, “now, Mr. Stark, how can I help?”

Tony tried to laugh, but settled for a smile. “Well,” he said, “what do my lawyers say? What can we do about the Accords?”

It was all business from there, Pepper even pulling his team of lawyers into a video call to make things easier. Tony would always appreciate Pepper. He wished he had called her earlier but she had been busy and things had just gone from bad to worse in the span of hours. 

By the end, they had a start.

“It’s something we can fight,” Pepper assured him as they walked towards the kitchen, “it comes from the UN not the United States Government so there’s no reason for Ross to be in charge of it. Actually, I don’t understand his involvement.”

Tony hadn’t thought about it. He’d been too scared because he’d gotten a glimpse at what might have been put on them instead by the U.S government specially since the ATCU had been formed. All the stuff with the Inhumans and whatever else Coulson and his agents were in the middle of had pointed at things not looking well for them. They hadn’t been looking well before Wanda’s accident in Lagos, but that had made it pressing. 

Then, of course was the guilt. Tony didn’t know if it came with his PTSD or whatever other mental ailments he was collecting, but he was afraid and he felt responsible and guilty and ultimately so torn because he needed to protect people – he needed to protect Earth. But there was always collateral damage and having someone present that to him with a name and picture. A young promising boy. It hurt. They needed a better system.

“Tony, you can do this,” Pepper assured him, “first off getting the charges dropped on your team mates. The law cannot work this way, taking people and putting them away without trial. Ross cannot do that, no matter what someone is capable of.”

“Thanks, Pep,” Tony said, “what about Steve and Bucky?”

Pepper pursed her lips. “I don’t know,” she said, “Bucky has killed too many people to go free. Not unless there is a guarantee that he won’t go back to being The Winter Soldier and we know someone can get him to turn. Steve was helping him, he obstructed the law, he ran. The others – well, we can say they were following orders. Something will work but for Steve, I don’t know.”

Tony nodded. He knew. Of course he knew, because Steve had gone too far. If he had only been willing to listen and to let Tony try and salvage the situation and more importantly the perception that everyone had of them. 

The Accords didn’t matter. Tony didn’t regret signing them, and he still thought there was a merit to them, but more important was what the world thought of The Avengers. If everyone hated and feared them, then it didn’t matter how much they were in the right. Tony knew better than anyone that there was a balance to play and that for some the numbers didn’t matter. The comparison between lives saved and lives lost didn’t matter if the public was determined to hate and fear them. 

“He’s Captain America,” Pepper said thoughtfully as she picked up after herself, “it’s possible we might be making a difference.”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, whatever can be done,” he said.

Pepper grabbed the remainder of her things and then pressed a kiss to his cheek. “I’ve got to go,” she said, “but I’ll e-mail or call you as soon as the lawyers get back to me.”

“Thank you, Pepper. You’re the best,” Tony said. 

“I’ll always have your back, Tony,” Pepper said pointedly and Tony shook his head at her. She smiled. “You can tell me when you’re ready.”

After Pepper walked away, Tony pressed his hand against his abdomen. It wasn’t fair. 

Tony spent the rest of the day in his workshop fixing up another version of his suit even though he had no idea when he’d use it next. It would be at least nine months, probably more. Had he known before going to Siberia, he wouldn’t have gone. He wouldn’t have risked it. The Accords would offer an excuse for his lack of involvement as Iron Man, at least, and Tony didn’t want to have any more regrets and any more blood on his hands.

“We’ll be alright, Peanut, you’ll see.”

 

\---

**Three Months Along**

Tony stared at himself in the mirror. His toned stomach was gone. He’d become all soft around the sides and there was a slight bump, a growing bump. 

Pregnancy was scary. It was nothing Tony had ever thought that he’d have to deal with, but it had also always been a very real possibility. It was the result of a combination of magic and Extremis. Not even Bruce had been able to figure out quite what had caused it, but Tony had known that he could be the first and probably only man to ever be able to get pregnant not that he’d planned on it when he found out. Only he, Bruce, and Pepper had known. Tony hadn’t even told the team or SHIELD. 

It made it just a little ironic that it was SHIELD that figured it out. After Siberia, Tony hadn’t planned on getting any medical help. By the time he got out of the secret Hydra compound, Tony had expected to be stranded or to have to somehow get word to Vision to get him, but instead he’d found the Quinjet that Steve and Bucky had stolen and the signs that another jet had landed next to it and taken off.

Tony didn’t bother trying to figure out what happened and took it as a blessing that he could head back to New York. While on the jet he managed to get in contact with Coulson who had been trying to reach out to Steve.

So, Tony had flown to Coulson’s secret base and met with the man who had at first been wary to see him, but then quick to bring him to his team because he needed to be looked over.

Dr. Simmons and Dr. Fitz had broken the news to him a half hour later.

“Mr. Sta—Iron Man, it appears – well, this is all very strange but the results couldn’t be more conclusive – um, you seem to be pregnant.”

Tony almost fainted.

Coulson’s eyes had widened. “What?” he asked.

“How’s that possible?” Fitz said, “Gemma, are you sure, let me take a look at that.”

They were bent over the results while Tony couldn’t say anything and instead he stared at his stomach and tried to calm down because it was all too much. The fight. His parents killed by The Winter Soldier. The lies and betrayal. Steve really and truly gone. So, naturally, he was also pregnant. A part of him just wanted it all to end. His life was just one thing after another and he wasn’t emotionally stable to handle any of it. 

“Mr. Stark,” Coulson said, “Tony? Tony? Do you need me to get Pepper?”

He was brought out of his thoughts and shook his head at once.

“This is unexpected,” Tony said, and tried for nonchalant. “even for me. I may have been a playboy in my day, but even then I never got anyone pregnant and now this. Figures. And, yes, it is in fact possible if you take magic into account. And science.”

Fitz and Simmons stared at him in surprise. Then they broke out the questions until Coulson put a stop to it and ordered them to keep patching him up and making sure that the baby was alright. It had hit Tony then. He’d been fighting for days in the armor, Steve had left him so bruised up and sore on top of the dislocated shoulder he’d suffered at the airport and however many other hits he’d taken over the course of trying to bring Steve in. But, Tony hadn’t know. He hadn’t known it wasn’t just his life in danger. 

Simmons must have noticed his worry on his face because she placed a hand on his forearm. “I’ll do every test,” she told him, “and we’ll need to make sure your body can handle this and make the proper arrangements. One step at a time, okay. First, let me look at this shoulder.”

Simmons was calming and sweet and although Tony would have preferred Bruce, he took what he could get and pulled out his phone to get standard NDAs sent to the printer in the medical bay just in case. Simmons didn’t even say anything as she signed hers and then fetched Fitz to do the same. 

No one even asked him who the father was. Later, Tony realized it was because they had probably all been able to tell how absolutely done he was. He was a broken man and the pain and the guilt and the agony hadn’t been able to hide from his face. 

Afterwards, Tony met with Coulson who told him he was sorry that Fury and Hill hadn’t been able to get involved in the whole situation with the Accords and that he himself had too much on his plate with the Inhumans and an alien threat. 

“We wanted the help of the Avengers, actually,” Coulson said, “but as it stands it seems there is nothing you can do.”

“Not with the Accords in play,” Tony said, “it’s probably for the best your agents deal with it yourself or they might look too closely at what you’ve been up to.”

“They already are,” Coulson replied. 

He felt bad not being able to help, but Tony knew from the moment that Simmons showed him the tiny growing fetus, that he was done being Iron Man for the time being. 

It was lucky, then, that things had worked out for SHIELD and whatever imminent threat they’d dealt with hadn’t come to pass though no one would fill him in on the details and Tony didn’t really have the time to find out or for that matter cared too much to know. 

Simmons had become his doctor nevertheless, making home visits and using Bruce’s medical equipment and the additional things that Tony had gotten Friday to order. He didn’t try to pry anything from her, glad for her discretion, but he did enjoy her company.

She was a scientist, curious and brilliant and Tony had missed being able to have conversations that didn’t need to be explained to anyone else. She blushed while she talked about Fitz and how well she thought Tony might get along with him and then didn’t say anything when Tony almost cried when he first heard the baby’s heartbeat. 

Simmons also didn’t say anything when Tony whispered, “I wish he were here.” 

Tony let his hand lay flat over his stomach and stared at himself in the mirror. Someone else should have been there with him. He pursed his lips and got dressed slowly. It was no use crying and no amount of changes to his hormones would make Tony cry over the worst break up he had ever gone through. 

 

\---

**Four Months Along**

Tony closed down the Avengers compound. He hated doing it, but it was pointless to have the buildings up and running when the Avengers were no more. Most of the personnel working there were either SI employees or SHIELD, so Tony sent them wherever they wanted to go and made sure no one was out of a job and then he slowly closed down the compound entirely, taking any and all of his possessions with him. 

“It’ll be better this way,” Pepper said.

They were standing outside. All the lights had been turned off and the whole place was under heavy shut-down. Nothing and no one would be able to get in without having the right security codes and even if they did Tony would be alerted at once. 

“It’s a shame after all the work we put into this place,” Tony said.

“This will help in the long run and you can’t be out there anyway so what does it matter,” Pepper pointed out, “Vision is still learning about humanity and Rhodey is still in physical therapy. Spider-Man is a teenager. You’re not going anywhere near a suit unless you’re being attacked and it can be used for armor to protect my niece or nephew.” 

Tony laughed. “You’re right,” he said, “it’s just that this place meant so much. It was hope, you know, and everything was going so well.”

Pepper just held his hand. “All things come to an end, Tony,” she said and then made him walk to the car. 

He didn’t move back to the tower in Manhattan, but instead relocated to the mansion in upstate New York. It wasn’t too far from the compound and Tony had rarely stayed there, but thinking about his parents and remembering the few years he’d had with them had made him nostalgic and want to go back to his childhood home. 

Tony still wasn’t over their murders, but he’d come down from his initial need to blame Bucky for what he’d been forced to do. It still made him angry to think about, though. 

Pepper had arranged for someone to clean and update the place and Tony had made sure his dad’s old lab was remodeled to his own liking and fitted with all of his own tech. Tony even had his bots moved in and Friday installed in the house, but that had been mostly down to Vision. 

By the time that he finally moved into the house, Tony had felt ready to become a recluse. After all, there wouldn’t be hiding the pregnancy for much longer and Tony really didn’t want to deal with explaining how he was pregnant to the public at large.

They were all still discussing the disappearance of the Avengers anyway as well as the Accords, but that discussion was filling up with more criticism on the Accords than approval. 

Pepper was handling the Accords and everything else that came with that mess. She’d insisted after Tony told her about the pregnancy. Tony thought she was doing an excellent job. 

“I’m going to be doing all of the work anyway,” she told him, “you don’t need the stress. Especially not now.”

Tony made her keep him up to date. 

It wasn’t a surprise to him, when she called to tell him that Coulson was helping and that Maria Hill called and wanted to add her own support. 

On the last week of his fourth month of Pregnancy, all the Avengers including Steve had their charges dropped, but there was so much more paperwork ahead of that not to mention conditions that Tony knew Steve and the others wouldn’t be ready to accept. Still, Tony celebrated by eating a chocolate chip muffin that Vision had managed to bake expertly. Then, he ate two more. He allowed himself for only a moment to wish that he still had the phone and he could call Steve to tell him. 

 

\---

**Five Months Along**

Bruce showed up with Peter one afternoon, meeting Pepper at the door of the mansion as she arrived. It was a bit of a surprise to Tony to see the three of them enter his workshop together. Pepper kissed his cheek and acted like everything was normal as she was also greeted by You and Dum-E. Peter however stood still by the door and Tony could just tell that he was having a hard time figuring out what he should be focused on.

For one thing there was the workshop itself, and then the suits, and all the other things that Tony hadn't been able to stop himself from tinkering with when he was bored. Then of course was the other thing - his bump. 

Bruce reacted faster.

"I can't believe this," he said, "have you been seeing a doctor? I go away for a bit and literally a war breaks out and you get pregnant."

"None of that was my choice," Tony said, "and you could have been back any time."

He was still a bit peeved that Bruce had just gone and taken off without a word to any of them. Tony had understood in the long run about how something had happened between him and Natasha and he knew Bruce wouldn't leave unless he needed to. So, Tony had pretended that he couldn't figure out where he'd disappeared to and he'd watched as Natasha eventually got over it and stopped looking. Steve had helped her, he knew.

Still, after the whole pregnancy reveal, he'd been pretty adamantly wishing that Bruce could show up again to see him through it. Simmons was great but she wasn't Bruce.

"I'm sorry," Bruce said, "I just couldn't come back."

"I know," Tony said.

He had wondered what side Bruce might have taken and while he hoped that it would have been his, there was enough bad blood between Ross and Bruce that Tony thought maybe it would have been Steve’s side. Tony decided to not ask. It was enough that Bruce had decided to come back when Natasha hadn’t and she’d signed the Accords. 

"So, since when can men get pregnant? I mean, you are a guy right, Mr. Stark? Or are you secretly a woman? Trans? Because you never said not that it's any of my business really. I just - you are pregnant!" Peter was a worse rambler than Tony had ever been, his thoughts leaving his mouth as they came to him.

"Magic and science, Peter, stranger things have happened." Tony narrowed his eyes on him, "How are you even here right now?"

"I went looking for you at the tower," Peter said, “instead I ran into Dr. Banner and well he seemed to know who I was and he seemed to know where you were and my Aunt May went on a trip to see some friends and I thought it’d be the perfect time to take you up on your offer to work on my tech. But, I don’t know if that’s exactly a good idea considering the bun you seem to have in your oven.”

“Definitely not a good idea,” Pepper said, “especially since someone is supposed to be limiting their time down here to no more than five or six hours. Have you eaten anything today, Tony?”

“Vision fed me,” Tony said, “he’s really getting good at the cooking thing. I think it’s because he’s following cooking shows instead of instructions. Seems to work better for him. He promised to make more muffins later tonight. Peanut loves muffins.”

“And donuts,” Pepper said with a roll of her eyes.

Pepper steered Tony away from the workshop and shut down his latest project with a few taps, making sure everything was saved. Tony picked up one of his tablets before walking after Pepper up the stairs. Peter and Bruce followed.

“I’m sorry to disappoint on the tech fun, Spidey, but I’ve got keepers now,” Tony threw over his shoulder. 

Peter laughed and Pepper turned to shook him a glare. 

“Hey,” Tony said, “I’ve been good. I’ve been taking my vitamins and eating regular meals plus snacks. And now that we’re past that pesky morning sickness I do feel like I could eat anything.” 

Tony sank into the comfortable den couch when they got up to the first floor. It was one of the more homey rooms in the house and Tony definitely loved the couch that he’d had Friday order for him. 

“It’s actually good you’re here, Peter,” Pepper said, “the Accords have been redefined so to speak. We’ve been fixing everything up into a more manageable contract. We were going to send you a copy soon anyway because they have gotten wind of you and you haven’t exactly stopped using your powers.”

“Oh,” Peter said, “I, um, I’ll take a look at it later?”

Pepper nodded and smiled at him. Peter dropped into the seat next to Tony. “Do I really need to sign that? I am a minor, after all.”

“No one knows who you are,” Pepper pointed out, “and I’d like to keep it that way.”

“So,” Bruce said, “these Accords, what exactly is the point of them? In my experience government control is the last thing you want. I was shocked you were so determined to have them become the law, Tony.”

Tony had known that it was coming. Bruce would see both sides. He would probably understand Steve’s side far better than he would Tony’s, but the fight was over. A line had been drawn in the sand and it seemed to be permanent because Tony knew that it didn’t matter what changes were made or how they worked with the UN to make sure that they had certain freedoms and more importantly a right to a trial, well, they would still need to work within the law and stop believing that their powers and their enhancements made them better than everyone else and better at making decisions that could impact the whole world. 

“I probably wouldn’t have wanted this a few years ago,” Tony admitted, “but the thing is they make sense. No one wants to be controlled by the law, or answer to a government but if these structures weren’t in place then society as we know it wouldn’t work. So, the whole point is that we can’t just decide because we feel it’s right, that we can help people when they may fear or not want out help at all. It the United Nations. We can’t ignore when over a hundred countries are in agreement that something needed to be done.” 

“And Ross?” Bruce asked, “what can you say about getting into bed with him, Tony? You know what he’s done. Hell, you know what he’s always been after.”

“Well we weren’t going to give him that, now were we? He won’t be touching you and he certainly isn’t privy to any information. Pepper has actually gotten him to back off quite a bit, seeing as there is no reason that he should be in charge of enforcing the Accords.”

Bruce nodded slowly. 

“Pepper has been working to change them,” Tony added, “in my stead.”

“Good,” Bruce said, “I think I’ll take a copy to read myself but I doubt I’ll try and be the Hulk any time soon.”

Tony laughed. “Retirement does sound good, doesn’t it?” He asked, “it didn’t quite work for Barton.”

Tony sometimes did wonder about how they were. He knew they were all in Wakanda. He would have been an idiot if he didn’t figure that out. Tony just knew that he was in no state to really try and get them back. Steve had said that Tony had the Avengers but it had been as much a platitude as anything in the letter. 

“So, then,” Tony said, “planning on staying, Bruce, we could use your help when it comes to Peanut.”

“You know, I probably would have been really pissed at you if I came back before or during this whole thing with you and Steve and the Accords, but now that the dust has settled, well, it’s good to still keep my head down. But, I think I will stay if only because you fascinate me medically.”

Tony chucked a pillow in his direction. It was good to have a semblance of normal again. Tony would always miss the time when it was the original Avengers living together in the tower. They had made a family. Now, he was forming a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought and if I should continue this. Thanks for reading.
> 
> You can also read this on [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/144921944562/cosmic-love-part-one-the-stars-the-moon-they)


	2. Tenderest Touch Leaves the Darkest of Marks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic has had such an amazing response to thank you to everyone that's been reading an encouraging the writing of this fic. You guys are amazing. This chapter covers Steve's side of things. 
> 
> The title comes from Florence and the Machine's Hardest of Hearts 
> 
> Added note: So while I was in the process of editing tags (adding tags) I accidentally deleted this chapter which kinda sucks but it's back up so sorry for the confusion. This is what happens because my dog hates my computer and she laid her head on the keyboard and things occur. So whoops.

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he kissed Tony Stark. It must have been the morning before he and the team left for Lagos, or maybe it was when they were tangled up in bed the night before he left and Tony had been so wanton and soft and clingy like he always was when he had to miss a mission. It wasn’t like Tony had been participating much as Iron Man anyway, when he had so much else to do, but originally he’d meant to go with them. That was before he realized that he’d needed to be at MIT giving a speech. 

He couldn’t picture the last kiss he’d had with Tony before it all went to hell, and it hurt. It hurt to not have that to hold on to. 

Instead, every time he closed his eyes he saw Tony’s bruised face as he stared up at Steve, fear flashing in his eyes just as much as his anger and his grief. He saw himself slamming the shield into the reactor, regretting the action while knowing it was necessary because Tony just wasn’t going to stop, not until it was too late and he was done for. 

Still, he’d seen the betrayal, how for a moment – even if it was a short moment – Tony had thought that Steve would kill him.

Steve pressed his face to the window. Wakanda was beautiful and advanced and Steve often found himself wondering how much Tony would have enjoyed to see how tech heavy King T’Challa’s palace was. 

“You’re doing the brooding thing again,” Sam said, coming up behind him. He reached towards Steve’s hand to pull the phone out of his grasp, “no call yet?”

“Not even a text. He’s not even – no one’s seen him. T’Challa said Pepper or Maria Hill have been dealing with the Accords on his behalf. He isn’t even on gossip sites,” Steve said.

Sam nudged his shoulder. “You’re that desperate for information,” he said.

“It’s good, I think. It means he hasn’t done anything crazy,” Steve said.

“But he hasn’t done anything else either,” Sam said, “are you worried about him?”

Of course Steve was worried. There was never not a time when he could get away from worrying about Tony whether it was because they were fighting something or he was across the country just having a meeting with someone from SI, Steve worried. He worried about Tony not sleeping or eating enough. He worried about him getting attacked and not having access to the suit. He worried about him not thinking and doing something stupid. 

During the whole time of the “war”, Steve had worried about him. He’d worried about Bucky, of course, and he’d hoped to help his last living friend, but he’d still worried about Tony.

“Look, dude,” Sam said, “I know what you two had was – it was something kind of special – but it isn’t your job to worry about him anymore. He certainly doesn’t seem to be worrying about you or any of us.”

“You don’t know that,” Steve said, “you don’t know him. What he’s going through.”

God, his parents. Steve remembered the look in his eyes as everything just became too much. Steve had kept it from him, been keeping it for two years as if there wouldn’t at some point be a time when Tony might find out somehow. He had known it would hurt Tony, but he just hadn’t known that it would be the breaking point. So, Steve had done the hard thing. He’d fought Tony and made sure he didn’t become a killer. Steve also made sure that Bucky didn’t die. Then, he walked away. He hadn’t deserved to stay and to try to explain or to try and get Tony to see his side of things. It was too late and it wasn’t about the Accords or what Ross might want to do to Bucky or even to Steve, but about the fact that lying to Tony and keeping things from Tony wasn’t the right thing to do. 

“So, call him,” Sam said.

Steve shook his head. “I can’t.”

 

“You should read what the Accords have been amended to,” T’Challa told Steve over a cup of coffee. 

The King was always busy with one thing or another which seemed to come with ruling Wakanda and still trying to work things out with the UN. From what Steve had heard, more and more countries were getting on board with the Accords. Steve had also heard that they were trying to bring charges on Ross for what he’d done to Sam, Wanda, Scott, and Clint. 

“I don’t need to,” Steve said, “I won’t sign them.”

“Very well,” T’Challa said.

It didn’t matter how much they were changed, Steve didn’t think it was right. No one should tie his hands and stop him from helping someone. No one should be able to send him in to stop something, or enforce something that might hurt people.

Steve didn’t think about how T’Challa had made it clear they couldn’t interfere in Wakanda no matter what, that they were welcome as guests and not heroes. He wouldn’t stop them from leaving, Steve knew, but where would they go where they wouldn’t be hunted? At least T’Challa was also refraining from bringing them in. 

It wasn’t even a few weeks later when Steve was resting in the living room of the communal room in the wing that T’Challa had made available for Steve and the others, that Steve found out that all the charges were dropped.

“What does that mean?” Wanda asked.

“It means they won’t be coming after us,” Scott said, “that we might be able to go home.”

Clint snorted. “No,” he said, “no, it’s a trick. This is Stark and the UN wanting us to come out of hiding so they can either put us back in jail or force us to sign the Accords.”

“Well, we can go home if we’re willing to retire,” Scott offered, “if we’re not Avengers then we don’t have to sign the Accords.”

Steve knew what Scott was thinking about. He could maybe go back and get to see his daughter again even if he had to put down the suit and never wear it again. Maybe it was a sacrifice worth making. 

“They’ll watch us,” Sam offered, “the government, the UN, and whoever else. They’ll be watching our every move. One toe out of line and we’d be done for.”

Scott nodded thoughtfully. Steve remembered suddenly that Scott had been in jail before he became Ant-Man and that he knew what it was like to be separated from his daughter for long periods of time. He hated that it was happening again. Scott was a good man. 

“From all the lack of news, it seems even those that sided with Tony aren’t out there doing anything,” Scott said, “unless they’re not reporting on it. When was the last time anyone saw Iron Man?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said and Steve ignored how they all looked at him because they all knew that he was obsessively searching for any mention of Tony or Iron Man but there never was anything unless it referenced the “war” or something to do with Pepper and SI. 

“But aside from Tony,” Wanda said, “who else is left?”

“There’s Vision and Rhodey and that Spider guy,” Sam said and even as he said it, Steve could tell that it didn’t make much of a team.

Rhodes was probably still recovering unless Tony had built him something to make it easier to walk. That didn’t mean that he was back in the War Machine armor. Even before everything, everyone had agreed that Vision was better off still learning to be human and after everything with Rhodes he probably didn’t consider himself ready to leave the compound. Spider-man was a teenager. There wasn’t much of a team there. Steve hadn’t realized before. And of course he’d gone and told Tony that the team was his in that letter that Steve had sent in the hopes that Tony might forgive him, or that he might understand. 

“So, it doesn’t matter, then,” Wanda said, “we can’t go back.”

“No,” Clint said, “we can’t.”

Steve didn’t even mention that Bucky hadn’t been mentioned at all as someone whose charges were dropped and Steve didn’t feel too comfortable just leaving Bucky in cryo even if T’Challa could certainly assure him that his best friend would be alright. 

“But if they need us,” Steve said, “if the world needs us, we’ll be there.”

He just hoped that it didn’t and that they didn’t have to risk having Ross or worse, Tony, chasing after them again. 

They didn’t talk about it again, and Steve got busy exploring. He took his sketchpad and a small box he’d procured full of pencils and charcoal and pastels so at least he had something to do to keep his mind off of Tony and off of everything that had gone wrong. 

Sometimes, he let the others join him, but more often than not he went off by himself. He took long hikes up the beautiful luscious mountains, ready to draw whatever he saw. 

Occasionally, it wasn’t what he saw, but what he remembered. 

He could get the curve of Tony’s neck as he bent over a project, his hands moving across his holograms or on the object itself, always lost in his work. Other times it was Tony asleep, the light of early morning only just falling across his cheeks as he buried his face in a pillow. Tony was beautiful in every one and Steve feared the day when he wouldn’t be able to remember where the moles on Tony’s body were placed, or the curl of his hair and the sparkle in his eyes. 

It had never been easy, loving Tony Stark, but loving him from afar with no hope that they could ever be what they were, it was like getting stabbed in the gut repeatedly and told that he wasn’t allowed to die. 

They had fallen into it on accident, but Steve knew that it had been inevitable from the moment they met. 

He remembered the early days when Tony had personally gone looking for him to ask him to move into the tower mere weeks after their first time fighting as The Avengers and then how hard it had been for Steve to accept that Tony was willing to give him his own floor complete with a second bedroom that he’d already converted into a small art studio. 

He’d grown fond of Tony over coffee when he returned from a run and when Tony was trying to keep awake to keep working. They’d talked for hours on sleepless nights after missions or when one of them woke up from a nightmare. 

Then, Tony started giving him books, and not e-books but hardbacks or paperbacks in all different genres. Later it was tv and movies and so many things that made everything Tony said make more sense. As time went on the movies became a group activity that even Pepper joined in on. 

Steve hadn’t known for a long time why he always felt a bit weird around Pepper. He liked her certainly, but he’d never been able to ease up around her. 

They were never all together all the time. Bruce was permanently at the tower because of the lab, but Tony went back and forth from California and New York because of business. Steve, Clint, and Natasha all technically worked for Shield and were often on missions. Steve had even moved to Washington, DC for a while when Tony and Pepper left to be in Malibu because Pepper needed to be there as CEO and Tony needed to be with her. 

Steve had gone months without seeing either of them and then one day he heard that Tony’s house was attacked, that it was destroyed and that it was all Tony’s fault because the idiot had gone and given out his address. 

Steve had wanted to go and help, but Natasha talked him out of it, and they were off on a mission which doubled as training. By the time they were back everything was well. Tony had blown all his suits. 

Steve had barely had time to register everything before The Winter Soldier was in the picture and things were moving fast. Shield was Hydra. The Winter Soldier was Bucky. The Winter Soldier had killed Tony’s parents. 

Steve had intended to tell him. It just had never been the right time. When he went back to the tower, to find Tony had moved back in, it hadn’t been the right time because Pepper hadn’t moved in with him. 

Tony had been upset and he no longer had a reactor, and he kept talking about how he no longer even had a suit anymore, but he and Pepper weren’t talking for a month and Steve could remember the day when there was an attack and they had to leave Tony behind only to return to see him building another suit again. 

It had made him happy to be Iron Man. No one asked him about Pepper. Steve spent even more time with him. Somewhere along the way he decided it wasn’t worth it to tell Tony about his parents or Bucky being The Winter Soldier. It was enough that Sam and Natasha knew and so Steve told stories about Bucky to Tony instead and somewhere along the way Steve realized he loved Tony. Which was of course when Pepper came to her senses and one morning there she was at in the communal kitchen with a sleepy Tony leaning on her shoulder as she cooked breakfast and Steve felt his heart break. 

Everyone had known or at least suspected that he and Tony were headed in the direction of maybe being more than friends, but Tony did love Pepper and it was clear that Pepper adored Tony. 

Then, Ultron happened.

Steve had never been angrier than he was when Tony and Bruce hid Ultron from them. He didn’t even stop to think about his own secrets as he yelled at Tony about his lack of responsibility and his need to control everything. He’d felt bad afterwards. Then Wanda and Pietro had made him question Tony’s motives and Steve had hated how much he didn’t trust Tony but of course he should have. He should have known that Tony would die if it meant everyone else lived, and that Tony was trying to protect them all with Ultron and certainly with Vision which had been Tony’s aim all along. 

After they were back home, that was when Tony told them that Pepper had broken things off again with him somewhere around the time when Thor showed up and they started chasing down leads on Hydra compounds. 

“She wants me to stop being Iron Man,” he admitted to Steve after everyone else had gone to sleep, “that’s why I wanted to build Ultron, so that there wouldn’t be a need for us anymore. I love her, Steve, I do, but I can’t quit this. I can’t stop being who I am.”

Steve kissed him. “You shouldn’t have to.”

It had been slow going from there mostly because Tony wasn’t over Pepper but also because Tony wasn’t over Steve not trusting him and questioning how he planned to fix his mistakes in creating Vision. 

Still, after a few months, they had settled into something and Steve had even told him about Bucky being The Winter Soldier. Tony had told him all about the cave. Steve could have told him about The Winter Soldier murdering Howard and Maria Stark. He didn’t. 

There had been long mornings spent in bed, afternoons and late nights in the workshop, and movie nights every other week. Sometimes Tony even arranged dates that ranged from romantic to downright weird. They had been happy. Steve had even stopped actively looking for Bucky. Everything had been falling into place. 

Steve should have known something was going to ruin it. 

“I’m so sorry,” Steve whispered into the night, “it wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

 

One morning Steve found an unexpected guest eating breakfast with T’Challa on a rare morning when the King wasn’t in a meeting or off being Black Panther. 

“Natasha,” Steve said, surprise evident in his voice.

She turned and stood in a fluid motion, walking over to hug him. “Hey,” she said, “thought I’d find you here. How are you?”

“Confused,” Steve said, “how are you here?”

Natasha laughed. “I came with the King of course. We’ve been finalizing some things with the Accords and he invited me to come visit, so I did. Been meaning to, especially once he told me Bucky was frozen again.”

“What do you mean?” Steve asked.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “I’ve been covertly working as Pepper’s assistant. You know, while Pepper is brilliant and Tony handed the reins off to someone very capable she still is missing the whole representative vibe considering she isn’t exactly one of us so Fury thought it’d be best if I could help out since we don’t really have anyone else capable at the moment. T’Challa has been extremely helpful with everything and even made sure I could be technically anonymous.”

Steve should have known Natasha was hiding under everyone’s noses. 

“Wow,” he said even while all he wanted to do was ask about Tony. 

“She truly has been an amazing asset,” T’Challa said, “an ambassador between those enhanced and the UN.”

“How long are you staying?” Steve asked.

Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “I needed a vacation,” she said. 

T’Challa left them after his sister fetched him away for a meeting and he apologized as he left, but Steve was used to seeing the King come and go because he was busier than anyone Steve had ever met.

“I know you want to ask about him,” Natasha said gently after a while, “and I don’t know. I haven’t seen him. I tried to go the compound to see him, but it was all closed down. Everything, even the emergency generators all shut down. Pepper keeps a tight lip, just says he’s fine. He isn’t at the tower either unless he’s found a way to live there without alerting me.”

It was exactly what Steve hadn’t wanted to hear. He also hated knowing that Pepper knew where he was, that was privy to how Tony was doing and what he might be doing. It wasn’t fair. It was one thing to know she was dealing with the Accords, but another to really know that they were back to being friendly. 

“They’re not back together,” Natasha said, “I can see it on your face.”

“Oh,” Steve said.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Where’s everyone else?”

Steve took her back to their wing silently. He didn’t know what to say to her, or what to ask, because it all went back to Tony and Steve didn’t know quite how to deal. 

Natasha hugged every one of them including Scott who she personally didn’t know, and Clint twice before she punched him on the arm hard. 

“How could you! Your wife is so angry, I’ve never seen her like that. Inconsolable. I hate you for just – you weren’t supposed to get involved. You have kids. You’ve broken your family apart.” 

They all watched in silence. 

“I couldn’t just stay in the sidelines,” Clint said, “not when Cap called and when Stark is wrong and he was going after our friends – but then again, you were right there with him so who am I talking to.”

Natasha shook her head. “You don’t understand, Clint,” she said after a while and in a low voice that was probably meant just for Clint, “I don’t want any more blood on my hands.”

Things were better after that. Natasha stayed for a few weeks with the promise of returning as soon as she was able and also promising that she wouldn’t tell anyone where they were.

“Not that Tony doesn’t probably already know,” Natasha added to Steve, “he’s still a genius.”

“If you see him,” Steve muttered before she left, “tell him to use the phone.”

Natasha nodded.

Steve hoped she’d see him. 

 

“Bruce Banner is back in town. Just a few days after the officially amended Sokovia Accords have been accepted by the UN, Bruce Banner was spotted grocery shopping with a teenager. The doctor also known as The Hulk has been missing in action from The Avengers for over a year since the events in Sokovia. It is unknown if Dr. Banner will be signing the Accords and rejoining the broken team, but he certainly looks like he is planning to enjoy quite a bit of ice cream in the near future,” Wanda read from a tablet.

Steve who had been perched by the window trying to sketch the rather rainy afternoon, paused. “Where was he spotted?” 

“New York City,” Wanda said.

None of them had heard from Bruce in a long time and Steve couldn’t help but feel a bit suspicious that he was showing up in New York City all of a sudden. He wondered if Natasha knew, but had no way to contact her to know if she did. 

She had been busy of late with the final draft of the Accords. Steve knew she’d left him a copy somewhere, but Steve was too stubborn to read it. It didn’t matter what it said, no matter what it would be taking away their rights and Steve wouldn’t stand for that. 

“I couldn’t see Bruce signing the Accords,” Sam said, “not even Nat could convince him of that.”

Steve nodded. “You’re right,” he said, “had he been around he would have been on our side.”

“Maybe he’s really trying the whole retired thing,” Clint said, “keeping count of the days since he last Hulked out. Like he used to.”

“But in New York,” Wanda said, “wouldn’t he feel better somewhere more remote?”

“He lived in the city for years,” Clint pointed out, “maybe Tony finally called him and brought him back.”

If that was the case, then there had to be a reason. Maybe Tony really wasn’t okay. Steve didn’t want to think about it, but what if something happened? What if Tony had really needed help and had turned to tracking down Bruce to get it. A part of him wanted to just tell T’Challa that they were leaving and he would hunt Tony down and he would do anything in his power to know he was alright or to offer whatever help he could to make sure that he would be okay. 

Instead, he settled for leaving the room and heading back to his bedroom. 

After Natasha visited, Steve had stopped carrying the phone with him everywhere. Instead he tried to leave it in his room for a few hours at a time, like leaving a burden behind so it’d be easier to carry when he got back to it. 

There were no calls. There were never calls. 

He went into contacts. Only one number was saved as “Shellhead”. 

Steve stared at it for the while, the numbers blurring together. He had them memorized. 

Steve took a deep breath and he pressed call. It took him a moment longer to bring the phone to his ear. It rang. And rang. And rang. And rang some more. It didn’t even lead to a voice mail. 

Steve felt everything leave him. God, he missed him. He missed the scratchy way his stubble felt against Steve’s cheeks, and how his callused fingers would rub circles into his neck or his fingers run through his hair. He missed lazy kisses and rants that Steve could hardly follow. He missed knowing that he was home no matter where he was as long as Tony was there. 

Steve didn’t know when he started crying. He didn’t know if he ever wanted to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter can still be found on [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145011292937/cosmic-love-part-two-tenderest-touch-leaves-the)


	3. I'm Not Beat Up By This Yet But You Can't Tell Me To Regret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once more, astounded by the response this fic is having. You guys are absolutely wonderful and you can tell that I'm writing quickly and excitedly because I was literally writing a scene for this on my phone at work which is always fun. Hope you like this one. 
> 
> The title for this chapter comes from Florence and the Machine's Which Witch.

**Seven Months Along**

With everything figured out for the Accords, Tony found that it gave him much too much time to think. It helped that Bruce was living with him at the mansion, a fact that Simmons had been only too happy to note during his last check up because it meant someone that could keep Tony monitored at all times. He was seven months pregnant which also meant that Tony really couldn't do much. So, he spent a lot of time watching movies or binging on TV shows. He was essentially a couch potato. Tony still designed though. On his tablet he had any and every idea that had popped into his head for the moment when he was allowed to really work again. 

Peter visited from time to time, asking questions for his homework and assuring them that his Aunt May didn't really have any opposition to him spending time with Bruce Banner. It had come into light once that article placing Peter with Bruce buying ice cream for Tony had shown up basically everywhere.

Tony half suspected that Aunt May knew about Peter being Spider Man. After all, Peter wasn't exactly the best liar. Bruce was the second Avenger that Aunt May knew Peter knew. She was a smart woman. It wouldn’t take long to put it all together. 

It was nice to have people around. Even Rhodey had visited for a few weeks, but he was back at work, mostly doing busy work that didn't put him on the field. He claimed that it kept him active and he couldn’t not do anything. 

With Bruce's help and even a bit from Peter, Tony had managed to construct no less than six different prototypes for Rhodey to try out. He'd also made sure to rebuilt War Machine in a way that would make it easier for Rhodey to use. For that he'd had a lot of help from Rhodey himself since no one seemed to think that Tony could really handle doing too much in the shop. Tony had known that he needed Rhodey to be able to get into the suit, though, because Iron Man was out of the question and so was the Hulk which left only Vision and Spider-Man to take care of things if anything went pear shaped. 

"Sir, it appears there is someone at the door," Friday said.

Anyone that knew he was there had their own set of keys and Tony couldn't imagine anyone asking anyone to come over.

"Show me who it is, Friday."

The video feed appeared before him in holographic form. Tony was only partially surprised that it was Natasha.

She had been looking for him, Tony knew. He'd been alerted when she sent to the compound, but she hadn't bothered to even enter. He also knew that she had gone to Wakanda. Still, Natasha hadn’t tried other forms of contact like e-mail or calling him. So, it was still a bit of a surprise to see her actively looking for him. 

"To let her in or not," Tony mumbled to himself.

It would be fun to let her see him in his current state, but Tony was still a bit upset about her betrayal and Natasha hadn't been able to really explain it to him way back when. She had wanted so desperately to keep them together that she had just let them go.

"Friday, ask her what she wants and then send Vision to let her in."

It was lucky that Vision was home because Tony wouldn't have sent Bruce, not with their history. Either way, Bruce was busy overseeing the moving of the rest of his lab that Tony hadn't gotten moved, brought over from the tower.

"Will do, Sir," Friday said.

He watched Natasha as she knocked again and let out a frustrated sound. Then Vision opened the door and she jumped. He allowed her inside without reacting.

"Give me audio, Friday," Tony said.

“Good afternoon,” Vision said, “can I get you anything to drink?”

Natasha gave him a look. “Where’s Tony, Vision?”

“I will go fetch him,” Vision said, “please take a seat.”

Natasha never seemed uncomfortable in any situation, and in that moment she sat down primly with a straight back and waited. Tony thought he could almost see some worry in her eyes, but he wasn’t sure.

“I heard,” Tony told Vision when he phased through a wall to get to him, “how do you think she’ll react to Peanut?”

“I couldn’t say,” Vision said, “I think she’s here because of Dr. Banner.”

“Right,” Tony said, “the whole thing with him on the news.”

Tony didn’t want to admit that it bothered him a little bit that Natasha had only shown up once Bruce was back, instead of because of the work he’d done to change the Accords like he and Natasha had always wanted to do. It almost felt like he’d lost yet another friend.

Vision put a hand on his shoulder. “You should go see her before she comes looking.”

He found Natasha still seated, but she’d picked up one of Peter’s textbooks on Organic Chemistry and was flipping through it absently. She didn’t look at him as he entered, so Tony managed to get a gasp out of her when she did look.

“Oh my god, what happened to you? Did someone – is this a spell? Did you really let go of yourself, Stark, what gives?”

Tony had to laugh. “I’m pregnant, Nat,” he said.

“You’re having me on,” Natasha said, “that’s impossible. You can’t be, even you couldn’t figure out a way to make it so a man could get pregnant. And if you did, why did you try it on yourself?”

“Well, I could gladly take you down to the lab and show you the results, but it might be easier to do this. Friday, pull up the latest sonogram.”

Natasha looked from the sonogram that Friday had projected in front of them to Tony who had moved to sit. 

“You’re really pregnant,” she said and then, “that’s why you haven’t been at the UN meetings and why no one’s seen you in months. You’ve been hiding out. I asked Pepper, I did, but she wouldn’t say. You’re having a baby.”

Her expression twisted as if she didn’t know what to feel, or what feelings to express. Tony watched her take it in and then after a moment she was back to herself.

“Who – who is the father?”

Tony hadn’t told anyone. He thought that Pepper probably knew and Vision as well but Simmons hadn’t tried to pry and Bruce hadn’t been around after Sokovia to really know for sure. Peter was clueless as well but mostly because Tony and Steve’s relationship had never been public, but Natasha had been there. She’d seen and she knew. And yet, Tony’s reputation would for once be beneficial.

“Some guy,” Tony said, “went out to get drunk after I came back. I can’t even remember his name, but was he something in bed.”

Natasha narrowed her eyes on him. “And he just magically got you pregnant? Was he an alien or something?”

Tony laughed. “No,” he said, “no aliens. At least, I don’t know, could have been one of those Inhumans for all I know, so a regular guy.”

“Then how?” Natasha asked, twisting her fingers together.

“Magic,” Tony said, “when that AIM thing happened with Extremis, you know I used it to take out the reactor. Well, one of Thor’s friends were around when all of that was happening there was a moment when things went wrong and they were trying to help, but a combination of Extremis and whatever they were doing to me, it left me able to have children. It’s still a bit of a mystery, really, Gemma Simmons from Coulson’s team – oh, yeah, did you know he was alive? – she’s doing some research into it. She’s my doctor.”

“Wow,” Natasha said, “nothing is ever normal with us, is it? I suppose congratulations are in order. I hope you consider Natasha an excellent name choice.”

Tony laughed and he tilted his head to the side. “Thank you, and no. I’m not naming my kid after you. What are you doing here, Nat?”

She looked away from him. “I figured now that I’ve done all the work to get the Accords to a more reasonable state that I could come and see how you were. Pepper wouldn’t tell me much, but I helped her and I worked with King T’Challa to make sure it was all fair.”

Tony should have known. He’d taken such a step back that of course Natasha had gone and gotten involved. She just hadn’t thought to let him know she was back and she wasn’t off on the run with the rest of them, or rather hiding away in Wakanda.

“How was Wakanda?” Tony asked, letting the rest hang in the air between them.

She gave him a pointed look. “It’s nice,” she settled on, “you should go sometime.”

“Can’t really leave,” Tony said, “and it’s not like I would be welcome anyway.”

Natasha let out a sigh. “King T’Challa speaks highly of you, Tony, he would welcome you. He asked after you during the meetings.”

Tony didn’t respond. Just like he was unwilling to ask about the rest of their friends and in particular Steve, he knew that Natasha wouldn’t just ask about Bruce. She was trying to make him bring him up first. Tony wasn’t willing. 

“How long will you be staying?” Tony asked.

“How long can I stay?” Natasha threw back.

Tony rolled his eyes. “There’s a guest bedroom ready. Stay as long as you want. I’m going to get food. Peanut loves his muffins.”

Natasha followed him into the kitchen. “So,” she said, “you’re taking this whole baby thing very well. I would have thought screaming and running more your style.”

Tony shook his head. “I had a few internal freak outs, but what were my options? I couldn’t abort and not feel yet another pile of guilt on top of everything else, and if I’m carrying this kid then why would I opt for adoption. Even I’m not that heartless. He or she – they’re a part of me. They’re half me.”

“You look good, Stark,” Natasha said, “you look really good.”

Things settled down between them for a while and she filled him in on everything she’d been up to.

“I went to Clint’s farm,” she admitted, “after Germany. I had to leave. I just – I couldn’t take it anymore and I knew his kids would be freaking out. I needed to go help out and to do something good and then I just stayed there. Coulson called me and told me he’d seen you. I knew you were okay. Then I heard about Zemo. The whole framing of Barnes. If even just that hadn’t happened, it’s as if someone knew that Steve would be relentless about keeping his friend alive and of course he was right. Bucky didn’t do it.”

“Doesn’t make him innocent,” Tony said.

His mom was killed by those hands. His dad was murdered by those hands.

Natasha sighed. “I guess not,” she said, “except that he was brainwashed. They, um, they have him frozen again by his own request.”

“Steve probably didn’t like that,” Tony said.

Natasha hummed. 

“It’s for the better,” Tony said, “he’s dangerous. He’s – he killed a lot of people.”

“So did I,” Natasha whispered, “how are we different?”

“The difference is that there won’t come a day when someone can say some pretty words to you to make you want to kill again. That’s the difference,” Tony snapped.

Natasha stared at him for a while and then she shook her head. “No,” she said, “the difference is that I killed people of my own volition and that their names are burned in my memory and I will be atoning for that forever. But that it was my choice. I had control. I knew what I was doing and I did it anyway. But Bucky, he did everything on orders because he had no control of his memory or his mind or any way to break out from the hold they had on him. And yet, he remembers everyone he killed and I’m sure he can picture each and every single one of them dying while he could do nothing to stop himself from killing them. He was made into a weapon with no mind and the weapon isn’t to blame, it’s who’s controlling it. Fuck you, Stark, and use that damn phone.”

She turned on her heel and left and Tony heard her slam the door as she left the mansion. Tony let his hands rest on the kitchen counter and he sighed. 

A part of him, the part that wasn’t petty and filled with grief for his parents knew she was right, and yet it was still so hard to let himself forgive. He didn’t think he could ever get over it. It had been hard when it was just an accident, but it was harder now that it had been murder. 

He rubbed his hand over his bump.

\---

Natasha came and went from Wakanda, never staying more than a few days at a time, but bringing news from their families and friends. She’d gone to visit Hope and Cassie and brought back a long letter from Hope and a drawing from Cassie. She’d brought Clint a video from his family that had made Clint tear up. For Sam, she’d brought cookies directly from his mom. Steve’s family consisted of a super soldier in frozen sleep and a man so torn from him, that Steve didn’t think they could ever have even a friendship close to what they’d had once. 

“You did tell him to call me, right,” Steve pressed. 

They were the last two awake, located right by the windows Steve looked to look out from. 

“I did,” Natasha said, “but I also sort of yelled at him, so I don’t know how well he took that, honestly.”

Steve groaned. “Why are you two fighting?”

“Because he’s stubborn and he just wants to see what he wants to see and I don’t know maybe it’s a grudge thing or he’s just – well, it’s obvious he’s hurting a bit – but he’s still the same. Still unwilling to listen. It’s what got us here in the first place. The two of you not listening to anyone else. So bullheaded.”

Steve stared at her. It was obviously something that was still bothering her. 

“We’ve always butted heads,” Steve told her, “this was just more extreme.”

“You made it that way,” Natasha said and Steve could see how weary it was making her, “you wouldn’t stop, Steve, not even when I asked you to and yeah Tony did things wrong but when have you known Tony to be kept back from doing anything he really wanted? I know he broke the Accords. He broke them to go after you even after everything, because he still cared and he still wanted to do the right thing. So why would you think that he wouldn’t do it again if he needed to? You act like signing them is the end, when it’s not and you’re keeping the rest of the team whose charges have all been dropped from leaving because you won’t. Steve, they have families. They have people to see and their lives to get back to.”

“But—”

Natasha stopped him with a look. “No,” she said, “I get it, alright. You have Bucky, and it’s all been about Bucky for you – don’t tell me it hasn’t – but he chose to be frozen again and unless you’re planning on standing guard for him then there is no reason for you to still be here. King T’Challa may not say it, but you hiding away and staying here, that isn’t what Captain America would do.”

“I’m not Captain America,” Steve snapped, “not like I have the shield anymore. Clearly that name doesn’t belong to me anymore.”

It had been surprisingly easy to leave the shield behind, easier because Tony had asked him to perhaps, but also because he didn’t have to be that persona anymore. He could be Steve Rogers for a while.

“You will always be Captain America,” Natasha said, “shield or not. But if you want to stay no one will stop you. I just think it’s cowardly and stupid and pointless. I’m going to talk to the others. Just think about it, will you, because we’re going to need you and Tony, he’s – well, he can’t be Iron Man right now.”

Steve grabbed her arm before she left, reacting a bit late and only catching her when she was almost at the door. 

“You said he was doing fine,” he said, “you told me Tony was fine, but he can’t be Iron Man? What aren’t you telling me, Natasha?”

Natasha pulled her arm out of his grip. “He’s fine,” she said, “unhurt.”

“But he can’t be Iron Man,” Steve said.

Natasha nodded. “It is not my secret to tell,” she said, “but you have to know I would tell you if he wasn’t alright”

Steve nodded.

“Just think about this: would you be okay with something happening while you can’t help? I know you wouldn’t and it isn’t the Accords keeping you from helping, it’s your stubbornness and your refusal to leave Barnes here where he is safe.”

It wasn’t just about Bucky. Steve knew that he’d be safe. When T’Challa had offered Bucky the option of being frozen again it had been both a blessing and a curse. It was Steve’s best friend being taken away again, but it was what Bucky wanted. So, he let him get frozen and since then he’d had too much time to think.

“What about the Accords?” Steve asked.

Natasha rolled her eyes. “Honestly, do you think it fucking matters? That some agreement with the UN will matter any the next time we have to save the world? Things aren’t black and white, they are made up of shades of grey. Steve, do the right thing and go home before things can’t be fixed.”

“With Tony you mean,” Steve said and shook his head, “things with us will never be the same.”

“Well, not if you don’t try. Unless it’s that you don’t want to try,” she said and then walked away.

She was hiding something, but Steve knew better than to keep asking. It wouldn’t get him an answer. All he knew was that something must have happened and it revolved around Tony because didn’t it always, but Natasha was baiting him and trying to make him go back because the only was he might get some answers was if he went back and tried to meet up with Tony. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the phone. Still no calls. 

“Oh, Tony,” he whispered, “tell me you didn’t do something stupid.”

He didn’t try to call Tony, instead putting the phone back in his pocket. Tony wouldn’t answer anyway. Steve was beginning to wonder if he’d even kept the phone at all. The problem lay in how much they had fought and how much things couldn’t fall back into what they used to be. 

They had fought each other, gone after weaknesses and tried to incapacitate. Rhodey had gotten hurt. They might have all gotten hurt. He wondered if it had been worth it. In the end, weren’t they back to where they started. The Accords were still in play and Tony clearly supported them still. Bucky would still be hunted down if he ever came out of the ice. Steve couldn’t be Captain America, not unless he signed the Accords and Steve couldn’t support them, not when he couldn’t support them 100%. 

He walked back to his seat and grabbed his sketchpad. His fingers drew the lines of the Iron Man armor, faceplate up and Tony’s face expressionless but there. He was Iron Man. Yet Natasha seemed to think he couldn’t be. It didn’t make sense. 

The next morning was a bit tense. Steve who had slept for less than three hours was the first up at breakfast, so here was there to hear the beginning of the discussion. 

“It isn’t as easy as just going back, Nat,” Clint said, walking into the room with Natasha at his heels.

“It is,” Natasha said, “that’s what I’m trying to say, and if it isn’t what you want then you can come back – you can run away.”

“Right, because Stark will just let that happen,” Clint said, “just like he let us fight each other and all of that.”

Natasha sighed. “He will,” she said, “and I would have hoped you’d given up this anger against Tony. He didn’t take your family away. He didn’t make you come out of retirement.”

Wanda and Sam who had followed them into the room stood at the door. 

“I’d like to go back,” Wanda said, “I’ve thought about it a lot and I made that mistake in Lagos. I killed those people and—”

“Any of us could have done that,” Steve pointed out.

“Yes,” Wanda said, “we could have. That’s the point isn’t it, Natasha, that we make mistakes and so we should be held accountable.” 

“So a few people die because we’re saving millions and we get thrown into that prison again for saving people, is that it?” Clint asked.

Steve watched them all. He met Sam’s eyes and he saw how his friend seemed to be holding back from the conversation. 

“No,” Natasha said, “that’s not how it works. Guys, it – what happened with Ross and with The Raft that isn’t how it’s supposed to be. Ross jumped the gun, but then none of you would stop and listen. None of you wanted to try and work with them until we could change things. That’s what Tony wanted and what I wanted and why I agreed with him. But you haven’t seen past your immediate reaction and your damn loyalty to Captain America.” 

For a moment Steve thought that Natasha was going to just leave, but she stayed where she was, anger so clear in her every movement. She cared about them, he knew, and this was how she did things.

“I’m going with you,” Wanda said, “this has been a nice vacation but we don’t belong here. I may not agree with everything, but it’s not about that. I’m sorry, Steve.”

“He kept you locked away in the compound,” Clint said, “had Vision guarding you. Don’t you remember that?”

Wanda nodded. “Of course I do. I also remember what I did to Vision to leave. What we did.”

“They make a good point,” Sam said, walking towards Steve, “what are you thinking, Steve?”

He didn’t know where he stood anymore. Mostly he knew that he was torn between wanting desperately to go back because Tony would be there and maybe, just maybe they could do something to salvage what they had and if not that then at least there could be closure. Another part of him wanted to stay as far away as possible.

“It’s up to you guys,” he settled on, “I won’t make decisions for anyone. I can’t.”

Sam watched him for a while. 

“Well we know how Clint feels,” Natasha said, “but what about you, Sam? You willing to come back?”

“I – I think I am,” he said, “paradise gets kind of boring after a while.” 

Scott had appeared at some point. “Hope would want me to come home,” he said, “so would Cassie. I owe it to them to do what I need to do.”

Steve knew that if he asked them they would stay. He hated it, hated how they had followed him almost blindly and Steve had been selfish for his reasons because once it wasn’t about the Accords and it became about Bucky, he hadn’t even tried to stop before getting out of the airport and leaving all of them behind to get taken to The Raft. Everyone had blamed Tony, but it was Steve that had left them there to be taken in. 

“Clint, your kids,” Natasha said, “just – come see them. I can’t bear to go see them and have them ask about you. Please.”

Steve stood up. He hated to hear the pleading in her voice. “I think I’ll come too,” he said, “but as Steve Rogers. I can’t be Captain America yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find this and previous chapters on [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145160310432/cosmic-love-part-three-im-not-beat-up-by-this)


	4. You Do Such Damage, How Do You Manage? Tryna Crawling Back For More?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A couple of things: chapter two was momentarily erased yesterday which was just obnoxious and annoying but I guess that happens when you have a very clingy pregnant dog that sees my computer as competition for attention. So sorry if that caused any confusion for anyone. 
> 
> On another note, I absolutely love how much meta discussion the comments section has turned into. So that's good fun. 
> 
> And just to clear one more thing that I don't think I've mentioned before: the headings for number of months along obviously refer to how far along Tony's pregnancy and will show up right before a Tony centric scene...but they refer to the beginning of the month and not the end. Because I didn't want to dwell on the pregnancy the first chapter takes care of a chunk of that time, and at the start of this chapter he is just reaching at beginning of month eight. 
> 
> And lastly, thank you to everyone reading and for being so enthusiastic about this fic. 
> 
> The title comes from Florence and the Machine's "What Kind of Man"

**Eight Months Along**

 

“They’re coming back,” Pepper said. 

Her face came through a video feed on the tv in Tony’s bedroom. Tony who had been in the middle of saving what might have been the twentieth version of the Iron Man suit that he’d designed, looked up at the screen. 

“What?” he asked.

“Natasha just told me,” Pepper said, “they’re all coming back. I think she finally convinced them that Wakanda isn’t where they belong so they’re flying back tonight. I don’t know what this means when it comes to the Accords but maybe they’ve seen the changes.”

Tony didn’t know if the changes mattered any. 

“You don’t think she told them I’m pregnant do you?”

“No,” Pepper said, “she wouldn’t do that, not even if she’s mad at you.”

Tony wasn’t sure. If there was anyone that could figure out that the other father of Tony’s baby was Steve, it would be Natasha, and if she had no other way to get Steve to come back but telling him about the baby, then Natasha would do it. 

“I know what you’re thinking, Tony, and she wouldn’t have told them. Actually I told her to keep your location disclosed, but she will be taking them back to the compound.”

Tony nodded. “Good,” he said, “that’s very good. I don’t want to see them, not like this, and I really don’t – I can’t face any of this yet.”

He was good at keeping a front and continuing to move despite everything because there was always something else coming and there was always something that needed dealing with and Tony had found that motivation in the baby and in being as healthy as possible for him or her. It didn’t mean he didn’t think about the “war” or Steve or the rest of the team all the time and that when he couldn’t sleep it was half because he felt uncomfortable in his own body and the half of the time because he could still feel the fight down in his bones and the betrayal burrowing into his heart. 

“Tony, they are your friends,” Pepper said, “you can’t just keep them out because they didn’t agree with you. I know things with Steve will be difficult – you haven’t told anyone what happened in Siberia – but you can get through this.”

“I promise I’ll see them someday,” Tony said, “maybe after the baby is born – and maybe some of them before others. I don’t know. I just can’t right now.”

“Because you’re pregnant?” Pepper asked, “you know they won’t care.”

“No,” Tony said, “because I just can’t. But I’m also pregnant and what I say goes so there’s that.”

“We really shouldn’t have given you that power, but okay,” Pepper said, “I’ll talk to Natasha. They won’t have any clue where you are or what’s going on with you. We’ll tell them you’re in California.”

“Thank you,” Tony said.

Pepper ended the call and the movie Tony had on before she called came back onto the screen. Tony had been watching a lot of movies and binging on a lot of tv-shows that he never would have had the time to indulge in if it weren’t for Peanut and how much he really couldn’t do much anymore as he got bigger and bigger. 

There were just two months left, so for the most part Tony had started spending a lot of time in his bed or on the couch and while something was on the tv, he designed, researched, read, or shopped for Peanut. 

Tony didn’t know if Peanut was going to be a girl or boy, but he was buying gender neutral. Just the past week Peter, with help from Vision, had taken it upon themselves to paint Peanut’s room in a nice turquoise with white stripes. Tony loved it, but more than anything he was happy to know how excited the others were about Peanut. He’d even caught Peter reading a book on newborns the other day.

He set down his tablet and pressed his hands against his bump.

“Not too much longer, eh,” he said, “and then it’ll be me and you and that’s all we really need.”

\---

Clint flew the Quinjet to New York. Steve could tell that he was a bit conflicted still, but in the end he’d been the first one to go pack his things and then they were off. 

“It’s because he knows it’s his own fault he hasn’t seen his kids in months after promising to stay out of the superhero business,” Natasha told Steve, “he knows he has to make a choice now. You shouldn’t have called him, Steve.”

“He wouldn’t have come if he didn’t want to,” Steve said.

He was excited to get back to New York and to the compound. He also desperately wanted to see Tony. Steve hadn’t known how much he wanted to see Tony until the option was put in front of him and it was feasible. Leaving Bucky had been hard, but missing Tony was harder. Steve had never expected it to be so difficult. He’d never known what depending on someone was like until he was with Tony. It was something he couldn’t ignore.

“We’ve been keeping up with the news,” Sam said, “but what has been going on behind the scenes?”

Steve turned to hear Natasha’s answer. 

“Hill heard from Jane Foster who had word from Thor. I don’t know what he sent exactly, just that they thought it best to have all of us together. Whatever he went to investigate, I don’t know that what he found was good or bad but if it involves another realm or aliens or whatever it probably isn’t good. Um, Dr. Banner is back, obviously, he is only back as a scientist but he’s been helping out with Coulson’s people and the whole Inhuman thing. There’s also the whole Quake thing which I guess relates to the Accords. Coulson assures us that she’s a good person but going through something. Spider-Man’s been helping them out a bit but he’s in High School so very limited time.”

Spider-Man was a High School student and he had been very close to beating him during that airport fight even if he had talked too much. Still, he was a kid. He shouldn’t have been involved. 

“What about Stark?” Wanda asked, “what has he been up to?”

Steve held his breath. 

“He’s in California. He closed up the compound and left. Only Pepper knows where he is. I think he’s buried himself in work.”

Steve didn’t believe her. For one thing, Natasha had seen Tony recently so she had to know where he was unless they’d met in public. Considering how little the media had seen of Tony or Iron Man, they would have jumped at seeing out and about.

“He’s not living at the tower, then,” Sam said, “I would have thought that where he went. You said he got the phone right? Must have been at the compound at some point. That’s where you sent it, right Steve?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, “but he hasn’t called and he hasn’t picked up when I tried to call him.”

“He got the letter and phone,” Natasha said. 

They didn’t talk about Tony after that and Steve tuned them out until Clint was setting the Quinjet down in the dark landing. None of the lights were on, and it all looked like it had been abandoned. 

“He really did shut it down,” Wanda said.

“It wasn’t like he had anyone left for this place to be worth keeping it,” Sam pointed out, “we were all in Wakanda.” 

They turned everything back on after he and Natasha disabled the security protocols. Friday greeted them as the main building came to life. 

“Everything’s the same,” Wanda said as she stepped inside, “just like we left it.”

It was. So much so that Steve felt like he was walking into a dream and that he would find Tony in their room, and Vision trying to learn to cook in the kitchen, and Rhodey playing scrabble with Sam or Natasha. Of course, he wasn’t going to find any of that. 

Steve walked past the kitchen and past the table where Tony and Ross had had them when they brought out the Accords and then he went into the office that had technically belonged to him but had been used by all of them for one thing or another. The desk was just the same, but that’s where he found the letter he’d sent Tony. It was folded neatly and left right on top of the desk by the monitor. Other things had been moved, but for the most part it was just like he’d left it. Steve moved on to their bedroom. 

It was a bit odd to step inside and note that Tony really hadn’t stepped in there since the last time Steve had been there. The bed was made and covered in a layer of dust. The drawers on the dresser were full of his and Tony’s clothes. The closet was the same. All of their things were just there, left behind. 

There was a picture frame sitting on a bedside table with a picture of the two of them. It was old from when they’d been living at the tower. They were both smiling and happy. Steve had had the picture back in his bedroom at the tower for a long time and Steve could still remember how weirdly happy it had made Tony to see it. Steve picked it up. Was there a way to get back to that?

For a while, Steve just stared at it, and then he flipped it down because it hurt. It hurt to know that there had been a time when they were happy and that it was long gone and that there was no way to know that things could ever get back to what they were. 

He left the bedroom after composing himself and continued to explore. There were a few things missing here or there, but nothing huge. Then he went down to the workshop. It was all gone. He had expected the bots to be gone because they were practically a part of Tony, but so were all his suits and all the things he’d been working on. Some of the tech was still there and a lot of his tools, but everything that had made the space Tony’s had disappeared. If he had gone back to the tower, he wouldn’t have taken everything. Maybe he really had gone to California. 

“Looks weird, doesn’t it?” Natasha said, coming up behind him.

“He really won’t come back, will he,” Steve said.

Natasha didn’t respond. Instead she walked across the room and picked up a sheet. Underneath it was the shield. It was just as Steve had left it. The Black Panther’s claw marks still marred it. 

“I thought he took it with him,” Steve said. He had expected that Tony would take it, because Howard had made it. Howard had made it, and Bucky had killed Howard. 

“I don’t think he had much use for it,” Natasha said.

He didn’t take it when she tried to offer it to him. He didn’t deserve the shield. He didn’t deserve to wear that mantle. 

\---

Tony was watching Doctor Who. He remembered watching it when he was little mostly because Aunt Peggy had always insisted that he would enjoy it and Tony had loved it. He had always loved science fiction. He just hadn’t expected to grow up and to find out that there was so much that was actually possible. 

“This is a pretty good show,” Peter said. 

Aunt May was gone for the week for work and Peter was skipping school to hang out with Tony. 

“You have to watch the classic episodes at some point, Spidey,” Tony said, “the quality isn’t great and they can be downright silly, but they’re still good.”

“Yes, definitely,” Peter said.

After some silence Peter spoke again. “So, the rest of the Avengers came back last night, then? Vision said he was going to see them.”

Tony nodded. He was trying not to think about it too much. The fact that Steve and the others were not even an hour away was hard. It was tempting to just say “fuck it” and get Vision to take him over the compound incognito to see the team and Steve, but he just couldn’t do it. He couldn’t even get himself to tell Friday to give him a video feed, but he had asked to know about their condition. 

“Must be weird,” Peter said, “after that huge fight and everything.”

“It is,” Tony said, “and considering Peanut, I don’t think it’s something I want to trouble myself with. Simmons said to watch my blood pressure after all.”

Friday hadn’t told him much, just that they were all physically fine and that they seemed to be mostly happy to be back. She reported that Steve had seen the shield. Tony had almost forgotten that he’d left it behind in his workshop there. 

They were finishing with their episode, when Friday announced the arrival of Natasha. 

“I don’t think they suspect you’re still on the East Coast,” she said instead of a greeting, “but Steve looks like a kicked puppy and while he won’t ask, he keeps pulling out that phone and trying to pretend that he hasn’t tried to call you about a hundred times. Could you pick up for once, Stark.”

Tony sighed and paused the episode. He heard Peter get up and mumble something about getting a snack. 

“I don’t have the phone,” he said, “so tell him to stop bothering. Is Vision over there now? He wanted to see Wanda. I really don’t understand what kind of relationship those two hope to have all things considered, but it’s probably still healthier than whatever was going on with me and Steve for all those months. Now, what do you want, Nat?” 

Natasha’s fight left her. He could tell from how she sat down a bit looser and as if she knew that there wasn’t anything she could say that might change his mind. 

“Look,” Tony said, “everything that happened – it shouldn’t have gone that far but he brought it there. He – he lied to me, Nat, after, god, after everything with Ultron and whatever he lied to me. So while I’m pregnant and getting bigger and my mood keeps getting worse and worse the longer I grow a human being inside me, I don’t think I’d be in any kind of mind to see Steve Rogers or his merry band of followers.”

Natasha inched closer to the edge of her seat and she reached over to grab his hand. “Tony, I’m not here because I’m choosing sides. I did that once, remember, and I was with you. I’m still with you, but they’re still also our friends. Just remember that, okay, and I didn’t come to fight. Actually, I want to make sure that my niece or nephew comes out perfect and for that I would do anything. I came to warn you, actually, Coulson’s people found a Hydra base and they found a frozen soldier.”

“They were all dead,” Tony whispered, “in Siberia, they were all dead. Zemo killed them.”

“I thought so too,” Natasha said, “but it seems there are more. Frozen still probably, but out there. Only the two of us and Fury know aside from Coulson and this isn’t info that we can give to the UN not with Bucky being – well, I don’t want them to have reason to ask us to go after him. I don’t know what to do, Tony.”

Tony didn’t know either, and he hated the idea of hiding secrets. There had been enough of that for a while yet. It was a bit hypocritical considering he was in hiding himself, and that he didn’t want to tell the rest of the team about his pregnancy. He kept telling himself that that was different.

“Here’s the thing,” Tony said, “it doesn’t matter who goes or how this is done but it has to be covert. Us that signed the accords, it could lead us to some trouble if anything goes wrong especially if it’s in one of the countries in agreement with the accords. We would have no jurisdiction. If one of Steve’s goes then whatever charges were dropped could be brought up again and things could be even worse. Could Couson’s people manage this? They’re technically working with government sanction.”

Natasha shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know,” she said, “it’s an option. I think maybe Fury should decide.”

“I’ve never liked having a decision put on my shoulders,” Tony said, “not sure that it ends well.”

Natasha rolled her eyes and then moved closer, her hands landing on Tony’s bump, “So, little Nat, how’s it going in there?”

“Not her name – if it is a her,” Tony muttered.

\---

The first week was weird. Living at a place that he had once considered home but didn’t feel like home anymore was nothing short of strange. Steve barely slept. Being in Wakanda and sleeping in a guest bedroom had made it easier to forget that for months his bed had belonged to two people. So being in that bed and in that room, it made him toss and turn until he just took to wandering around the compound. 

For all that Natasha had told them that there was something happening, no one had come to give them any more information and Natasha came and went without notice. Steve was almost ready to call her ruse. 

Then, one day she showed up with Vision and Spider-Man. The teenager was in full costume and Vision was wearing one of his dark turtlenecks. 

“We thought,” Natasha said, “that we might get some training in. Spidey was promised to get some pointers from some Avengers but it hasn’t quite worked out yet.”

“Oh,” Steve said, “well, I’m not opposed to that. I’m sure we can get Sam and Scott on this. Could be good practice. You were impressive in Germany, kid.”

“Thank you, Mr. Rogers. Cap? Are you still Captain America? What am I supposed to call you? I mean, of course you’re Captain America. Why wouldn’t you be. And you’re back, you know, so that’s pretty cool.”

Steve remembered that Spider-Man was a talker, but he hadn’t recalled quite how much. 

“Steve or Cap. Whatever is fine,” he said.

“Cool,” Spider-Man said, “works for me.”

They roped Wanda into going with them even though she seemed a bit wary of going near Vision until he pulled her aside and they seemed to have a quick discussion that seemed to clear the air. Steve could only wish for his and Tony’s reconciliation – if ever there was one – to go as well. 

The difference, he supposed, was how Vision was so logical and in a way all-knowing. Also that Wanda and Vision were friends more than anything else. 

They were all a bit rusty having not done much back in Wakanda, but it was nice to get back to their old drills and their old training. Natasha was as interested in Spider-Man as he was, so the two of them watched him as he just showed off his powers. He really was amazing to watch. Steve could understand why Tony had gone to recruit him. Steve just hated that he seemed to be really young. He also seemed intent on keeping his identity to himself. 

“Tony made him the suit,” Natasha told him while Wanda and Clint teamed up against Scott and Sam. 

“Figured,” Steve said, “he couldn’t have done that all on his own.”

“Actually, I think he could have,” Natasha said, “he’s brilliant. He and Tony they really bonded. I think he reminds Tony of himself.”

Steve could see that. It was the rambling, the brilliance that Natasha claimed the kid possessed, and more than anything else, the goodness. 

“How did he come to be like this?” Steve asked.

“Got bitten by a spider,” Natasha said.

Steve laughed. “Well, then,” he said.

The rest of training went well. They were still the team that they had once been. Spider-Man fit in too, his powers were an asset that Steve couldn’t deny and with more training he knew that he could become an integral part of the team. Steve just wished that when he did Tony might be there to see it too considering he’d brought him in. 

Sam ordered food and everyone gathered in the den to eat and while Steve could tell that Spider-Man had some reservations about taking off his mask, the promise of food changed his mind rather quickly. Under the mask was just a teenager. He couldn’t be more than fifteen. He looked young. 

“You don’t have to tell us your real name if you don’t want to, Spider-Man,” Steve told him as he handed him a plate.

“No, no,” Spider-Man said, “I wasn’t trying to hide my identity really, although I really don’t want anyone to know who I am. I just – I wanted to see what you were all like first. I’ve been watching the news for ages about you guys and all of my friends are big fans. But I know that Tony doesn’t want to see you and it’s really understandable considering, but I just wanted to make up my own mind and have an out, I guess, because I want to like you, but you also hurt him. And Tony is – he’s pretty great and he didn’t like forbid me from coming with Vision, but he wasn’t exactly happy but maybe that’s because we couldn’t get started on another season of Doctor Who and he promised we were watching it together so—”

Steve didn’t hear anything else. Spider-Man knew where Tony was. Not only that, but Tony was still in New York. Natasha had lied to him. Steve had to wonder why. Why lie about where Tony was and not just tell Steve that Tony didn’t want to see him? None of it made sense. 

“Oh,” Spider-Man said suddenly, “oh, no. I wasn’t supposed to say that. Thinking about it now, that was why he wanted to – no, damn it. I was talking about Bruce! You know, The Hulk. Yeah. We’ve become really close lately. The whole, um, mutation thing, you know and—”

Steve shook his head. No one else around them had heard, all of them busy in their conversations. Wanda and Vision had disappeared. Natasha was talking with Sam and Clint. Scott was off in the kitchen on the phone. 

“Nope,” Steve said, “so Tony isn’t in California, then?”

Spider-Man gulped. “No, he’s not,” he said, “but he wants his privacy and he’s in no state to receive visitors. You have to leave him alone or – or you’ll have to go through me.” 

“Do you really want to try that, kid,” Steve said and gave him a pointed look. 

His mind was reeling. What kind of state was he in? What could have happened to make Tony Stark want to hide away from the world? At first Steve had thought that he had just buried himself in work, but that couldn’t be it. Tony had always been a busy man, but even at his busiest he had been seen. Steve couldn’t help but wonder if it was his fault. Natasha had assured him time and time again that Tony was physically well, but that didn’t mean that he was mentally well. 

There had always been nightmares and insomnia and a touch of PTSD. They were all a little messed up from everything they’d seen, but had their “war” been the breaking point that would send Tony Stark to the point of no return. Or was it the grief? 

“Steve, Steve? Cap – Mr. Rogers?” Spider-Man waved his hand over Steve’s face.

Steve blinked. 

“Listen, Spider-Man, I have to know. Where is he? I need to see him. I need to know that he’s okay and that he hasn’t gone and done something stupid because he does things like that and sometimes it’s not his fault, it’s just how he is, but I need to know. I need to know.”

Spider-Man shook his head. “I – no,” he said, “I couldn’t. I’ve said too much already. He’s okay, you know. He’s happy, I think.”

Steve didn’t know how to take that. It was the assurances of a child that hadn’t known Tony for longer than a few months. Steve couldn’t take it as the full truth, but he knew he wouldn’t be getting any kind of answer from him past that because Spider-Man believed that Tony was okay. He was also loyal to a fault and his loyalty despite how well he might be able to work with Steve, would always be to Tony. Steve could see it in his eyes. There was idolization and adoration and protectiveness for Tony there. Steve was glad, but he didn’t want to be the thing that Tony needed to be protected from. 

Tony had left enough of their gadgets behind, so it was easy to at some point during the night to steal down to the shop and grab one of the trackers Tony had made, and to then stick it onto Spider-Man’s backpack. Steve knew it was wrong and that Tony would be angry at him, but Steve needed to know that he was alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone, and you can also find this chapter [on my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145233604372/cosmic-love-part-four-you-do-such-damage-how).


	5. And My Love is No Good Against the Fortress that it Made of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will never get over the response this is getting so thank you so much for indulging in reading this. :)  
> This chapter was so much fun to write even the angsty bits. So enjoy. 
> 
> Chapter title from Queen of Peace by Florence and the Machine.

“Bed rest,” Tony repeated to Simmons, “are you absolutely, positively certain? As in this is the only option?”

“I’m afraid so,” Simmons said, “we knew it might come to this, remember, and frankly I think this should have been my recommendation a few weeks ago but I didn’t push it. You aren’t a woman, Tony, you aren’t built like one. There’s just some things that we have to work with. Actually, it’s extraordinary that it has gone so well so far.”

Tony nodded. He had seen it coming. It wasn’t the best news, but Tony knew he could handle it. It wasn’t like he’d been doing too much anyway. He walked around the house a lot and helped Vision in the kitchen when he was bored, but Pepper had already banned him from the shop well ahead of Simmons saying anything, and Bruce only ever let him observe when he went to the lab that Tony had constructed for him. 

At least Bruce’s research was interesting to read seeing as it revolved around Peter’s mutation and how it came to be. A radioactive spider had bitten him, and Bruce argued that it was because it had bitten Peter, that the mutation had been allowed to happen. 

“I don’t know for certain,” Bruce said, “and we obviously can’t test it, but I don’t think just anyone could have survived that bite or come out of it like Peter.”

The idea intrigued Tony, but mostly he found Peter’s abilities fascinating. They were like nothing else and so organic in a way that Tony didn’t expect because of course he had to rely on the suit and about half their team relied so much on tech of one form or another that to have someone whose strength came from within themselves made Peter a novelty. 

“And this didn’t happen because of some sort of serum,” Bruce said when Tony pointed it out.

“Just some experimentation with spiders,” Tony offered.

In a way it was all the same. After all, none of them knew why the spider that bit Peter had been capable of giving him abilities. They didn’t know the reasoning behind the experimentation. Tony intended to find out, but he couldn’t do all of the work from his bed and he refused to involve Peter aside from asking him questions. 

When Peter admitted to it happening as Oscorp, it had left Tony wondering what the company was up to. Aside from the fact that they were competition for SI, Tony had never really trusted Normal Osborn. He was starting to trust him even less. It was all something for him to really get a good look into after he was off bed rest and able to leave the Mansion. 

“So does that mean staying in my bedroom all the time and having everyone bring me food and whatever else all the time,” Tony asked Simmons with a tilt of his head, “or can I at least come down for meals?” 

“Mr. Stark,” she said, “of course it doesn’t mean always being in bed. It just means that you cannot be up and about for long periods. I’ve already told Dr. Banner and Vision. You’ve been fantastic about every other part of this pregnancy and this is just one more. Just think – less than two months to go.”

It was all he thought about. “Okay,” he said, “for Peanut.”

“Exactly,” Simmons said, smiling fondly, “for Peanut.”

Simmons packed up her things, leaving behind the new sonogram picture even though Tony knew that Friday already had everything saved. Tony had a whole file dedicated to the baby. It had everything from the first sonogram to even pictures of Tony’s growing bump dated by month. It was meant as a bit of sentimentality, but Tony knew it was also there for another reason, and he hated how weird it made him feel, but the file was for Steve. Tony just didn’t know if it would ever be needed for that reason. Still, it was nice to have, and Tony would be glad to look back. 

After Simmons left, Tony settled into the couch because it was nearly the same as a bed and really the whole point was rest, and he was there until Pepper arrived with Peter in tow and they both joined him and made him lunch. 

When the baby had hiccups after lunch, Peter seemed entranced with seeing how Tony’s bump moved. 

“It’s weirdly cool,” Peter said, “like when Peanut kicks, makes it seem so much more real. Actual baby in there. Crazy.”

Tony just laughed and let Peter rest his hands over his belly. He was used to having Peter, Pepper, Natasha, Bruce, and even Vision touch him constantly, not that they hadn’t touched him a lot before the pregnancy. There just seemed to be a lot more. It came with the territory. Peanut was so loved already. Tony would always make sure he or she knew they were loved. 

\---

It took a whole week and a half before the tracker gave Steve anything concrete. He spent hours watching the monitors. Spider-Man went to a home in Queens, and he really hadn’t been lying about that, and he went to school, and he was all over New York city. Steve assumed one of those places was school, but other times it was probably him out there as Spider-Man and he never spent a lot of time anywhere that wasn’t school or home until one day he was at the Avengers tower and then he was headed to upstate New York. 

For a moment Steve had thought that he was heading to the compound, but instead he went just a few miles further and there he stayed for the rest of the night until morning when he left early directly to school. 

Steve watched for a few days longer and when the weekend arrived, Spider-Man was back on the same route to upstate New York and back to the same place. 

“Back to Tony,” Steve whispered. It had to be. Unless Spider-Man had family that lived in the area like grandparents or aunts or uncles there was no reason for him to be there so constantly. 

So the next time he saw Spider-Man headed there, he got the coordinates and without saying a word to anyone he got on his bike and he drove over. It was a mansion. 

The place had a gate, but it was open, and more importantly it looked like it needed to be repaired. If Steve hadn’t known better, he would have called it shoddy security, but he knew Tony. There were probably cameras everywhere. But Steve’s goal was to see Tony, so it didn’t matter. He drove right through the gates and up the long drive to the house. 

It was beautiful, the kind of house that Steve could have only imagined in his dreams when he was growing up in Brooklyn. Decadent but elegant. One sole car was parked outside and it wasn’t any of Tony’s flashy and too expensive sports cars but a sleek black town car. 

Steve parked his bike beside it and took his time dismounting. There was no reaction from within, but maybe they were waiting, or they hadn’t noticed him yet. He wondered if Friday was installed or if Tony had created another AI entirely for the mansion. He approached the white door. It had an actual knocker and none of Tony’s fancy tech attached to it. There was no doorbell. So, Steve knocked, dropping his fist on the door. 

It didn’t take long before Friday spoke.

“Mr. Rogers,” she said, “I will announce your presence.”

Steve waited. The door was in a bit of a nook, so Steve leaned against one side and crossed his arms. When the door opened, it was Pepper. 

Pepper smiled a tight smile at him. “What can I do for you, Mr. Rogers,” she said.

Steve watched her, trying to find something in her expression, but she gave nothing away. 

“I’m here to see Tony,” Steve said, “I know he’s here. Whatever lies you and Nat have been telling, they end now. I know he’s not in California.”

“Mr. Stark is in California,” Pepper said, “this is my home. I don’t know how you found it or why you’ve decided that Tony is here, but he is not.”

“Well, then is Spider-Man here? Or maybe Vision. Maybe Dr. Banner. Any of them here? Because I know none of them are living at the tower but they’re also not at the compound, so they have to be here right.”

Pepper shrugged her shoulders. “Sure, they live here. That doesn’t meant that Tony does. You know very well that he and I are not together anymore. I may be his CEO but I don’t live with him.”

Steve had prepared for this. He’d done his research. He’d known what he might encounter. 

“Okay,” he said, “that’s all true, but then why do you have an apartment in Manhattan?”

“How I choose to spend my money and time is none of your concern, Steve Rogers,” Pepper snapped and she made to close the door, but Steve stopped her in time and he really had had enough so he pushed it open and he stepped inside despite Pepper’s protests.

He didn’t expect for Spider-Man still in jeans and a t-shirt to tie up his hands just as he had back at the airport, within moments of him stepping inside. 

Steve broke out of the webbing easily, but Spider-Man wasn’t done and Steve found himself trying to stop the teenager from taking him out of the house while Pepper was still yelling and then suddenly Bruce Banner was there and Steve was so shocked to see him that Spider-Man managed to completely tie him up in webbing. 

“You really shouldn’t have come here,” Bruce said and wiped at his glasses.

“I just want to know if Tony is okay,” Steve rushed to say, “Natasha is so vague and I know things didn’t end well but I – I need to know that he’s okay. He’s – it’s all I think about. He hasn’t answered my phone calls although I doubt he has the phone, and I just need to know that he’s not hurt or upset or—”

“Of course he’s upset,” Pepper snapped, “of course he is, Steve, and you don’t deserve to know anything about him. You don’t get to ask after him or expect us to just tell you. He isn’t okay. How could he be? So, for all of our sanities could you please leave. You’ve left him before.”

“But—” Steve began.

It was a losing fight. These people, they were all on Tony’s side and Steve didn’t want them not to be. He wanted them to be even if they were against him. 

“I have to agree with Pepper,” Bruce said, “it might be best if you left.”

\---

Tony was freaking out. He was hiding in his room, sitting in the middle of his bed with blankets pooling around his lap, and his hands shaking where they held his tablet. He had tried to ignore everything and just keep working on designing the War Machine suit for Rhodey, but it was hard. He wished that one of them had come up with him as a show of support. Tony just hadn’t expected for Steve to show up demanding to see him. 

He could hear them arguing and Peter trying his best to keep him at bay. Tony willed himself to not pull up a feed from the cameras, but he was desperate to see him even if from afar. Steve was in his house. He was just feet away. 

Tony rubbed at his bump. He was torn. He wanted to see Steve. He wanted to go down and face him and yet there was just too much. There was Peanut and there was guilt and betrayal and Tony hated him. He hadn’t known that he did, but it was there, the anger and the pain. Steve had lied to him, kept him in the dark over something so important and Tony just couldn’t. He couldn’t look at him and not go back to the night in Siberia. 

Tony didn’t know when he curled into himself, arms wrapped around his bump and his cheeks damper than he’d expected them to be, but he had. He waited it out listening but not asking Friday to amplify. 

He didn’t know how long he lay there, but there was a soft knock and Pepper called his name.

“Come in,” he croaked.

Friday must have released the locks, because Pepper entered.

“Oh, Tony,” she said and he felt her hands settle on his cheeks and then falling to his shoulders. Her shoes fell on the ground with a thud and she crawled in behind him, her slim arms wrapping around him. 

“I still love him,” Tony whispered after a while.

“I know,” Pepper said.

“Peanut is his,” Tony added. He hadn’t told anyone.

“I know,” Pepper whispered again, “I know, Tony.”

Tony let out a sob. 

\---

Steve sat outside, leaning on his bike for a while after Bruce led him to the door. 

“Look,” Bruce said, “you just have to know that he is okay. That’s all you get to know. He’s fine. Tony is Tony and that’s just what he is, but Steve, that doesn’t mean he’s hurt or that he isn’t hurting. But he has me and Pepper and Vision and Peter and even Nat. I know he’s your friend and you maybe feel bad about what happened, but just know that he has us.”

Steve had forgotten how much Bruce didn’t know. No one had filled him in either which was curious. Still, he was left feeling like he had to listen to Bruce. Tony didn’t want to see him. It hurt. He had to respect his wishes. 

Eventually, Spider-Man came out.

“Hey, Spider-Man,” Steve said.

“Name’s Peter,” Peter said, “Friday told me you were still here.” He handed Steve a bottle of water.

“Peter,” Steve said, “solid name.”

Peter shrugged his shoulders. “I guess,” he said, “are you going to stay here long? Because it’s a bit creepy, you know, this whole stalking thing. And that’s how you figured out this was where he was, isn’t it? You followed me or something?”

“Tracker,” Steve admitted.

“Ah,” Peter said, “right. I’ll have to tell Tony about that. I think it would have made him paranoid about Natasha again. But, he’s always sort of paranoid with her. I think he has trust issues.”

Steve winced. He was partially to blame for that. 

“Anyway, I volunteered to come out here to tell you that Vision will be back soon and he won’t be happy to see you. See, I like you, Steve. Actually, Captain America was always my favorite Avenger before I met Iron Man, so I’ve always liked you but Tony is – he’s sort of filling this role in my life right now where he’s kind of my mentor and I really like him and I’m not saying this to hurt you or anything, but he’s been happy lately. He’s been a lot happier than when I first saw him a few months ago and it hurts him to talk about you and he really doesn’t need the stress right now so can you just promise me to stay away.”

He would do anything for Tony. Steve wished he had stayed in Wakanda and that the temptation to not show up at Tony’s house every day wasn’t presented to him. He wished that Natasha hadn’t insisted and brought him back. 

“I think I can promise that,” Steve said, “you’re very perceptive, you know.”

Peter smiled. “I know.”

“But,” Steve said, “I also want you to promise me that if he ever needs anything – anything at all and there’s no one else that you’ll call me. I’m still his friend.”

Peter nodded. 

Steve took a long drink from the water bottle Peter had brought him and then he got on his bike.

“Oh,” Peter said quickly, “can I get one more promise out of you?”

Steve laughed. “Sure, kid.”

“Next time I come by the compound, can you show me how to ride your bike? I’ve always wanted to, they just seem so cool, you know, and my Uncle Ben always said that he would show me one day but he – well, he passed away last year and Aunt May was never as cool as Uncle Ben so of course she’d be totally against it.”

Steve was glad to see that there really were no grudges between them even if it was obvious that Peter would still take Tony’s side. Actually, Steve was glad that he would. Tony needed to have people that cared about him enough to protect him. It made Steve’s worry lessen. 

“We can do that,” Steve said, “it’s practically a part of being an Avenger. Nat is way better than me.” 

He left Peter with a wave and didn’t look back at the house after he’d reached the gate. 

\---

The fluttering kicks of Peanut somehow grounded Tony and brought him back from any moment when he might lose himself to thoughts about Steve. Hearing his voice, even muted through the walls of the mansion had brought everything back. It wasn’t easy to push his feelings into a box and tape the box closed, because they wanted out. They were meant for him to feel. Tony blamed the hormones. 

Peter and Pepper both assured him that Steve wouldn’t be coming back, but instead of Steve just a day later, he found Natasha, Fury, and King T’Challa sitting in his den waiting for him. 

Tony who had only been expecting Natasha and was waddling more than ever, almost jumped, but composed himself quickly.

“Ms. Romanov was not kidding, then,” King T’Challa said, “you are pregnant.”

“Why would I make up a lie like that,” Natasha said and stared at her nails. 

Fury didn’t even react. He had probably taken Natasha’s or Coulson’s words as the truth and moved on because Tony Stark being pregnant was not as important as a million other things that were going on in the world. 

“So, why are we having this meeting?” Tony asked. 

Natasha got up to help him sit and Tony had long gotten over having to be helped to sit down or do most things that he didn’t even protest and he sighed when she helped add a pillow behind his back as added support. 

“Agent Romanov told you about the possibility of more assets,” Fury said, “one was found and dealt with, but the facts are that there could be more.”

“Well, I wish I could help, but I’m currently very pregnant and on bed rest,” Tony said, “what do you need from me?”

King T’Challa looked uncomfortable about the topic, as if he didn’t know how to bring it up. Fury had no qualms. Tony thought that he liked that about him, the way that he would just present the situation even if often all the information wasn’t there. 

“We spoke to Zemo,” Fury said, “and he informed us that the serum came courtesy of your father. The Winter Soldier took it from him and that’s what they used to make the others. We need to know how much of it he had, how much of it was taken.”

Tony remembered the video. That’s what Buc—no, The Winter Soldier—it was what he’d been after. His mom had died so Hydra could create more brainwashed super soldiers. Looking at Fury, Tony wondered if he’d known that his parents hadn’t just died in a car accident. He couldn’t tell, but then Fury nearly always knew everything. Still, Tony hadn’t thought about the serum and how his dad had had the serum in his car. His dad and Shield. If only they had all left very well alone. The world didn’t need super soldiers good or bad. Perhaps if they hadn’t tried then The Winter Soldier might not have even gone after his mom and dad. Tony couldn’t deal in what-ifs. 

“What do you need from me?” Tony asked.

“Shield doesn’t have any knowledge that Howard had the serum,” Fury said, “I’ve had Coulson search but the information isn’t there or somewhere along the way it got deleted. It’s not even in anything that Romanov leaked when Shield fell. But we thought that your dad might have kept information about it within his personal files. We gave you everything we had on your father a few years ago, but I can bet you have even more.

Tony remembered. His house had been full of boxes with so much information about his father and the things he’d been involved in, and Tony had never got around to looking at all of it. He’d had it stored away for another time but there had never been time. 

“Should be at the tower,” Tony said, “or in storage, I can’t remember. Pepper might be more help. She can also get everything else out of storage. We moved his things from this house there. So, again, why are you here?”

“There’s another thing,” Natasha said, “and we didn’t want to burden you with it, but it’s becoming a bit pressing.” 

Tony sighed. “What is?” 

There was always something. 

“It seems that Thor knows where another one of the stones is,” Natasha said, “and that never means anything good. He sent word to Jane to let us know. He is still is Asgard, but he might return soon.” 

Tony groaned. He remembered how worried Thor had been before he left for Asgard the last time Tony saw him and they hadn’t heard from him since. He’d been so concerned about a larger threat ahead and now it was possibly becoming real. Tony still had dreams about going through that wormhole into space. He could also remember all of his friends dead in that vision from Wanda. Whatever was coming, it was a threat from out there, and it wouldn’t be good. He knew what everyone else around him was thinking, they would all need to be together when it came to it. It didn’t matter how broken the team was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will probably be up by Tuesday. 
> 
> This and other chapter can be found [on my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145319661432/cosmic-love-part-five-and-my-love-is-no-good) where you can also come bother me at any time.


	6. Every Time I Try to Bring it Down You Always Turn My Head Around

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First: Once more a thank you to everyone that's reading and that has been so opinionated about this fic. I love it. 
> 
> I had a bit of a hard time with this chapter - mostly because I was conflicted about how I wanted certain things to go and I actually ended up moving a few scenes I wrote for this chapter to the next one which I think I'm a lot happier with. So I hope you all enjoy it. 
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Make Up Your Mind" by Florence and the Machine.

Steve went around to Tony’s house almost every day, driving past it, or driving up to the door and lingering before he left. He knew they didn’t want him there and he knew that Tony was probably aware of how often Steve just sat outside the mansion as if it would make a difference, but he went anyway. There just wasn’t anyone to stop him and Steve couldn’t help himself. He did feel a bit bad about breaking Peter’s promise, but he didn’t try to see Tony again. He didn’t deserve to. 

Natasha had gone on a mission and Vision had gone with her. There was mention of King T’Challa joining them, but no confirmation It was all need to know and with Steve still refusing to sign the accords, it left him in the dark. It bothered him a little bit, but Steve had only just recently decided that he might as well read the accords. From how Wanda – who had gone and signed them – put it, it was a line of protection for them. 

“Read them, Steve,” she’d said, “I promise you’ll find that they’re necessary. They aren’t what they were before. Reading them isn’t signing them.”

So, Steve had started reading and what he found was not what he’d feared in some ways. There was still a lot there that Steve disagreed with and the idea behind anyone having control of their actions was still too much for Steve to take when there was always some agenda behind them. Steve wanted to discuss it with Natasha, to get her view on everything, but of course she was gone on her mission. 

Scott was reading them too. Steve knew he was ready to sign them and it was because he was a father and because Hope who had showed up to visit for a few days was perfectly encouraging of it. 

“Everything you did was stupid,” Steve had heard Hope telling Scott, “my father and I were worried, you know, and he wouldn’t even let me – well, the point is, you’re an idiot.” 

She’d taken him with her back to visit Scott’s daughter and so the team was down to Sam, Clint, Wanda, Steve, and unofficially Peter. So there wasn’t much for Steve to do but keep working with them on training and spending time at the gym or taking long runs before he sneaked off to drive by Tony’s mansion. 

It was lucky he did, because on an afternoon when he was just driving past the gates, he saw a strange person stalking towards the house. Steve didn’t take notice of him at first, but then he realized that the stranger could have been Bucky if he’d been missing an arm, because he was wearing a very similar black outfit and even a mask. Steve didn’t have to think, before he followed. Was someone trying to impersonate Bucky again and this time by going after Tony? Steve couldn’t be sure. He followed, driving towards him and attracting his attention just at the gates of the mansion.

The man turned and Steve jumped off the bike and hit him with his whole body weight, but aside from bringing him down to the ground, it didn’t seem to have made a difference. Steve had the bad feeling that he wasn’t just pretending to be Bucky, but that he was another Soldier. Either Zemo hadn’t killed all of them like he said, or worse there were more out there and this one had been activated for a reason. Whatever it was, it seemed to revolve around Tony or perhaps Bruce. It was more likely to be Tony. 

The man was quick, mere seconds after he was on the ground he was moving and coming for Steve. One of his fists slammed on Steve’s shoulder hard and his hand grabbed his arm and turned it. Steve only just managed to get out of the hold by kicking at his shin. For a while he just kept coming for Steve, and Steve was on the defensive, only just managing to block or avoid being hit while not getting even close to hitting him. It was obvious that the Soldier was still distracted by his task because he kept trying to head towards the house and Steve had to keep trying to stop him. 

When they were just outside of the house, Steve stumbled to the ground. He jumped back to his feet but the Soldier had started for the door. Steve tried to stop him, but only received a punch to the gut. He gasped for breath and had to come even closer to the house. An idea popped into his head as he got closer. 

"Friday! Friday!" Steve yelled as he was thrown to the ground. 

No one responded, and Steve took a punch to the jaw. It threw his head back into the ground and he groaned. The soldier kneed him as he got up, and Steve only managed to grab him by the ankle, but it did nothing. He was shaken off like a rag and thrown aside.

“Please, Friday,” Steve muttered.

It was surprising that no response came from Friday and the no other security measures were happening. Tony would never leave himself this open. At the very least his AI would respond. If Friday wasn’t responding, then there had to be more to the planning of the attack. It might mean other things weren’t working well either. He gritted his teeth as the Soldier threw something at the door. In seconds it was blown back, debris falling everywhere. Before Steve could do anything, the Soldier stepped over the bits of door that had been left and Steve had to scramble to his feet to follow. He suddenly wished he had the shield with him. 

He reached the Soldier and shoved him against the wall and tried to hold him there as he accessed the area inside the house for anything that might help, but there was nothing. 

"Tony! Bruce!" He yelled, hoping they might hear him. 

No one answered. Steve desperately hoped they weren't home because one of them was the target and Steve could only just manage to hold his own against the Soldier who seemed to move faster than anyone Steve had ever fought. He used his whole body and had Steve not been fighting him he would have admired his style.

For the number of times that Steve managed to strike him directly, the Soldier had done more. Steve knew he had broken a rib when he was kicked into a table in the foyer and that he had a gash on the back of his head which probably wasn’t good. The Soldier on the other hand seemed to be unhurt and while Steve pulled himself away from a broken mirror, he had started up the stairs. Just as Steve followed, he heard running steps and Bruce appeared, holding a gun. 

"Steve?" Bruce asked. 

Steve was busy trying to get a hold of the Soldier and they both tumbled down the steps and over the railing. 

Bruce seemed frantic with worry. 

“Have you seen Tony?” He asked Steve, “Friday, where is Tony?”

There was no answer from Friday.

"Disabled probably," Steve breathed out as he punched the Soldier hard a few times and Bruce stepped closer and before Steve could say anything, shot him. 

“Tranquilizer,” Bruce said as if it was an afterthought and then he ran up the stairs and Steve ran after him, knowing that the tranquilizer had probably been in the house to use against The Hulk and so it would certainly work on a Super Soldier. 

Bruce looked back at him once and Steve thought that maybe he would stop him from following but he just kept going. Then, they reached a door and Bruce looked at Steve. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said.

“Considering what just happened, you might want to rethink that,” Steve said.

Bruce didn’t say anything as he pushed the door open and sighed in relief. Steve looked over Bruce’s shoulder only to find a lump under an afghan and then Tony’s head sticking out. He was fast asleep.

“He was never a deep sleeper,” Steve said, “is he sick? Is he alright?” 

Bruce didn’t answer for a moment and then nodded. “He does have a cold,” he said and walked over to the bed. 

Steve couldn’t move further into the room. He felt like he wasn’t allowed, like it would be breaking Tony’s trust, even though he wanted nothing more than to finally get to see Tony even if he was asleep. 

“He always denied when he was sick,” Steve said in a whisper, “like he couldn’t catch a cold. I’m surprised he’s in bed. He really is okay, isn’t he?”

Bruce looked back at him. “He is,” he said.

Steve could tell that there was something he wasn’t saying, but Steve couldn’t tell if that meant that it was good or bad. Then the unexpected happened. Tony woke up. Steve was frozen at the door as Tony opened his eyes and moved his arm up in a stretch without sitting up. He was turned away, facing Bruce. 

“Bruce,” Tony said, voice heavy with sleep, “what are you doing here? Were you making noise a bit ago? Thought I heard something. Of course, Peanut seems to be thinking being a gymnast is in their future not that I—”

For a moment it took Steve back to hear Tony’s voice. He’d missed the sound of it and the way he could just talk and talk and keep talking because that was just what he did. He barely even heard what he said before Bruce was interrupting him. 

Bruce coughed. “Hey, Tones,” he said and shook his head.

Tony trailed off and Steve could practically see the question. 

“Steve is here,” Bruce said gently, “there was a situation.” 

Tony didn’t do what Steve expected. He didn’t jump out of bed and try to run away or immediately yell at him to leave. Instead he gathered his afghan closer around him and he stayed facing away from him, looking at Bruce.

“What happened?” Tony asked, “what was the situation? Why is he here?”

Steve knew when to keep quiet. He knew he’d done the right thing and that stopping the Soldier was necessary, but still he felt like he was intruding and like he was out of place and yet he couldn’t move. He couldn’t leave the room, or leave Tony. 

“There was an intruder,” Bruce said, “actually I don’t know who or why but Steve stopped him. He – the intruder – blew up the front door. Friday is down. I guess so is all the rest of the security.”

“It was a Super Soldier,” Steve said, “like the ones we saw in Siberia.”

“Shit,” Tony said.

\---

Tony was freaking out. He tried to keep it internal, but he could tell that Bruce understood from the sympathetic look he gave him. Steve was standing just at the door to his room and Tony could only do so much to hide his very huge pregnancy bump. He was almost at the end of his eighth month and he felt enormous and naturally this was the moment when things started to go wrong. It was just his luck. 

Steve lingered at the door and Tony could almost feel how unsure he was. It was different than when he’d come barging in just over a week earlier and demanding to see Tony. He seemed to have a sense of respect for what Tony wanted and Tony found that he no longer hated how Steve would linger outside the house or drive by in his noisy bike nearly every day, not if it meant that it had saved him and Peanut. 

More shocking was the fact that a Super Soldier had come to kill him. There was nothing else to it. The Soldier couldn’t have been after Bruce and there was no other reason for his security measures to fail including Friday unless it had been a planned attack. They hadn’t foreseen Steve. But they had, he realized, known that Vision was gone and that Tony had been left on his own with Bruce. 

What else did they know? What else could Hydra be aware of?

His hand moved over his bump. He hadn’t left the house once since he’d started showing and no one knew where he was, not really. Still, this house had always belonged to him so maybe they’d checked it on a hunch. 

It didn’t mean they knew about Peanut. He could hope they didn’t.

“What do you want me to do?” Bruce asked.

“I – I don’t know,” Tony said, “I don’t know.”

This was not a moment that he’d foreseen. He had never expected this, for a moment to come when Steve might see him or realize the state he was in. 

“I could leave,” Steve said suddenly, “if you don’t want to see me – if that’s what you want, Tony, I can leave. I could take – I can take the Soldier with me to headquarters and figure all of that out. You don’t have to do anything. I can – you shouldn’t have to worry.”

It hurt to hear him and to know he was right there because Tony longed for him. He was still angry and hurt and everything else in between, but it didn’t decrease how much Tony still couldn’t help but love Steve. Loving him would never be the problem. It was everything else. 

Sometimes he wondered if he was doing the right thing, not telling him about the pregnancy and keeping his own child away from him. If adding more lies and secrets on top of everything else was the right thing to do. He didn’t know. He just knew that he hadn’t wanted to see him or hear him or deal with it. It was more accurate so say that he’d pushed Steve out of his mind as much as he could because he just couldn’t deal with it. But the emotions were there just at the surface and Tony didn’t know what to do. 

“I guess that’s a yes,” Steve said. He sounded sad, but resigned. 

Tony looked at Bruce, who had lifted an eyebrow at him. Oh. Of course, Bruce didn’t know the whole of it. He had no idea what Steve meant to him to even suspect that Steve was the father, not unless he’d spoken to Natasha – and Tony knew he hadn’t – because Vision wouldn’t have thought to share those details. 

“I just want to say,” Steve said, “that I do understand why you don’t want to see me. I probably wouldn’t want to see me either, but I am sorry. I am so sorry, Tony, for everything. There’s a lot that I did that I shouldn’t have and I would like it if we could talk this all out because I know we can fix it. I know we can be – well, I can hope that we can be friends again someday. My intention was never to hurt you, but I did. I love you, Tony, that hasn’t changed.”

Tony gasped. It was something. It was certainly more than the letter and Tony had definitely cooled down from his initial reaction to it, but he still didn’t know what to do. 

“Tony?” Bruce asked. 

Things weren’t simple. A simple sorry, or feeling terribly about the situation didn’t change what happened, it didn’t make Tony hurt any less. It didn’t make him forget that when things had gotten tough that Steve had made a choice and he’d decided on Bucky instead of Tony. It didn’t make it easier to accept that Steve had been keeping important information from him. 

“I can’t,” Tony whispered, “I really can’t. Please.”

Bruce’s hand landed on his and he gave it a squeeze before he let go and Tony heard Bruce leading Steve away. It was for the best. Tony didn’t know how he’d react to Tony being pregnant, or to being a father. He didn’t know if he himself could handle telling him. 

“One day, Peanut,” Tony whispered, “one day.”

He sat up after he knew that Bruce had taken Steve downstairs again and he pulled his tablet from the bedside table and just from a quick glance he could see that someone had disabled everything. It was probably some sort of jammer, something to mess with his signals and yet not alert any of them that anything was happening. Friday had been turned off and his tablet had definitely tried to notify him when Friday went offline, but Tony had put everything on silent in an effort to take a relaxing nap. It had been a mistake. Interestingly, it was a mistake on the part of the Soldier as well. Maybe they had underestimated Friday and the protocols Tony had for any and all of his intelligent tech. 

Turning Friday back on was easy, but they’d have to physically find the jammer or whatever other issue their security had outside of the house. Tony would need Bruce for that. Then, he would enforce everything. He would even make the security at the gate better than what he’d left it at. He needed every precaution. Peanut needed it. But first Tony got Friday to reboot and on her own the AI began to access the house and anything found was sent to Tony’s tablet which meant that at least the Wi fi was still fine. But still, he couldn’t manage to get video feed.

“Sorry, Boss,” Friday said, “but I’m still booting everything up again.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Tony said, “not much I can do anyway.”

He didn’t want to admit how much it bothered him that he couldn't get any kind of video feed of what was going on in the first floor with Steve and Bruce even though he didn't really want to see Steve. Tony just knew how hard it would be to even just get a glance of him through a screen, and yet he wanted to see him. Wanted it desperately, not that it wasn't hard to picture Steve. Tony had made a point of memorizing him long ago and it wasn't hard to imagine him or to remember all of their good times. But he knew it was useless to keep dwelling on those things because it could never go back to that. 

So instead, Tony tried to listen.

Sound didn't really carry in the house, but Bruce had left the door open and Tony heard them walking and talking to each other. Then it was just Steve talking and then Bruce was back. 

"Steve's still downstairs," Bruce said, "Shield is on the way to take the Soldier. But Steve says he doesn't want to risk you on your own. I think he's got it in his head that you're not okay. He knows you aren't using the suit and I can't imagine what could have happened if he hadn't been around so I agreed. He thinks it would be best if we had some sort of rotation of the team staying here while Vision is away and I agree.”

“Oh,” Tony said.

“I also think,” Bruce said and he looked nervous as he spoke, “that it’s time you told the rest of them about Peanut.”

Tony shook his head at once. “No, Bruce, I can’t—”

“Tony,” Bruce said, “they’re going to find out at some point whether it be before the baby is born or after, they will find out. You’re not going to be able to hide having a baby and these are our friends despite everything. All this secret keeping, it’s pointless, and it’s only going to hurt you and everyone else again.”

Tony knew Bruce had a point, but Bruce also didn’t know that Steve was the other father, or that it might bring more problems than stopping others from forming and yet, Tony wouldn’t be able to keep it a secret forever. 

“I know you don’t want to do this,” Bruce said, “but, Tony, you’re going to have to at some point and they need all the information if Hydra and Super Soldiers are after you which it seems they are. Think about a situation that might put you and Peanut in danger and what could happen in the moment of shock that one of them might go through at seeing you as you look?”

They were all excellent points but Tony was afraid. It had been easy to tell Bruce and to tell Natasha maybe because he’d known that they would have his back and that they might accept the fact that Tony wouldn’t give them much in the way of answers. The others wouldn’t. They would be accusing and want to know everything. Steve would want to know everything. But he had to do it. There was nothing else. It was for the safety of Peanut and that would always come first. 

“Okay,” he said, “yeah, I think you’re right. As much as it pains me, they have to know. I think – I should probably. I should probably talk to Steve alone.”

“Are you sure?” Bruce asked.

Tony could see his concern. Hell, he was concerned. He didn’t know if it was the right decision or if he could handle being in the same room as Steve without things going wrong, but despite everything he knew that Steve needed to hear it from him. He didn’t deserve to hear it from someone else. 

“There’s a lot that happened while you were gone,” Tony said, “a lot that I haven’t talked about. It would – it would be a lot worse if I didn’t tell him before the others. He needs to know. Maybe more than anyone else.”

Bruce was smart. He picked up on it at once. “You mean—” he said, trailing off. 

Tony nodded. “Don’t tell anyone. I don’t know if I should even tell him.”

Bruce sat down on the couch next to the bed. “What would you want if it was the other way around?”

Tony had thought about it a lot. 

“I mean,” Bruce continued, “if Steve had left for Wakanda pregnant and he didn’t think to tell you? Just think about what your reaction would be when you found out?”

Tony knew his reaction. He would lose all control. He would be so angry that nothing else would matter except getting retribution, as if anger would solve everything. He could picture it, him sitting with his lawyers and trying his hardest at taking away Steve’s custody simply for having kept the pregnancy and the baby from him. Tony knew that Steve wasn’t like that, that he wouldn’t just take Tony’s baby away. No, Steve would be deeply hurt and despite everything Tony couldn’t just hurt him that way.

“Overreaction probably,” Tony said.

It made up his mind. Hiding a pregnancy was easy, but hiding a baby – it might work for a few months and maybe even a year – it wasn’t something he could do forever. The fallout of lying might destroy any hope that things could be fixed and despite everything, Tony wasn’t ready to give up that hope. He was far from ready to forgive, but if there was one thing their “war” had taught him, it was that secrets weren’t worth keeping. 

“Can you send Steve up here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> You can find this and other chapters at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145566277322/cosmic-love-part-six-every-time-i-try-to-bring) where I also don't mind being bothered.


	7. No Dawn, No Day, I'm Always in This Twilight In the Shadow of Your Heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter got quite a response so I'm sure you will all enjoy this one. Thanks to everyone that is still reading, you guys are awesome. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from Florence and the Machine's "Cosmic Love".

Steve had started clean up while keeping an eye on the Soldier just in case. Whoever from Shield that Maria Hill was sending was due to arrive, but Steve wasn’t waiting on them. Instead he was waiting on Sam, Wanda, and Clint. He knew it was breaking Tony’s trust, but even Bruce had agreed that they needed better protection for the time being. Steve couldn’t be sure, but from the way that Bruce agreed so quickly, Steve was more than aware of how much Tony needed protection, he just couldn’t quite figure out why. 

There was a mystery there and Steve needed to know the reason for it. Steve didn’t understand why Tony couldn’t be Iron Man. He assumed it had to do with what had happened during the “war”, but Steve didn’t want to imagine that it had put Tony off his own suit. He couldn’t face that prospect. The point of it was that Tony could not defend himself and Steve was unwilling to leave him without protection. Bruce could only do so much and even Bruce could admit that his control of The Hulk meant he wouldn’t be the best at protecting Tony even if he could probably knock out a Super Soldier. 

The mystery got deeper when Bruce came back from seeing Tony much quicker than Steve had expected.

“Tony wants to see you,” Bruce said.

“Really?” Steve asked.

Bruce nodded. He stepped in front of Steve, looking serious.

“But first,” Bruce said, “I think we should talk.”

Steve gave a short nod and motioned Bruce to speak. He was suddenly nervous in a way that he rarely felt anymore. Any ounce of surety was gone. 

“I want you to go easy on him,” Bruce said, “to understand why and to see it from his perspective which I sort of gather is a hard thing for you to do all things considered. You have a long way to go if your friendship or whatever could ever hope to be what it was, but that’s obvious. Steve, you’re a good man. We all know that. Tony knows that. It’s what makes all of this very difficult. But you have to stop hurting him.”

“I know that,” Steve said, “I do know that. I – we have so much to discuss.”

He did feel it. He felt the weight of the responsibility for how broken things were because so much of it was his fault. 

“Go easy on him,” Bruce said and then nodded towards the stairs. 

Steve took them slowly and he stopped once he was out of sight from Bruce because he wasn’t ready for this. He wanted to see Tony, of course he did, but he hadn’t expected to. He took a deep breath and continued towards the room whose door had been left open. 

Tony was out of bed, his back to Steve, because he was looking out the window. The lights which had been off before were turned on, and Steve could just tell that there was something off about Tony and even about the room. Even though Steve had never seen this room before, he knew how Tony kept his old bedrooms. They had always been neat and tidy and there had always been enough things that just told anyone that walked in that the room belonged to Tony, but they had never quite felt like they were a space where Tony ever spent a lot of time. 

The bed was messy, but then Tony had been sleeping earlier. There was a cozy sofa next to the bed with a foot stool in front of it. The afghan from earlier lay there and on a small table next to it were a pile of books. Steve had never seen Tony read an actual book before. He was all about ebooks and electronic files and webpages but never books. 

One of the bedside tables had Tony’s laptop and a few odds and ends in the form of tools. There also seemed to be a pill bottle sitting among the mess. 

A holographic table was in one corner of the room and while Tony had always had plenty of them all over the tower and all over the compound, they had never been in his bedroom because there had never been the use for it. He wondered why there was one now. 

“Hey,” Steve said, “Bruce said you wanted to see me?” 

“I did,” Tony said, “I do. Um, well, this is a bit awkward but then it couldn’t be anything else. How was Wakanda? I hear the weather is nice.” 

Steve was surprised at the small talk. “It is nice,” Steve said, “very advanced. You should visit sometime. I think you might even appreciate the nature there. It’s beautiful.”

“I’m sure,” Tony said.

Tony was still turned away as if he couldn’t bear to look at Steve. It bothered him but he didn’t want to push Tony, not to mention that he didn’t think he was ready to face Tony himself. So far they had definitely been civil. 

“I have something to tell you,” Tony said, “and it’s big. It’s actually kind of huge – and that works both literally and figuratively even though technically it’ll be quite small.”

He was hedging. Steve could tell he was nervous and that whatever it was that he needed to say that it was important and that he was worried about Steve’s reaction. Steve moved closer on instinct because he had always been tactile with Tony and he just couldn’t help it, not when he could tell that Tony was worried about what he needed to say. He didn’t touch Tony, didn’t think he had the right to, but his hand hovered over Tony’s shoulder for a moment before it dropped away. He heard Tony take a few breaths. 

\---

“Tony,” Steve said, “you can tell me anything.”

Tony wondered if that was true, if anything applied to the situation at hand because he didn’t think it did. He didn’t know what Steve’s reaction would be, but nothing said that it would be good. 

“Can I?” Tony asked in a small voice.

“You can, Tones, you can,” Steve said, “please, whatever it is, it doesn’t matter. We’re doing so good so far.”

They were, but it was all small talk. It was all meaningless and Tony could keep going with this for days. It was easy to talk around the subject and never bring it up. It would be easy for Tony to never turn around and never let Steve see. The problem was that it mattered. Of course it mattered. They couldn’t make light of this. Tony couldn’t make it unimportant or something less than what it was. 

Tony laughed. “It matters quite a lot,” he said, “and I hope you’ll think so too.”

He could tell even without looking at Steve that he was confused, could picture in his mind how he might be frowning or looking puzzled. It was a cute look on him. He shook the thought. That wasn’t important. He was getting side tracked. 

“Okay,” Tony said and he took a deep breath. Maybe if he did it quick it might be less painful, “so I guess I could do it like a band-aid.”

“Go on,” Steve said. 

He took another deep and calming breath. It didn’t help. There was nothing for it. Slowly, Tony turned around. First Steve gasped. Then Tony did. Steve looked – he looked tired. His face filled with the surprise and with shock, but it did nothing to hide that he also looked like a haunted man. He wasn’t sleeping, Tony could tell. Not even with the serum could Steve ignore sleep. It wouldn’t make him collapse from exhaustion, but it did mean he looked noticeably tired. He was also a bit beat up courtesy of the Soldier that had come to visit. There was dried blood at his temple and his lip was split. A faint bruise was on his cheek. 

Steve’s gaze was stuck on his bump, wide and unsure, but mostly concerned. Tony couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but at least he wasn’t running and he wasn’t yelling. It was better than he’d expected. So Tony moved closer and carefully he took Steve’s hand, but Steve barely even noticed. Tony placed the hand right over where Peanut had begun to kick as if he or she recognized the importance of the moment. Tony kept his hand pressed over Steve’s as Steve’s mouth opened and his eyebrows shot up.

“What—” Steve began, his voice a whisper.

“I’m pregnant,” Tony offered.

“You’re pregnant,” Steve said and he finally looked away from the bump to look at Tony’s face before his gaze fell again.

“Yes,” Tony said, “pregnant.”

“But – but how. You’re – what—”

Tony smiled at him, “the usual way,” he said, “you do know where babies come from, don’t you?”

It was easy to fall back on jokes when everything about him was tense. He was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for Steve to flip out, but instead Steve was taking it all in and his other hand had joined in touching Tony’s belly. 

“Tony, I would know better than anyone if you were a woman,” Steve said eventually and Tony could tell the shock was wearing off a bit. 

Steve dropped his hands from touching Tony, and he balled them into fists as if to restrain himself from reaching out. Tony wouldn’t have minded, but he didn’t want to say that. He couldn’t let himself just allow Steve in again. It was one thing to tell him, to even want some level of participation from Steve, but that was all there could be. 

“I need to sit,” Tony said, “I’m on bed rest.”

Steve moved out of his way and Tony climbed back into bed. It was a bit harder now that he was almost nine months. Everything had become harder. 

“So how really?” Steve asked, “I mean, I’ve missed a lot, but I think even I would know if men could get pregnant.”

Tony moved to sit against his pillows, but they weren’t in a good position for his back. Steve moved without saying anything and he looked unsure as he grabbed Tony’s pillow and fixed it behind him.

“Thank you,” Tony muttered, “you can sit, you know.”

Steve sat down at the foot of the bed, looking a bit stiff and awkward. 

“Do you remember,” Tony said, “about Extremis?”

“I do,” Steve said, “you used it to remove the – the reactor.”

The word seemed to come from Steve with great strain, as if it pained him to say it. It hurt Tony too, to think about how mangled his suit’s reactor had been after it was crushed by the shield. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered, “oh, Tony, I’m so sorry.”

Tony lifted his hand to stop him. “No,” he said, “I don’t – we’re not talking about that, not now.”

This was about Peanut and the pregnancy and nothing more. Steve couldn’t bring any of that up. Tony wasn’t ready. He couldn’t handle it. He didn’t even want to think about it. 

“Okay,” Steve said, “but I am sorry. You have to know at least that.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix things,” Tony snapped.

Absently his hands rubbed over his bump and he stared at them as they moved in order to avoid looking at Steve. Maybe it was all a mistake. Maybe it was enough for Steve to know that Tony was pregnant. He didn’t need to know he was a father on top of that. Tony couldn’t – he couldn’t handle that. 

Steve’s hand touched his ankle and there was hesitation to his touch. “Tell me,” he said gently, “tell me what happened with extremis.”

“Well,” Tony said after he’d closed his eyes so he could pretend that it wasn’t Steve he was telling the story to, “I almost died during surgery. There was a complication. Anyway, this woman, Lady something or other – I never caught a name – she rushes in and according to Pepper did something to me. It saved me. It also made me able to carry a baby. So here I am.”

“And this is why you haven’t been Iron Man or been out in the public,” Steve said, “is it why Hydra’s after you?”

“Yes, yes, and I don’t know,” Tony said, “you know more about the super soldiers than I do, after all.”

He could feel Steve’s eyes on him, boring into him, but Tony couldn’t make himself look up again. 

“I didn’t want any of you to know,” Tony said, “but since you’re intent on protecting me and I would do anything to protect Peanut, well, you have to know. So now, you know, you have all the relevant information.”

“Tony, I—”

Tony shook his head and finally looked up. “I just – I wanted to tell you in person. I wanted to tell you first,” Tony said, “that’s all. And now I need to be alone.”

Steve didn’t say anything. He didn’t even try to stay. Instead he stood up and moved to the door. It was only there that he stopped and Tony saw him look back at him just one last time before he left and Tony began to cry. 

“Damn hormones,” he muttered.

\---

It wasn’t until Steve had made it back downstairs that he realized that Tony hadn’t told him who the other father was, if there was one at all. Tony had hinted that the baby had been created in the “usual way” but nothing more. Steve’s heart sank down into his stomach and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. Tony was pregnant. He was having a baby. Steve didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know if Tony wanted him to tell the rest of the team, or if he’d do it himself and he couldn’t even let his mind wrap around it. 

Tony was going to be a dad. He was going to raise a child. 

“Steve?” Bruce asked.

Steve looked up. 

“Are you okay?”

He didn’t know. He had no idea. His world was turning and changing and he didn’t know what to think. Steve was lost. It was worse than anything that had ever happened before because even though everything had been civil, the undercurrent of distrust had thrummed through every word and every movement. 

Steve could feel the baby’s kicks under his hands still, could remember how it had felt to touch Tony again even if it had been nothing like it had ever been before. Tony had looked good all big and round and perfect. He had looked perfect, his face just a bit rounder and his whole body soft in a way that he’d never been. Steve would never not be attracted to Tony, but he didn’t know what about this version of Tony made him want to just ravish the other man. 

The sound of a car brought Steve out of it and he looked towards Bruce who was still staring at him. 

“It’s a lot to take in,” he settled on. 

“I know,” Bruce said, “when I first saw him again I was so surprised but he’s happy about it, you know, he’s been so great about everything pertaining to Peanut. That baby is going to be really loved.”

Steve would never have expected anything less.

Outside he heard voices and then Coulson appeared followed by a few other members of his team. Steve had never met them before, but he was glad to see them. 

“Captain,” Coulson said, “it’s good to see you. We were wondering when you might return.”

“Hasn’t been long,” Steve said. 

One of Coulson’s people spoke quickly to Bruce and then rushed upstairs without saying anything to Steve. 

“Tony’s doctor,” Bruce said to Steve in way of explanation. 

“Oh,” Steve said.

Before anyone else could say anything, Sam followed by Wanda and Clint entered, all three looking a bit wary at the destruction that had been left at the entrance to the mansion.

“Stark always knows how to live well, I’ll give him that,” Clint said, “nice digs he has here.” 

“Where is Tony, anyway,” Sam said as he walked, nodding at Coulson’s agents to where Steve stood. 

“Simmons is checking on him,” one of the agents said and when they all looked at him he extended his hand out to each of them, “you can call me Fitz.” 

“We have containment ready,” another agent told Coulson and between a couple of them, they took the Soldier out. 

Steve and the others followed. They loaded the Soldier into what must have been a cell and after they were done, it flew up and when Steve looked up, sure enough there was nothing there but he could recognize the cloaking. 

“We’ll be taking him back to our base to be safe,” Coulson said, “Hill is on her way to deal with it personally.”

Coulson’s team didn’t stick around long, just long enough for the agent that had gone to look at Tony to rejoin them. Steve could tell that they had a lot more going on than they were willing to share but he was happy for the Soldier to go with them and not be a worry for them. His only concern was that there could be others. 

“What happened,” Sam asked while Wanda helped Bruce with the clean up, but Steve could tell that she was listening. 

Steve had barely filled them in on the phone, mostly because he hadn’t felt comfortable telling them anything even over a secure line. 

“I was driving past the house when I saw an intruder. Turned out it was a Super Soldier. We fought and Bruce managed to shoot him with a tranquilizer. We think he was coming for Tony. We don’t know why,” Steve told them, “so Fury and I agreed that for the time being Tony needs more protection.” 

“And despite everything, we just jump to his aid, then, wonderful,” Clint said. 

Steve almost wished he had asked for Clint to stay behind. He had calmed down a bit more, now that he’d been in contact with his family, but it didn’t mean he stopped blaming Tony. Steve wished that he blamed him instead. He really shouldn’t have called Clint asking for help. 

“That’s what the Avengers are for,” Bruce said, “but if you’re unwilling to help your retirement is still available to you considering how you seem to just jump back and forth.”

Sam winced. Clint pursed his lips and didn’t say anything. 

“And why can’t Tony protect himself,” Wanda said, “he is Iron Man, after all.”

Sam looked at Steve and even Clint looked interested. Steve didn’t know what to say. Tony hadn’t told him to tell the team, and he hadn’t implied that he wanted them to know, but they would need to. 

Luckily, he didn’t have to answer, because he spotted Tony on the stairs. Steve wanted to rush over and help him walk because he was slow and his hands didn’t let go of the banister. Bruce beat him to it, and they all turned to look at him. 

Clint let out a whistle. Wanda gasped. Sam was silent beside him. 

“Okay,” Tony said, “get all the jokes out, go on. Yes, I’m pregnant. Yes, I am a man. Yes, I am unique.” 

“How is this possible,” Wanda whispered.

Tony’s head turned in her direction. “You, young lady, will stay out of my mind.”

“I wouldn’t—” Wanda said.

Tony fixed her with a look. 

Bruce took Tony to the couch and he dropped on it gently. All his movements were slow and careful. 

“So as you can see,” Tony said, “I couldn’t fit into my armor even if I had any. So, poor pregnant old me will have to take your help. How’s that for ironic.” 

Tony didn’t even look at Steve. He looked everywhere but at him, but Steve couldn’t tear his eyes away. There were so many questions and so many things that Steve wanted to know and yet he couldn’t ask. He had no right to any answer that Tony might have. At his side he felt Sam nudge him and Steve looked at him. 

His friend was worried, he could tell, but it wasn’t the time to talk about it. 

“So what is this then, more Asgardian voodoo? Did Loki do this to you, Tones?” Clint asked, “or was this punishment for your misdeeds?” 

“Clint,” Wanda hissed, “enough.”

“It doesn’t matter how,” Tony said, “it matters if you’re willing to protect me and my child, Barton, because I am clearly already a better father. I can see beyond my own pride and ask for your help to protect my child. When was the last time you saw one of your kids?”

It was a low blow, but to Steve’s surprise Clint didn’t respond. All he did was walk away. When Steve looked at Tony, he could tell that Tony regretted his words, but it didn’t mean he’d take them back. 

“But how did this happen?” Sam asked a few moments later, “I mean, this isn’t biologically possible.”

“Magic and science,” Tony said with a shrug, “I couldn’t imagine what Thor would have to say about all of this considering his stance on magic and science being the same thing. The point is, I am a man that can carry his own offspring. Needless to say, this is a secret that can’t get out.”

Sam nodded and Steve could tell that he was piecing things together. It all made sense. Tony hadn’t been directly involved in the interactions with the UN because he was pregnant, and he had become a hermit because he was pregnant. He’d wanted them to believe he was in California because he was pregnant. 

The last one stung. It made Steve wonder if Tony would have even thought to tell them if the Soldier hadn’t attacked. Steve could almost guarantee that the answer was no. 

“Anyway,” Tony said, “I think Peanut needs some food.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when the next chapter will be up but I'm leaning towards Thursday.
> 
> this chapter and others can be found [on my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/145713741687/cosmic-love-part-seven-no-dawn-no-day-im) where I also don't mind being bothered.


	8. Sometimes It Seems That The Going Is Just Too Rough And Things Go Wrong No Matter What I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic still has the most amazing readers. Thank you so much. This chapter was a lot of fun to write for me mostly because it got to a point that I've wanted to write for a while. So enjoy. 
> 
> I've also projected how long this fic will be at least at the moment, but that is subject to change depending on any last minute changes in my narrative. (Could be less chapters...could be more).
> 
> chapter title comes from "You've Got The Love" which I actually saw Florence and the Machine perform last night which was spectacular.

In the end, it was easier to just move into the mansion rather than taking shifts coming and going. Steve hadn’t been opposed to it, but he’d let Tony make the decision instead of making it for him. So, they’d all gone to get some of their things and taken guest rooms in Tony’s mansion. It was a temporary arrangement until Natasha and Vision could return. A few days into it, Steve realized that it would work. 

Tony didn’t leave his bedroom for long periods of time, and even Clint had shut up about it once they told him Tony was on bed rest. Actually, seeing Tony again had changed Clint a bit and Steve didn’t know if it was because Tony was pregnant or something else entirely, but it was as if he had turned over a new leaf. 

He often found Sam, Wanda, and Clint in the den just watching TV or playing video games when they weren’t taking a quick patrol around the house or checking that all of the reinstated security was up and running. Steve joined them sometimes, but mostly he wandered around the house. That was how he found the nursery. 

The room was beautiful. The walls were all turquoise with white accents and Tony already had everything he might need for when the baby came. The room looked like something out of a magazine, but Steve shouldn’t have expected anything less. There was even a wooden rocking chair and Steve sat down in it. He could picture Tony there, holding his baby, and doing everything perfectly because the amount of research that would go into child rearing would be able to rival any other topic that Tony found interesting. 

Steve still didn’t know who the father was, and he didn’t think it was his place to ask. The question burned at his mind though, and he knew the others talked about it all the time too. Steve couldn’t be sure if Bruce knew, but he never said anything.

It had taken a few days for Steve to really think about it, and to process what it meant that Tony was pregnant. It meant that Tony had moved on, that he hadn’t seen a road back to what they had before the “war”. It hurt to come to that realization, and to think about Tony with someone else, but there had to have been someone else even if that person meant nothing to Tony. It spoke volumes that whoever the father was, they weren’t there with Tony, and yet it didn’t do much to give Steve hope. 

He picked up a small teddy bear that had been left on a table next to the rocking chair. He wondered what the baby would look like. If he or she would take after Tony with dark hair and brown eyes or if there would be a hint of someone else there – a reminder that the baby wasn’t just Tony’s but someone else’s too. 

Steve tried not to dwell on it. He tried not to let his thoughts always wander back to that. It was harder than anything. 

He was so lost in thought he didn’t even hear someone enter the room until they spoke. 

“Steve, what are you doing here?” Pepper asked. 

She was holding a shopping back, looking as prim as ever. 

“I thought Tony told you we were staying here for a bit to protect him,” Steve said, jumping to his feet.

Pepper nodded tersely. “No,” she said, “I know that. What are you doing in this room?”

Steve looked around again. “Found it on accident,” he said and moved towards the door, “I guess I should go patrol or something.”

“Yes,” Pepper said.

Pepper had always treated Steve with warmth. She had always been polite and friendly even after she learned that he and Tony were together. It was still a bit shocking to Steve that she could also be completely cold. Steve didn’t blame her. 

Steve wandered through a few halls until he heard voices and he stopped in his tracks. 

“How far along is he again,” Sam said, “I have no experience with this so I can’t tell. It’s rude to ask, right?”

“What are you looking at me for?” Wanda asked, “I’ve never been pregnant.”

“But you’re a woman. Can’t you tell?”

“For one thing, he’s a guy, and for another no. I wasn’t just born with that knowledge.”

“I can’t tell for sure,” Clint said, “but he has to be at least eight months. He’s huge, so unless he’s having twins, he’s really far along.”

“So he could pop at any moment,” Sam said, “wow, how do you think he’s going to – I mean, he doesn’t have the parts for that right – ugh, I’m grossing myself out.”

Wanda laughed. 

“C-section,” Clint said, “and it’ll have to be Bruce or that agent doing the delivery.”

Steve leaned against the wall. Eight months. Steve hadn’t thought about it. He hadn’t actually taken the time to think about how far along in his pregnancy Tony was. After all, Steve had no knowledge of pregnancy. He hadn’t expected to ever need it and it had felt weird to ask Friday to give him more information about it. But he knew the basics and he could do the math. And unless Tony had cheated on him or he’d gone and slept with someone immediately after the “war” then, then Steve could be the father. 

It hit him like a punch to the gut. He might be the other father. Tony didn’t want him to know. 

“Oh,” Steve whispered.

He slid down the wall, and his face fell into his hands. Everything was so screwed up. 

\----

**Nine Months Along**

Pepper kissed his cheek and her hands immediately went to the bump. 

“Hello, darling,” she said to Peanut, “oh, but you’re growing so much and you’ll be joining us soon. I cannot wait. I don’t think your dad can either.” 

Tony smiled at Pepper and let himself relax against his body pillow while Pepper took a moment to just press a few kisses to his bump. It would have been easy to fall back into what he and Pepper had, easy to love her and maybe even be in love with her. Sometimes, Tony wished that things could be as simple as it had been back then when Tony had been enthralled by the amazing woman that Pepper Potts was.

When she was done, she stared at him and then settled herself in a more comfortable position sitting facing him on the bed. 

“How are you?” Pepper asked, “I ran into Rogers on my way up here. He was in the nursery. I don’t feel comfortable with him here with you after—”

Tony reached over and grabbed her hand. “Pep, it’s fine. It’s fine that they’re here. You know, pregnancy can give a man perspective.”

“I’m sure that applies to many men,” Pepper said with a good natured roll of her eyes. 

“No, listen, I know it’s not ideal, but I keep thinking about how if he hadn’t been outside the house I might be dead or worse it could have been Peanut. He saved me. He saved us.”

“Bruce was right down stairs,” Pepper said, “he would have helped. He is The Hulk, after all.”

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “Maybe. Thing is, we don’t know that Bruce would have heard before it was too late and we’re not dwelling on the past. Things are what they are. They’re here to stay for now.”

Pepper nodded. “Okay,” she said, “if you’re fine with it.”

He knew she was protective and even more fiercely now that it wasn’t just him. He loved her for it, but he couldn’t handle her anger and his own and he was glad that she was there to remind him that he couldn’t just budge. 

“I am,” Tony said, “and like I told you, he took it well the pregnancy.”

“That’s good. He doesn’t know he’s the father though, does he?” She asked.

If it had been up to Pepper, Tony wouldn’t have said anything. She was already working on a way to spin the story on the baby. At first they had thought to say that Tony was adopting, but even to them it sounded a bit farfetched, so instead they were going with the mother dying at childbirth and the baby being a result of a one-night stand. Tony taking responsibility of a child would shock some people, but others would be taken in by the story. If Pepper wanted, she could have spun the story for the Avengers too – Tony’s old reputation rearing its head again. He knew that they were discussing it amongst themselves. He dreaded the moment when they might realize that Steve had a chance of being the father.

“He’s going to find out,” Tony said, “and I wanted to tell him, I did, but I really couldn’t.”

“I know,” Pepper said.

She moved to sit next to him and Tony dropped his face on her shoulder. 

“Friday, put whatever he hasn’t finished watching on,” Pepper said.

The movie that Tony had fallen asleep watching the night before started somewhere in the middle and for a while Tony let himself get lost to what was happening on screen. It was easier to have a distraction, but it didn’t mean that his mind was ever fully distracted. There was so much to think about and to consider. 

“You know, Wanda signed the accords,” Tony said after a while, “she told me yesterday. Before he left Vision said that he’d been speaking with her – that it was only logical to clear the air. I think he helped change her mind, I don’t know, but she signed them.”

“That’s good,” Pepper said, “really good. What about the others?”

Tony shrugged. “I don’t know.”

They kept watching the movie in silence until Pepper’s phone rang and she got up from the bed to take the call. Tony watched her as she paced out in the hallway for a while before returning. 

“That was Coulson,” Pepper said, “I think he thought it was better to contact me since it’s SI property, they want to know about BARF, said it might be useful in getting answers from the Soldier. They have a similar machine but one of his people saw your presentation at MIT and thought it might be useful.”

The last time Tony had used BARF was before everything went downhill. He’d created it in part to help him get past his own traumas and his own issues and there had been so many moments to revisit from being in the cave to the moment when Tony took the missile through the wormhole. It was still a patent, and Tony knew Pepper had started trying to get it approved for public use, but there were hoops to jump through when it came to medical related tech. 

“I don’t know that it will help,” Tony said, “do they know what it’s for? It’s not like a machine to view memories or recall things. Send Coulson the information on BARF and let him decide for himself. If he wants to use it, give it to him.”

Pepper nodded. “I guess that means I have some work to do, then,” she said, “this was only supposed to be a quick visit anyway.”

“That is always the case,” Tony said, “it’s why you make a better CEO. My dad’s office is becoming more yours than it was ever mine.”

She kissed his cheek before she left. 

It didn’t take Tony long to pull out his tablet and rest it on his bump while he lay on the bed. He wondered about modifications that could be made to BARF. It worked by extracting traumatic memories and allowing the user to not only experience them again in hologram form but to interact and come to terms with the events. The program hadn’t been too simple to create, but using it required a lot of hard work and a willingness to get to the traumatic memories. He couldn’t understand how it would help to uncover anything, but he was sure Coulson or his people were aware of how BARF worked. 

Tony had been jotting down ideas into his tablet when Peter suddenly appeared at the door carrying a whole apple pie. 

“Woah, kid, what do you think I’m pregnant or something,” Tony said.

Peter laughed. “Aunt May made it,” he said, “as a thank you for taking me under your wing. I did tell her it wasn’t necessary, but I think she feels guilty for not being around all the time but I’m glad because I can be around here, of course, but she doesn’t need to know that. I think she thinks I’m probably underfoot or something.”

“Well, come on, then, let’s enjoy this pie,” Tony said, “no use teasing me. My nose is excellent at the moment.” 

Peter grinned and he settled the pie on the bed before handing Tony a fork and climbing in next to him.

“Let’s get back to the good Doctor, then, Pete?” Tony asked.

“Oh, yes, let’s,” Peter said.

“And tell your Aunt she’s an excellent baker for me,” Tony said after just the first bite of the pie, “she and Vision should get together.”

Peter snorted. “Yeah, I can definitely picture how that would go.”

\---

Steve got up from the floor only when he heard footsteps coming in his direction, and he quickly slipped into the bathroom a few doors down. He stumbled inside and he caught himself by the sink and let his arms hold his weight for a moment. His eyes met his own on the mirror and noted the dried tear tracks. Steve had been through a lot, and still it felt like time stopped and he was left there on his own to deal with his whole world changing.

Tony had kept it from him. He’d just decided that Steve didn’t get to know, that he didn’t deserve to know. 

His breathing came quick and his hands shook where they held onto the counter surrounding the sink and Steve only just manage to keep himself from crushing the counter. 

Tony was carrying his baby. He was pregnant with his baby. He didn’t want Steve to know. How long had he hoped to keep it secret, or did he have some sort of plan. Maybe he wasn’t sure and oh, that was worse. That was so much worse. 

Steve let go of the counter. He opened the tap and cupped his hands under the water, splashing his face with it. It helped to clear his head. He took a moment to take a few breaths remembering nights when he would help Tony through a panic attacks after the whole thing with AIM. 

After he’d calmed down a bit, Steve tried to figure out what his next step would be. It would be far too easy to just rush into Tony’s room and demand answers and yet he didn’t want to. He didn’t want to fly off the handle or to even see anyone. It was all too much. 

So, instead, he sneaked out of the house and no one would realize he was gone for a while because Steve didn’t even bother to take his bike. Instead he walked. He walked to the gates and then out and he just kept walking. 

He and Tony had never spoken about children. Steve had always known even from when he was young that a family would be out of the question for him because of how sick he always was. Then, there have been Peggy. Steve could have loved her. He knew that, he knew he could have done right with her and they could have had a family. But of course the war had made thoughts of the future nearly impossible. Then, he was crashing the plane and any thought towards that had to be non-existent. He’d woken up in a new world. Captain America had become his identity in a way that it hadn’t been in the past. 

To even fall in love had seemed impossible until it happened and it could have only been Tony. Steve could remember how Natasha pulled and pushed at him to date. It would have never been the same. He was an Avenger. He was a hero. Steve had convinced himself there was little place for it. Of course, he had also never expected for Tony to fall for him – for Tony to even be interested. 

They had gone to Clint’s farm and found a secret family. Steve had known walking in that it was a different world and one that he could never hope to have. The world needed him too much and he would never be able to make the choice to settle down like that and nor did he want to. 

He and Tony had shared a room that night. 

“I still can’t believe Barton had a secret family and not even Jarvis managed to get info on. It’s kind of fantastic. Do you think maybe Nat has one too?” Tony said while discarding his clothes without care for Steve being in the room.

“I don’t think she does, no,” Steve said, “but she and Bruce seem to be something.”

Steve sat on the bed with his back to Tony as he took off his uniform and tried not to think about how sharing the bed would work.

“Yeah, I kind of get that vibe. Bit weird, I think, but whatever floats her boat,” Tony said and Steve heard him get in the bed, “turn off the lights when you’re ready.”

Steve finished undressing and then got up to turn off the lights. He got into the bed slowly and heard Tony laugh. 

“Cap, we’re the best of buds, come in, in you go,” Tony said and then, “I never thought any of us Avengers would have kids. I like kids, I guess, when they’re not annoying or whiny or any of those things. But I could never – I wouldn’t want to be a father – have the responsibility of not messing up a person and all that jazz. Pepper is so career oriented, it’s great, she’s not the mothering kind.” 

“It’s good you’ve found each other,” Steve said.

“And see, here’s the thing,” Tony said, “our line of work, it has to be like Barton and his secret family. There’s no other way. I’d want the world to no longer need us, to be better than what it is to bring another person into it. We’re targets. It wouldn’t be fair to them.”

Slowly the topics had changed. It had been easy to forget that they were arguing over Tony’s creation just hours earlier, or that they were all tense and worried and angry. 

Looking back, Steve didn’t know if Tony had just not wanted to admit that he did want kids. He had to wonder about it. Tony was happy to be pregnant, he was so protective and loving of the baby. Of Peanut, as Tony had nicknamed him or her. And Steve knew, he knew that Tony would undoubtedly be a good father. But it was still a shock. To know that he had fathered Tony’s baby made it even harder. Steve couldn’t be a dad. He couldn’t be the kind of father that the baby deserved, not when at every turn he screwed up. It was no wonder Tony didn’t want him to know, that Tony had wanted to keep even the pregnancy secret from him. 

Steve arrived at the compound. He was surprised to get there, but he continued inside and headed for his and Tony’s room. It was still the same. 

Steve had barely known his own father, it had mostly been stories from his mom and they had never been enough fill a void of not really having that second parent around. Steve wondered if it would have changed him at all or made him a different person but there was just no way to know. 

It would be different for his and Tony’s baby because he would already have one dad. Maybe one more wouldn’t be necessary. Maybe it would be enough for it to just be Tony. 

It hurt to consider that. 

At some point he sat down on the ground at the foot of the bed and stared up at the dark ceiling until realization hit. If the baby was his – Steve rushed to his feet and he ran for the bathroom. His knees hit the tile hard as he threw up into the toilet. He gagged after he was done, as if more would come out, but there was nothing. 

He had almost killed the baby. 

If Steve was the father – and there was almost no if – then he had almost killed Peanut. 

Steve leaned over the toilet again as if he were about to be sick, but there was nothing to throw up. Instead, he began to sob. 

It had been bad enough when Steve had fought Tony and he’d had to bring the shield down on the reactor, but what if his hands had slipped and he’d hit lower. He didn’t even want to think about it. It hadn’t been just Siberia either. Tony hadn’t had his suit when Bucky was activated into The Winter Soldier, just that watch, and T’Challa had told him all about that while they were in Wakanda. And it was all his fault. His baby could have died – a tiny innocent creature that was half him and half Tony could have died. 

Steve pulled back from the toilet and pressed his face to his knees and the tears just kept coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aiming for Tuesday for the next chapter. 
> 
> You can also find this and other chapters at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/146020057147/cosmic-love-part-eight-sometimes-it-seems-that) where I also don't mind being bothered.


	9. The Monument Of A Memory You Tear It Down In Your Head Don't Make The Mountain Your Enemy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading. You guys are pretty amazing. Hope you like this one. 
> 
> The title for this chapter comes from Florence and the Machine's "Various Storms and Saints"

Steve didn’t go back to the mansion for almost three days. He spoke to no one for the first and spent it wallowing on the floor of his and Tony’s bedroom at the compound. Steve hadn’t even had the energy to go to the gym and punch through a few bags. On the second day Friday announced that Sam was calling him and Steve couldn’t not pick up because anything could have happened and nothing could make Steve worry less about Tony. Tony and the baby, he reminded himself. 

“Hey, Cap,” Sam said, “anything happen? You took off without a word to anyone. Coming back any time soon?”

“I’m fine, Sam, just needed some time to myself. How’s everything over there?”

He didn’t dare to ask about Tony. 

“No changes,” Sam said, “just wanted to make sure you’re alright. We, um, we got word from Nat. She and Vision should be getting back tomorrow so we’re having a little meeting over here. Figured you’d want to know if you weren’t back by then.”

“Oh, yes, thanks. I’ll be there,” Steve said, “talk to you then, Sam.”

After that, Steve went back to wallowing. If he had been able to get drunk, he was sure he would have tried that. Instead, he did nothing but think back to how everything had gone wrong, and still he knew that nothing could have been different. After a while wallowing became boring and as he walked past the kitchen not even remotely interested in getting something to eat, Steve found himself in the den. He dropped into an armchair and felt something under him. He pulled it out and was surprised to find it was the final version of the Accords. 

Steve was almost done reading them. He wanted to read every paragraph and get a look at every line. 

“Might as well finish reading this, then,” he said out loud and he tried to find where he left off. 

Steve didn’t know for sure what had been in the original version, though he knew he would have read it if given enough time. Ross’ three day warning had not been enough. Still, even he could recognize that a lot of it had been completely rewritten and changed. 

It was what Wanda said, what Tony wanted. It was still restricting. It was still a small way in which they could be controlled and yet Steve could see that it didn’t take away their freedoms and that in some ways it made sure that things would be easier. 

Steve remembered when Tony had started his fleet of Iron Patriots. He remembered the hope they’d all had that they would help to save lives via warning and by just being present. Steve had loved the idea and yet he had seen what happened to them time and again. People had hated them, they’d been afraid of them. They had destroyed them. 

There was a whole section within the Accords about right to trial and more importantly the steps that would be taken before it even got to the point of a decision in front of a judge. 

But the agreement was more than just a way to hold them accountable, a way to decide whether their actions could be considered wrong. No, it also made the countries that signed it become responsible for collateral damage because they were choosing to have the Avengers or other heroes enter their countries to help them. There was a judgment scale of course when it came to loss of life, but even he could see the point of it. 

What Steve hated was the idea that any of those countries could refuse their help and that the UN couldn’t sanctify them entering ones that hadn’t signed the accords either. It bothered him. He knew that a moment would come when someone like Loki – or even Loki himself – would use the Accords against them. They were not fool proof. They were loose restrains that could be a catalyst to something horrible happening. 

For lack of something better to do, Steve read the entire thing again, but this time he wrote in the margins and highlighted things. By the time it was morning, his eyes were blood shot, and he was sure that he knew the whole book backwards and forwards. 

He allowed himself a nap in his and Tony’s bed for a few hours – and his exhaustion actually let him sleep. When he woke up, it was to take a shower and gather his things for the walk back to the mansion. 

Steve had calmed down a bit, let himself get distracted by the Accords enough that he didn’t have to think about Tony or how he was carrying his baby, but as he walked back to the mansion, he couldn’t help but go back to it. 

The baby was his. He and Tony were having a baby. 

It hadn’t settled in his mind, as if it wasn’t fully true yet until Tony could confirm it. He wondered if Tony would deny it, if he would go as far as to sully what they’d had by telling Steve that he cheated. 

Natasha opened the door when he knocked, looking as if she had just arrived herself. 

“You don’t look too good,” she said as she let him in, “everything okay?”

“No,” Steve said, “I don’t know.”

She pat his arm and led him towards the dining room where a few of the others had already sat down. Steve searched for Tony but didn’t find him. Instead, his eyes fell on Fury sitting with Hill and Coulson. So, it was an important meeting then. 

Wanda entered with Vision at her heels, but she looked sullen and Vision pensive. Sam clapped a hand on Steve’s back and steered him towards a chair. 

“You alright, man?”

“Sure,” Steve said, “I’m fine.”

He could tell that Sam didn’t believe him. 

Clint wandered in after a while and T’Challa followed him. Tony entered last with Bruce. At one end of the table the chair had been replaced by one of the couches from the den and it was there that Tony said, propping his feet up and looking the picture of a tired and pregnant person. 

Not even when Steve had seen him after a four day bender had Tony looked as tired. Still, he was the most beautiful person that Steve had ever seen. 

“So,” Tony said, “this must be important if we drag pregnant little old me from my bed.”

“It is,” Fury said, “and we told you, you didn’t have to come down.”

Tony nodded. “While me over video would have been fun, I don’t see enough people as it is. I’m a social person, you know.”

“We know,” Hill muttered. 

“Now that everyone is here,” Fury said, “I think we should get to it.”

Steve hadn’t expected for them to be so open about everything, but then maybe they had realized the same thing that Steve had: that secrets were never good. 

“For those that don’t know,” Hill said, “we sent Agent Romanov, Vision, and King T’Challa on a small mission. Zemo while being interrogated told us a little about his involvement in what happened with James Barnes and his plan to pull everyone in the Avengers apart. Part of his questioning brought us information about frozen soldiers that Hydra had been keeping in Siberia.”

“Super Soldiers,” Sam said, “like Steve? Like the one that tried to come after Tony?”

He looked towards Steve as if for confirmation and Steve nodded. 

“We saw them ourselves,” Tony said, “Zemo killed all of them, or so we thought.”

“Some agents found another Hydra base where they found another soldier. They killed him. This was before Stark was attacked. We had been planning even before the attack to look into the situation but that expedited matters,” Coulson said, “we haven’t found more. Zemo made it clear that the amount of serum that had been recovered wasn’t a lot but it was clearly an almost perfect reconstruction – if not exactly – of what was used to create Cap. Someone figured out how to do it.”

“Howard,” Tony said, “or someone on his payroll. He always was obsessed with finding Captain America.”

Tony’s eyes met Steve’s for a second before he looked away. Tony had always treated it like such a joke, that Howard had been more interested in finding him than in being a father, but Steve knew how much it had hurt him. 

“By that point he had almost given up,” Tony said, “I remember – well I was away at school a lot – but mom told me he’d stopped going on the expeditions as much, that they weren’t as frequent. She was happy he was home more. At least they had that. He must have been working on the serum. I wonder if she knew.”

Steve couldn’t look away from Tony. He looked sad and melancholy in a way that he rarely allowed anyone to see. Whenever the topic of his father had come up before at Avengers meetings he had always been so quick to change the subject after giving out the smallest bit of relevant information. It had always been such a touchy subject for so many reasons. 

“Well,” Natasha said, “we found a couple of facilities with the tech necessary. One was completely destroyed – someone had gone through the trouble of breaking any of the tech there. The other one had the one empty cryo-tank. We think that’s where the Soldier in custody came from. We couldn’t find any others but that doesn’t mean there are more out there. The only person that can answer that is Bucky and even he may not have all the information.”

Steve knew she was right. Bucky might be the only one that knew more about the Soldiers than what they already knew. 

“We did come to the conclusion that it is likely there are no more Soldiers,” Vision said. 

“Does that mean that Stark – Howard – that he didn’t create more super serum? Someone steals what he has and he doesn’t get Shield involved in retrieving it and doesn’t continue trying to make more?” Clint asked.

“Well,” Tony said, and his voice was hard, “considering that when The Winter Soldier took the serum he murdered my mom and dad, no, he couldn’t keep working on it or alert Shield. That was a nice thing to find out in Siberia, that my parents were murdered.”

Steve’s heart broke looking at how much composure Tony tried to keep and he felt Sam pinch his arm to catch his attention.

“What does he mean he found out in Siberia?” Sam asked.

From across the table Natasha was looking at Steve as well. Her eyes were hard and her lips were pressed into a hard line. 

\----

 

It was bringing everything back. All the talk about the Soldiers and the serum and his father was too much. Tony felt it like a noose around his neck, the video of The Winter Soldier killing first Howard and then his mom was in a never ending loop and Tony could do nothing to stop it. They had been murdered. After Clint’s question and his answer they all fell silent. 

Wanda had covered her mouth, she looked stricken, and Tony could tell that she hadn’t suspected that. Clint stared at him but didn’t seem to have words. Tony was interested in Fury’s reaction. He looked a bit taken aback, but was recovering quickly and Tony wanted to demand an answer from him. He wanted to know how much Fury had known about their deaths. 

“It is a hard thing to get over a parent’s death,” T’Challa said breaking the silence, “especially when it is not a natural death.”

“Thank you,” Tony muttered and he let out a breath as he felt something like pressure down by his abdomen. 

He hadn’t looked towards Steve, but he did then. Natasha was staring him down and Sam said something in a whisper to him and then stood up and Tony was surprised when he walked over to him. 

“Tony, I am so sorry you had to find out that way,” he said, “when Steve, Nat, and I found out, well, I didn’t know you. I thought – well, I assumed – Steve had filled you. You guys were always so close.”

“It’s not your fault, Sam, but thank you,” Tony said. He stretched his arms up to get rid of the cramping at his lower back. 

Sam went back to sit down, turned away from Steve. 

Natasha didn’t say anything, but her glare had dropped from Steve. When she met his eyes there was an apology there. Tony gave her a nod. 

“I think we should get through the rest of it,” Tony said, “King T’Challa needs to return to Wakanda after all.”

“I do,” the King said and smiled in Tony’s direction. 

“There is only one more thing to cover,” Coulson said, “as far as a course of action there isn’t much else we can do but keep looking for Hydra compounds and Soldiers. In the meanwhile my team has worked at trying to get information from the Soldier. Brainwashing has certainly taken place there. We tried to work with BARF to—”

“BARF?” Wanda asked.

“Binaurally Augmented Retro Framing,” Tony said.

Tony wanted to know how Coulson was doing with BARF. Pepper had informed him when she’d sent all the tech over, but he hadn’t heard anything since. 

“We made a few modifications,” Coulson said, “but he is too set on leaving – on completing his mission and he’s strong. It’s hard to do much until we can figure out how to break the control they have on him. It might be best to try and figure out who has control of him. Hydra is down to very few members.”

Tony had almost expected that. He was curious to know what changes Coulson’s team had made, and was about to ask when instead Vision spoke. He shifted on the couch, and felt pressure on his back again. 

“What about Barnes,” Vision said, “he is not brainwashed any longer. BARF is supposed to act as a way to get over traumatic events. Wouldn’t he perhaps make good use of BARF. It could be the only way to get rid of the activation words if their association was broken, at least a viable way to try. Even the UN could not deny him this. And, after all, they were not made aware of this past mission.”

Tony noticed Clint’s surprise at Vision’s last words. “It wasn’t,” he said, “but aren’t you guys completely on board with the Accords?”

“Shield missions are not Avenger missions,” Fury said, “and since the United States Government refuses to admit that Shield exists then any Shield missions as long as they go without notice do not abide by the Accords.” 

It was interesting to see how they were all taking that, as if they wouldn’t go around the Accords when it was necessary. When he looked at Steve, though, he didn’t even seem to be concerned about that. It was probably Bucky that was making him frown like that. 

Vision made a good point. BARF would probably do wonders for him. Might make it possible for Steve to get his best friend back and this time for sure. Still, it was hard to think about Barnes walking around without any repercussions for everything he’d done. Tony wasn’t over any of it. He didn’t – Barnes had killed his parents and how many others? But, then, so had Tony. So had Stark Industries when weapons had been their main source of revenue. They all had pasts and just as Tony hadn’t been unaware of Obie’s double dealing, he knew that Barnes hadn’t been in control. 

It was harder than anything to give, and to pull his grief aside because the right thing needed to be done because it was bigger than just Tony’s feelings.

“We should let Barnes decide,” Tony said and tried not to gasp as the pressure returned once more, “there is no guarantee that BARF will work, but there are other things to try if it doesn’t. After that, well, he won’t be able to just walk free. The Accords have measures to take there.”

A part of him was waiting for Steve to argue and to make a fuss about how innocent Bucky was, but none came. Instead Steve looked at him with something akin to gratefulness.

“I will speak to him,” T’Challa offered, “once I return to Wakanda.”

No one protested. Steve didn’t demand to go with him. 

“Well,” Tony said, “if this is over, I’d like to get back to my bed.” It might help with making him feel a bit more comfortable. Getting out of bed hadn’t been the best idea. 

Before Bruce could get up, Natasha did, and she rushed over to help him to his feet. He could feel everyone’s eyes on them as they left. Natasha didn’t say anything as she let him to his room and helped him get back into his bed. It was only once he was comfortable that she sat down at the foot of the bed. 

“He never said,” she said, “never thought to even tell us that you found out in Siberia. I should have told you. I should have come to you and told you the moment we got back to New York, but I thought it would come better from him. He talked about Bucky all the time and I just – I’m so sorry, Tony. It’s no wonder you’re so angry at him. I thought it was just the accords and the break up not that.”

“Yeah, well,” Tony said, “when has a man not been stupid? I’ve been accused of it plenty of times and about eighty percent of those were deserved.”

Natasha laughed and shook her head. “What happened?” she asked.

Tony took a deep breath. He had to shift a bit on the bed when he felt a quick beat of pain at his back. It was gone after a moment.

“Well, Zemo had a video of that night. I remember that day so well. They were going on vacation for the holidays. I was home from school and driving my dad crazy because I kept bringing girls around and maybe he thought I wasn’t doing enough. I don’t know. Mom kept telling me how much he missed me around when I was in school and she was just always so warm with me.”

Tony remembered that winter break well. That whole year had been better than most. He’d always been smart, brilliant and encouraged to be a genius like his dad. So, it hadn’t been hard to put together that his parents weren’t always happy. Howard worked too much, he was distracted, he drank too much, he was obsessed with finding Captain America. His mom had been a socialite but so warm and loving. Maria Stark hadn’t been without brains. Tony had never given it much thought until long after her death, but for someone that spent a lot of time planning parties and attending parties or fund raisers and being involved in a lot of charity work, she had always understood what Howard was working on or later what Tony was building and creating. 

So, it had been hard to watch how disconnected they became as Tony grew older. He was gone at boarding school for such long periods that he didn’t get to see them all the time, but he remembered returning home to long silences and his mom drinking more than she should while his dad ignored her entirely. 

That last year had been better. She had been happy. She had always called him once a week to catch up and Tony had noted the difference, and when she told him that his dad was travelling less he’d known it was because they were spending time together. That Maria had convinced Howard to go on a vacation after Christmas. 

“We celebrated Christmas together – the three of us, Aunt Peggy was there, a few other people I can’t remember. Then, they were leaving but dad said he had one last work thing to do before they went to the airport. Mom didn’t give him any grief over it. I got the call later, they told me they died in a car crash.”

Natasha shuffled closer to him on the bed, reaching for his hand. 

“What really happened was that dad was taking the serum somewhere. Who knows where. The Winter Soldier made them crash, and then he killed them,” Tony said. 

He felt like his stomach was churning as he thought about it and could see the grainy video and The Winter Soldier being recognized by Howard right before he was killed. His mom’s voice calling Howard’s name. The tears came, then, spilling down his cheeks. Natasha didn’t let of his hand, but she moved to hug him instead and he let himself cry against her shoulder while she murmured something to him in Russian. 

\---

“It’s unbelievable,” Sam said, “I can’t – you didn’t tell him. You decided to become his boyfriend but you didn’t tell him!”

Steve was still sitting at the table, but Sam had stood up and he was angrier than Steve had ever seen him before. 

“I wish I had said something,” Sam said, “but I thought no, that’s Tony’s business. No one needs to know but Tony unless he wants them to know and Steve will tell him. It’s no wonder he still doesn’t want to be left in a room alone with you. Who were you protecting then, Steve? Bucky? No, it was you, wasn’t it? You didn’t want to deal with it – with knowing that your best friend murdered your boyfriend’s parents, so you just didn’t tell him.”

Sam threw his hands in the air and he dropped into a chair. They were both well aware that everyone else still left in the house could probably hear them. 

At least Fury, Hill, Coulson, and T’Challa had left, but Clint, Wanda, Bruce, and Vision were definitely within earshot. Still, they were keeping out of it. Steve was grateful for small mercies.

“I couldn’t figure out how,” Steve said, “and then I thought that maybe he didn’t need to know, that it would hurt him to know they were murdered. Clearly I was wrong.”

Steve ran hand through his hair. He’d been so wrong to keep something like that from Tony. If there was one thing that Steve would change it was that decision. 

“Yeah, you were,” Sam said and then he walked away. 

Steve dropped his head onto the table. When he lifted it back up it was because Bruce was there.

“For someone that was mad about being kept in the dark about Ultron, you do keep a lot of secrets, don’t you, Cap?”

Bruce walked away before Steve could even respond. It was the truth, though. He had been such a hypocrite over all of that. He had been keeping things from Tony and still gotten so upset when Tony withheld information that couldn’t have even been as personal to Steve as keeping the murder of his parents from Tony. 

Steve could remember the way Tony had turned to look at him. “Did you know?” The betrayal and the pain had turned to anger and Steve couldn’t blame him. He couldn’t blame him at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, so we're getting to the point where a baby is coming. I've been having a hard time deciding on gender and name. So any suggestions, especially when it comes to name would be great. 
> 
> So far I'm loving the name Riley (girl or boy), maybe Tony naming the baby after one of his parents? (IDK if he'd do that though), I was considering Arto as a reference to the comics (where Arto is the real Stark baby and Tony was adopted), Margaret (after Peggy because Tony does consider her an Aunt), and I can't even remember the rest of my choices right now. So any suggestions would be really appreciated. I just can't seem to figure out a name Tony would specifically want. 
> 
> This and other chapters can be found at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/146263484052/cosmic-love-part-nine-the-monument-of-a-memory)


	10. How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just want to say thank you to everyone that offered suggestions for names, it was actually really helpful as it did point me in the direction of a name I'd been considering for a while. And just thank you for reading and sticking around this story. We're halfway through so not too much longer left and I hope you all stick through to the end. Thanks for reading. 
> 
> chapter title comes from the title of Florence and the Machine's album and song "How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful" which is referential in a number of ways to the story as a whole as well as this chapter. it's also a fantastic song.

Steve wandered down to the shop in an effort to get away from everyone else. It shouldn’t have surprised him when Natasha appeared there and that she looked angry.

“How is he?” Steve asked for lack of something better to say. 

He moved around the shop so he could get a look at all the things that had been neatly put away because Tony hadn’t been down there in a long time. Gone was the clutter of everyday use and half-finished projects. Even his bots were put away, resting at their charging stations. 

“Upset,” Natasha said, “but then his parents were killed by your best friend and you knew for two years – we knew for two years – and neither of us told him. I could have so many times but hey, I thought you told him since you two were attached at the hip and then you were dating so why would I think that he didn’t know. How could you, Steve?”

Steve sat down at one of the work stools and leaned his elbows on the table. “I don’t know,” he said.

“All this secret keeping,” Natasha said, “it’s never going to end well. And, damn it, Steve, you were so angry when he and Bruce messed around with the scepter. I thought that this was all about the Accords and Bucky. I thought it was petty. I thought – well, I don’t know what I thought really. I just didn’t know you were keeping things from him.”

Steve scoffed. “You keep talking about secrets but it seems like everyone around here has them. I mean, you and Vision and the King of freaking Wakanda went on that unsanctioned mission while I'm here trying to read the accords and finding out that Tony may be carrying my child but I keep one secret and I'm the bad guy.”

Natasha threw her arms up in the air. "First, it's about his parents and you did it for selfish reasons because you didn’t want him to hate your best friend and because you knew what it would do to him. And secondly, what we do with our missions and the decisions we take are none of your concern. You heard Fury, so what the hell do you expect from us? I won’t address the baby because that isn’t my business, but get off your high horse, Steve. You can’t be angry when you’re the one that’s put everyone in this position by making the wrong choices.”

“We all made choices,” Steve said.

Natasha stalked forward and her hands fell on the table in front of Steve. 

“You made uninformed choices,” Natasha said, “and when you needed help you didn’t call me or Tony because of some unfounded reason that we would be too stubborn or afraid to go against the freaking Accords and that we wouldn’t help you or Bucky. But Tony did. He could have – Ross could have gone after him and he could have put him into the Raft or worse but he still went to help you only to discover that not only was it a disagreement of philosophy but that you were keeping a huge thing from him.”

“And he pays me back by not telling me I’m going to be a father,” Steve said.

It was sticking with him and growing, how upset it made him that Tony hadn’t wanted to tell him, that had it not been for the Soldier attacking or for that matter that Steve had been in the area that Tony would not have told him at all. 

“Did you know that?” Steve asked, “that the baby is mine? That there’s a high probability that I’ll be a father?”

“He didn’t tell me,” Natasha said, “but I suspected.”

“I know I hurt him,” Steve said, “I know I did.”

Steve couldn’t handle it anymore. Everything was in limbo like flotsam left over after a shipwreck and there was no one even trying to put it all back together. But Steve needed to try. It wasn’t even just about him and Tony. There was a baby to consider. 

“You hurt him,” Natasha said, “so, can you blame him? Just – look, I know it’s upsetting and that it hurts and just all of that. I know that. But, Steve, don’t let that hurt make this separation permanent. I know you still love him.”

Steve nodded. Everything was so complicated. “I have to talk to Tony,” he said, “because if I don’t this will just continue on and on and because nothing else matters more. I didn’t think that not agreeing to sign the accords ever meant giving him up. We’ve disagreed before.”

“It was different this time,” Natasha said, “it was different the moment you made the accords more important than your relationship and your family.”

Steve didn’t know how to respond. She didn’t try to stop him as he walked out of the workshop. He didn’t meet anyone on his way up, but he heard voices from one of the bedrooms. When he got to Tony’s room, it was quiet and it took him a moment to stop himself from just running away again. He knocked on the door and it was a moment before he heard a soft, “come in.”

Tony was lying on his side, a pillow supporting his bump and going between his legs, his head propped up on another pillow and he looked deeply uncomfortable.

“Oh,” he said, “Steve.”

“Are you alright?” Steve asked at once, everything else he’d been trying to figure out how to say falling away. 

“I’m nine months pregnant,” Tony said.

It was practically a confirmation. “So,” Steve said, “does that mean you cheated on me, or am I going to be a father?”

Tony sucked in a breath and he closed his eyes as if that might make the situation go away, but it wasn’t. 

“I never cheated on you,” Tony said, “but then you know you can trust at least that.”

“I know,” Steve said, “I – I didn’t figure it out at first but then once I realized how far along you were then it had to be mine. I just wanted confirmation.”

It was different to hear it from Tony and not just take his assumptions and his own math as the answer. Tony was carrying his baby. He was going to be a father. In a very short time there would be a tiny human that was a part of him and Steve had no idea what he would need to do, or how involved he would even be allowed to be. 

Tony groaned and he moved on the bed, but it only seemed to make it worse. He gasped and Steve rushed forward to help him sit up.

“We’re going to have to talk about it,” Steve said, “about everything.”

Tony’s face scrunched up in pain for a moment until it relaxed and Steve wanted to ask what was wrong, but Tony spoke first. “Well,” he said, “this might not be the best time. I think – actually Friday is pretty sure – that I’m going into labor.”

“What?” Steve asked, “Are you – are you sure?”

Tony nodded.

Steve couldn’t wrap his mind around how calm Tony was being. 

“Been having contractions all night,” Tony said as if he were talking about the weather, “they’re just starting to get closer together now. Friday already called Simmons and she’s on her way. Might be a good time to alert Bruce as well, Fri.”

In all of the different scenarios that Steve had imagined the conversation going including the possibility that Tony and he might argue and yell and hurt each other even more than they had already, the possibility that Tony might go into labor hadn’t even crossed his mind. 

“The baby is coming now,” Steve said, “as in right now.”

“Yes,” Tony said, “a bit early but—oh—”

Steve didn’t know what to do or what he was allowed to do. Tony had let him help him sit up, but Steve had since just hovered at his bedside. He didn’t know how to help or if Tony even needed his help. 

“Do you want me to—what can I do?”

Tony looked up at him. His eyes were watery and the composure he was trying to keep was slipping as another contraction seemed to hit him and his whole face scrunched up at the pain and Steve hated the helpless feeling that overcame him because he couldn’t take that pain away. Tony groaned. Maybe he wasn’t as calm as he’d let on.

Tony reached out his hand and Steve grabbed it. Nothing was resolved. But Steve could be there for Tony and hold his hand. The anger from earlier for Tony not telling the truth had dissipated because he could see that Tony was lost. He could pretend that he knew what he was doing and that he had everything under control but the truth was that he didn’t. He had always been a good actor and a good liar and it left Steve wondering if anyone really knew how Tony was because he wasn’t okay. 

“Ms. Simmons will be arriving shortly,” Friday announced, “and Dr. Banner is preparing the lab. I have informed them of how you are.”

“Thanks, Friday,” Steve said.

Tony groaned again as another contraction hit. 

\--- 

The baby was born at precisely 2am from a C-section because even Simmons couldn’t have figured out how a male body might deliver naturally. Everything had been prepared for the arrival of Peanut and Bruce and Simmons who had been working on researching and learning how to deliver a baby via C-section, were both happy at the ease that they had with it. 

Simmons suspected the pregnancy as a whole had gone so well because of the magic. Bruce had his suspicions that it was because Steve was the father and the serum had done its work to keep Peanut healthy. It wasn’t until Simmons walked into the delivery room that she said she agreed with Bruce.

The rest of the occupants of the house had been alerted to the baby coming only when Steve and Simmons were helping Tony down to Bruce’s lab and the room that had been prepped for the C-section. So, they’d all stayed down in the lab just outside the room, waiting for news and all of them surprised when Tony didn’t kick Steve out of the room too. They’d also made work of letting Pepper, Peter, and Fury know.

After the birth, Tony only managed to hold Peanut for a few minutes before he passed out from sheer exhaustion. So, it was Steve who held onto Peanut as carefully as he could and invited everyone into the room.

“It’s a boy.”

\--- 

It was scary how well things went. Tony had been scared sure, and his mind had offered any and every thought about the numerous things that could go wrong. Still he’d also found himself in a weird state of excitement because Peanut was coming. His baby was coming. And Steve was with him. His hand was holding his and it made absolutely everything easier even though there was still so much that they needed to talk about and just take into consideration. Tony had never thought that he would have Steve at his side for the birth of their baby. He had always imagined maybe having Pepper or Natasha, but never Steve. 

"You're doing so well, Tony," Steve whispered even though Tony wasn't really doing much but lying on a bed.

He felt like an incubator. Yes there had been labor pains but everything else was an operation. Tony was glad because the very thought of natural birth scared him. Maybe that was what made him calm – knowing that everything was going according to plan. It didn’t even matter that Peanut was early because it had always been a possibility and because Tony was more than ready to finally have Peanut in his arms. 

Simmons and Bruce spoke to him while they cut into him to add yet another scar on his body. Tony felt nothing, but he could hear and it was just on the side of odd. 

"Just a few more minutes," Simmons said after a while.

Then came the loud cries of Peanut and of course the baby had strong lungs. Simmons who had told him she thought the pregnancy going so well was due to magic had looked at Steve and then made a funny noise and said: "well he explains it."

"Oh, he's a beauty," Simmons said.

"He," Tony breathed, "a boy."

He was tired. The whole night had been exhausting and there had been so much emotion and so much to think about. Tony felt overloaded. Steve had gotten up from the stool he'd been sitting on and he gasped.

"Oh," Steve said.

When Tony looked at him, he had tears in his eyes.

"I'm making sure he’s in good health," Simmons said, "and then you can hold him, alright, Tony.”

“Yes,” Tony said, “please.”

Peanut’s cries had quieted down to almost not there whimpers that made Tony want nothing more than to make everything okay for him. Tony didn’t even have any names picked out. He hadn’t wanted to settle on something before seeing the baby and a part of him regretted it. It was going to have to be Peanut for just a little bit longer. 

Steve sat down again and grabbed Tony's hand again. "He's so beautiful, Tony, thank you for – for bringing him into the world."

“And I’ll be done closing you up in just a minute, Tones,” Bruce said, “Peanut is beautiful.”

“I want to see him,” Tony said. 

He was getting impatient even though he knew that it was important that Simmons do her tests and make sure that Peanut was healthy. He just hadn’t even had a glance yet, but Steve had gotten one. 

“Done,” Bruce announced before walking to the sink. 

“Prepare to fall in love,” Simmons said as she came into his line of vision, holding the tiniest bundle, “and he’s all healthy. His apgar score was good.”

Tony nodded as Simmons turned the bundle so that Tony could get his first glance at his baby before she helped to transfer him over to Tony’s waiting arms. 

Peanut was red and splotchy all over. There was a tuft of dark hair on his head, and his face was scrunched up. He looked the very picture of someone that couldn’t believe they’d been ready to face the world and it wasn’t what they’d expected. Despite all of that, he was beautiful and everything about him was tiny. 

Tony’s sole focus was on the baby, so much so that he hadn’t noticed Steve move closer, hovering next to him and just as captured by the baby as Tony was, not until Steve’s hand reached down to move the blanket to uncover little hands.

For a short while everything faded and all that mattered was Peanut. 

“We made this, you and I,” Tony whispered to Steve, “can you believe that?”

“Yes and no,” Steve said.

His hand grasped Peanut’s between two fingers, a gentle caress. It was then that Peanut opened his eyes. They were blue, but then most babies had blue eyes at birth. Peanut blinked and stared up before closing his eyes again and Tony fell in love again. 

“Sorry,” Simmons said, “I have to do the apgar again. Standard procedure and all.”

Tony reluctantly handed his baby over and then he let his arms collapse as all of the exhaustion settled into him again and he felt like he could barely keep his eyes open. He hadn’t gone through what women did with natural birth and yet it had all been exhausting. 

Steve helped him lie comfortably and then in what was a bold move, he touched Tony’s cheek and Tony met his eyes. 

“We’re going to be okay,” Steve said in a whisper.

Tony liked the sentiment. He tried to nod. He felt Steve kiss his forehead and thought he heard him mutter something else. He fell asleep content. 

 ---

“Oh, he’s so small,” Wanda said, peering over Steve’s shoulder, “what’s his name?”

“I don’t know,” Steve admitted.

In all of the excitement he hadn’t even had a chance to ask Tony if he’d picked out a name. There was so much that had occurred, too much for Steve to truly wrap his mind around. One minute he’d been ready to finally lay everything out for Tony and the next Tony was in labor and they were in the delivery room and Steve was surprised at how much Tony seemed to want and need him there. Then, there was a baby. Their baby. 

“I think that’s your chin,” Sam said, “this is your baby, right?”

“Yeah, Sam,” Steve said, “I’m a dad now.”

It sounded weird to say it out loud, but Steve was so proud of the fact that this tiny baby belonged to him – that he was in some small way his and that Steve had been a part in creating him. 

“Not what you expected to become today, Mr. Rogers,” Vision said, “the babe certainly seems to take after you and Tony.”

“I think it’s nice that it’s a boy,” Natasha said, “I couldn’t imagine Stark dealing with explaining menstruation.”

“He would have left that up to Friday,” Sam said with a grin, “or Steve.”

Steve didn’t really take notice to what they were saying. He was too captivated by the baby, lost to a weird feeling that was more than just protective and caring but an extension of that. 

“There will always be the sex talk,” Wanda offered.

Clint was the only one that didn’t approach. He seemed broody and quiet. Steve thought that it was to do with his family again. He didn’t know what was going on with them in particular but he was well aware that Clint had yet to leave to see his family and he didn’t know if that was by choice or because his wife didn’t want him to. He knew they had spoken a few times but nothing past that. 

The baby chose that moment to start crying. 

“Oh,” Steve said startled and suddenly realizing that he had exactly no idea what he was supposed to do. When he looked at the others he knew they didn’t either. Being a father was going to be harder than anything Steve ever did, he could already tell. 

Simmons laughed. “Probably hungry,” she said, “I’ll go see about formula.”

Steve in the meanwhile tried to soothe the baby, rocking him and trying to catch his attention but he was intent on crying for the moment. Tony started to stir on the bed and Bruce was at his side helping him sit up. Steve walked over as well and Tony motioned for him to hand him the baby.

Tony cradled the bundle to his chest, kissed the top of the baby’s head and started whispering to the baby which caught his attention. Steve wondered if Tony had spoken the baby a lot during his pregnancy, and if the baby could recognize his voice. 

“I bring food,” Simmons announced and handed the bottle to Tony after he’d gotten the baby situated on one arm.

It was beautiful to watch and they all seemed to be enraptured by how Tony coaxed the baby to take the nipple of the bottle into his mouth.

Steve’s fingers itched to sketch out the scene and draw the absolutely special and perfect moment. He knew there was still a lot to resolve and a lot to figure out, but Steve was willing to do anything if he could stick around and have a part in the little family that he and Tony might be able to have. He wouldn’t give them up for anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It finally happened! I actually thought I was going to have it happen in the next chapter and not this one but it worked out this way and despite all the wishes for girls, it ended up being a boy and his name will be revealed in the next chapter which I think will have a bit of a time skip mostly because writing about newborns is not that interesting to me. Funnily enough though I will soon have a lot of newborns home with me as my dog is due any day now. So any delays for the next chapter is because I'm busy taking care of tiny puppies and their mom. 
> 
> This and other chapters can also be found [on my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/146563232807/cosmic-love-part-ten-how-big-how-blue-how)


	11. I Was On A Heavy Tip Tryna Cross A Canyon With A Broken Limb You Were On The Other Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone reading this. You guys are amazing and just make me want to keep writing when I have the time. 
> 
> For those of you interested in an update: My dog Penny did have puppies last Tuesday, so I have three week old puppies at home and the care for them has been rather interesting considering Penny was having a few issues with not wanting to eat and subsequently not being able to feed the puppies but it looks like it's all squared away. So the three pups and mom are doing great. So is the father. (I have too many dogs!) 
> 
> And a note on this fic and updates:  
> I forgot that I was taking a summer class this month so updates may become more sporadic. It's an Advanced Creative Writing class so at least it'll be fun but it's just a lot of writing and a lot of assignments that I'll need to complete rather quickly. Additionally I applied to become a Supervisor at work (I work at Costco) and should be getting an interview and answer soon. I've been told I have a good chance of getting the position so that will keep me busy as well but ultimately won't be too many more hours more of work a week (I already work 38.5 a week...sups do 40-45 hours) Ultimately this month will be a bit grueling but I'm trying to get as much written as I can in order to be a little bit ahead so I can have some almost regular updates. We'll see how that goes. 
> 
> This chapter's title comes from Florence and the Machine's "What Kind of Man"
> 
> Anyway, enjoy the chapter.

**One Month Old**

Tony was shocked, when Friday informed him that Arthur was a month old. 

“Can’t be,” Tony said, “just because the crying hasn’t let me sleep for days and they’re all blending together it doesn’t mean a month has gone by.” He ended with a yawn. 

Friday didn’t respond and Tony who was in his workshop trying and failing to not fall asleep while he made work of putting together a new version of the suit felt like a month was something that required celebration. After all, the last month had been long and trying and Tony still wasn’t sure how he’d survived it. It was all probably due to how adorable Arthur was.

“We should have a small party, Friday,” Tony said, “order all the necessary things.”

The first few days after Arthur was born had been a mixture of exhaustion and excitement. Everyone wanted to see the baby and coo over him. Even Clint had expressed his need to hold the tiny bundle and make faces in the hope of a smile, not that babies that young could even smile. They had all gotten caught up in a bubble of baby excitement. Simmons and Bruce had surprised Tony by telling him they’d used Dr. Cho’s Cradle to create his own tissue and as such heal him so that he didn’t need to suffer through the recovery period of having a C-section. Aside from some exhaustion Tony had been up and about by the next day. It didn’t mean that he was any less sore or that his body didn’t feel weird after having carried a baby for nine months. A month later and he was already shedding some of the left over weight gain. It wasn’t hard now that he’d gotten back to his usual exercise routine.

The excitement had died down once Arthur kept everyone up at night to the point that Clint made the decision to move back to the compound though Tony thought it was more because he had his own demons to battle and being around a crying baby brought back memories of his own children. Being a parent made Tony understand his feelings more, he couldn’t imagine there ever being a time when he could be kept away from Arthur.

The other thing that Arthur had done was to put a standstill to anything that he and Steve still needed to discuss. Instead, they barely spoke, unless it was about Arthur. The strain sat between them all the time like a rubber band pulled so taut that it would snap at any moment and the whole thing would fall apart. 

Steve for one had made Arthur a sole focus. Always checking up on him and getting up every night even if it wasn’t his turn. Tony knew that Steve probably hated being away from Arthur as much as Tony did. Wanda was good with Arthur as well, and Sam was surprisingly willing to learn how to change diapers. Bruce was often a bit too scientific and he had a deep interest in studying Arthur to see if any of the serum had transferred over to him, but even he just wanted to sit and hold the baby for a while. Peter was still overtly cautious, but Tony could tell that Arthur fascinated him and that Peter would always care for him. Being the youngest person around, Tony could almost see a brotherly bond forming there and he didn’t find he minded it one bit.

In a way it was all going well. The day to day life was undisturbed and Tony knew it couldn’t last long but he hoped that it would for just a bit longer.

“Sir, Arthur is awake,” Friday said.

Tony looked up from the new reactor he was working on to the feed from Arthur’s room. He was awake, but not crying yet, just lying in his crib and getting ready to start fussing. A month had changed him a little. For one, he’d grown, and his eyes had stayed blue which gave promise to Tony that they would stay that way. 

Tony made to get up and head up when he saw Steve enter the room. So, he sat down instead and watched as Steve leaned down to the crib and carefully picked up Arthur, bringing him close to his chest and smiling down at the baby whose hands flailed. 

“You’re decidedly in a good mood today, eh, Peanut? Well, you’re a month old so I guess birthdays make anyone happy. Now, let’s go get you a bottle. Are you hungry? I think you are.”

Steve always spoke to Arthur like he would to anyone else, constantly keeping a narration going and not falling into baby talk. Tony thought it was cute. He thought that everything Steve did with their baby was cute. It was hard to ignore how much he really did love Steve when Arthur was present. He was a representation of their love, a steady and growing person that would never cease to remind Tony that he and Steve did love each other. It didn’t make anything easier at all. 

“Boss, James Rhodes is on the phone,” Friday announced.

“Patch him through, Friday,” Tony said.

Tony had been in contact with Rhodey at least once a week since Rhodey had decided to go back home to his parents and continue his recovery there. It had been easy to not tell Rhodey about the pregnancy then because Tony had felt it’d be a burden. But, then, Tony hadn’t told him even after Rhodey had gone back to work. Tony hadn’t known how to breach the subject. A part of him had been stuck on not wanting anyone to know. Then everything had happened so quickly that Tony hadn’t even been able to tell Rhodey before Arthur was born. So, he still didn’t know.

“Hey, Tones,” Rhodey said, “I love the latest improvement you sent me. Honestly, that and all the physical therapy has made walking rather easy. Is SI working on mass producing this for the public. It wouldn’t just be great for hurt soldiers but so many others.”

“We’re working on it,” Tony said, “shouldn’t be much longer before we start manufacturing.”

“Good, good,” Rhodey said, “So, anyway, was heading to your neck of the woods in a few days and figured I’d stop by and we can hang out for a bit. It’s been a few months.”

“Oh,” Tony said, “yeah, yeah sure.”

“Pepper said you were back at the mansion so I’ll stop by soon. I have a few things to finish up but I figured I’d give you a heads up.”

The call ended and Tony let out a breath. That was not going to end well. Tony was suddenly aware of how much Rhodey didn’t know. Tony didn’t think anyone had thought to even tell him that everyone was back from Wakanda. He didn’t let himself dwell for too long before he returned to his work. His new reactor was all but done. Dum-E’s arm helped to keep some of his tools steady and the other bots wandered around the shop cleaning up. Tony was glad to have them around again. He’d missed them while he couldn’t visit his shop. 

Friday interrupted him again. “Boss, King T’Challa is calling.”

Tony had heard from the King only once since Arthur was born and it had been a message congratulating him, so to hear from him again meant that there was something to discuss and Tony almost wished that there was a way to take paternity leave from being an Avenger but there really wasn’t. Just that they’d had a month without something coming up had been surprising enough. 

“I guess it’s a day for phone calls,” Tony said, “put him through to my phone.”

He picked up his phone and after he heard the click, he said, “Hello, Your Majesty,” as a greeting.

“Hello, Mr. Stark. I hope all is well with you and the baby,” King T’Challa said, “I felt that we could put a pause to things for a time, but this is all still a bit pressing. I have spoken to Mr. Barnes and he’s agreed to trying out BARF. I will be heading back to New York by the end of the week and I could bring him along then.”

Tony had forgotten all about Bucky and BARF and how they needed Bucky to give them some answers when it came to the Soldiers. He had been too caught up with the baby and not thinking about anything past that except for his work to remember that there were other things that needed worrying about. 

“Oh, um, yes,” Tony said, “you can bring him along to the compound. We’ll have everything ready to start helping him.”

It was the right thing to do. Any resentment that Tony felt against Bucky hadn’t been a thought in mind for the last month and it was hard to really fixate on that when he had a baby to care for. Still, there was this tinge of resentment for Bucky and not his actions necessarily, but all that he stood for in Tony’s mind. Logically, Tony knew the other man wasn’t to blame for the death of his parents or he and Steve breaking up, but logic didn’t exist in his feelings all the time and those hands had quite literally been the weapon of execution. 

“That’s good to hear,” King T’Challa said, “I will be in contact soon.”

\-----

Steve was surprised at the level of trust that Tony had for him when it came to Arthur. He had expected to be edged out, to have to fight for time and to be allowed to make any kind of decision, but Tony had welcomed him and allowed him access. It had drained any feeling of being upset about Tony not immediately telling him that he was pregnant or that the baby was also Steve’s because Tony wasn’t just allowing him to be in Arthur’s life, he wanted Steve to be. 

So instead of dwelling on hurt feelings, he dived into fatherhood. Steve hadn’t known if he would take to it, or if he would be good at it, but so far it was easy. All that Arthur really required was care and love and Steve could do that easily. He would do it gladly. 

After taking Arthur down to the kitchen to get him a bottle, Steve took him back up to the nursery and then he sat down in the rocking chair and settled himself to feed his son. 

Arthur was captivating as he drank his formula, but then he was captivating doing anything. Steve watched him until he was done with his bottle and then he stood up to burp him. He walked around the room holding Arthur against one shoulder and humming low to soothe him as he rubbed a hand down his back. 

When it came to a name, Steve wasn’t too surprised when Tony went with Arthur because Tony had once told him about how much he’d been inspired by the legend of King Arthur and his childhood interest in suits of armor that had probably in some small way inspired his Iron Man suit. Steve liked the name. It was strong and noble. 

\-----

The party for Arthur was small. Not many people could know where they were or even that Arthur existed, so the whole party consisted of just the Avengers that were available, Peter, and Pepper. Tony felt like it was one last good night before they had to really start facing everything. It would all begin with the arrival of Rhodey. 

“A whole month,” Sam said, “you’ve been a dad for a whole month.”

Tony nodded. He and Sam had never been close mostly because Sam had always just gravitated towards Steve more and probably because he’d spent so much of his time looking for Bucky than being around Tony. Still, he liked Sam. He could appreciate how loyal he was to Steve and that he had his own mind too. Tony hadn’t really understood his motivations for siding with Steve aside from the fact that they were friends, but Tony had finally gotten to talk to him while he worked on making some modifications to Redwing a few weeks earlier. 

“I was there for the fall of Shield,” Sam explained, “and to see something so big and monumental like that just be infiltrated by Hydra and almost become the cause of such global devastation, it was eye opening. It makes me wonder just how far the reach of Hydra is. We still don’t know and the military, governments, even the UN, they could all have Hydra agents within. So I can’t blindly trust like that because we just don’t know.”

“It wasn’t blind trust,” Tony told him, “it’s never been about that. I couldn’t trust Ross to not litter if he couldn’t find a trash can. I regret most of all not explaining myself. I just – I didn’t want to just demand you all to sign. I needed for everyone to decide, I didn’t think that not everyone would agree with me after everything with Ultron. And things just escalated. There will come a time when we’ll have to go against the accords and that’s something I’ve always known, but I’ve learned that sometimes you just have to go along with what is asked of you.”

It made dealing with Sam easier. It helped that he was obviously still wracked with guilt for Rhodey and that he had apologized a few more times for not telling Tony about his parent’s death at the hands of The Winter Soldier.

“Are you going to be daddy or another variation?” Wanda asked, appearing next to Sam, “we’ve been taking bets.”

Tony stared at her for a moment. “I think I’d like to be dad. I did carry Peanut for nine months.”

“He’s going to be using that card for a long time,” Natasha said.

Tony turned a glare on her. “It was a long nine months. Men were not meant to get pregnant for a reason. Now where is my baby?”

He found Arthur with Clint and Bruce on the couch and grabbed him from Bruce’s arms. He was still very small, but he had grown in a month. Tony almost wanted to keep him little forever, except that he also didn’t want to deal with all the things about babies that were complete downsides like the middle of the night crying and the diapers and the spitting up. Those things he could do without.

The highlight of the night was when Tony asked Friday to put up the slideshow of the whole nine months of pregnancy as well as Arthur’s first month of life including a few pictures and clips from the birth. 

Tony sat in one of the armchairs with Arthur as it played. He caught Steve’s eye from across the room and remembered giving Steve access to everything a week after Arthur was born. It had only felt fair.

“I still can’t believe you carried him, that we have a baby,” Steve had whispered. 

They were in the nursery and Arthur was fast asleep. He was only a week old and despite how tired Tony was, he didn’t want to leave. If he could stare at Arthur forever he would.

“I wish I’d gotten to be a part of it,” Steve said, “I missed so much.”

“I, um, I have it all recorded,” Tony whispered, “Friday has a file. You can view it whenever – it’s not the same, I know, but it’s something.”

“Thank you, Tony.”

Tony didn’t know if Steve had been upset with him for keeping it a secret or not because Steve never indicated as much aside from the night he’d gone into labor, but they were ignoring everything said that night. Tony wished he could bring it all up and finally have a conversation, but it was just too hard and he was too tired to really deal with everything. Not to mention that above all else, Tony knew that he was still angry with Steve deep down. 

As the party winded down, Tony took Arthur up to the nursery to put him down. A whole month and they were all experts at how to take care of Arthur, so Tony went through all the nightly rituals until at last he placed a kiss on Arthur’s head and put him in his crib. He stayed, watching him for a while before he left the nursery and back to where everyone was either cleaning up or getting ready to leave.

It was going to be one of the last nights they had of peace, Tony knew, because King T’Challa was bringing back James Barnes and that was going to open up a can of worms that Tony didn’t want to deal with. 

Then, there was Thor’s imminent arrival and he could show up any day, leaving scorch marks on Tony’s grass. 

Tony didn’t even want to think about what would happen when Rhodey arrived in a few days because he was going to get the grunt of his disappointment and the rest of his anger would probably go to Steve. A part of Tony was looking forward to that. He just had to figure out how to tell Rhodey that he was an uncle. 

\-----

Steve hadn’t meant to overhear anything, but he was carrying plates into the kitchen and didn’t expect for anyone to be there. 

“Nat, I just can’t,” Clint said, “I thought being back in the States and reaching out would help, but she says it’s different this time. I just – I miss my kids.”

“So go see them,” Natasha said, “she loves you and she misses you and your kids adore you, but Laura doesn’t just want your apologies. You screwed up.”

Steve stayed still just outside the kitchen. 

“I made the wrong call,” Clint admitted.

“Don’t you think I thought about calling you in,” Natasha said, “you’re my best friend. Of course I thought about it and getting your help, but I didn’t because you decided you didn’t want this life anymore. You were not an option. When Vision told us you’d helped break out Wanda I was shocked.”

He heard Clint groan in frustration. “Well, how do you think it sounded when Steve called me and told me that Wanda was being held at the complex on Tony’s orders? I had to help – she’s just a kid.”

“A powerful young woman,” Natasha said, “too powerful which you don’t get because she didn’t get in your head. It was for her own good. What is being kept at the compound to being put in The Raft?”

Steve knew it wasn’t his place to keep listening, so he slowly turned and was surprised to come face to face with Tony who only raised an eyebrow.

“I – Nat and Clint are in there,” he said.

Tony nodded but swept past him into the kitchen and Steve followed. Natasha was sitting on a counter and Clint leaning his back against another and they had both stopped talking.

“No,” Tony said, “go on, keep discussing how much Clint has failed at making decisions. It’s quite invigorating.”

Tony didn’t even stop to look at them as he opened the fridge door and pulled out a beer. 

“Tony—” Natasha said.

Steve could only watch silently. He still held on to the plates he’d intended to take the sink, but he couldn’t cross between Tony and Natasha so he hung back.

“No,” Tony said, “I’ve been sort of thinking about this a lot. I was pregnant so my main focus was having a healthy baby. So much so that I just let everything else happen around me and don’t get me wrong, I am grateful. I am grateful that everyone came to help and protect me even if in the end I didn’t need it. I am happy you all love Arthur and care for him, but it doesn’t change that some of you have made questionable decisions and that you haven’t apologized.”

Tony was looking straight at Clint. Steve wanted to step in and stop him, but he was on a tenuous position. If he spoke now the whole house of cards would come crumbling down and Steve didn’t know if he could handle it or the repercussion that it would have when it came to Arthur.

“Sam apologized,” Tony said, “and Wanda did as well. She’s still getting Vision to forgive her even if he doesn’t realize he hasn’t yet. She even signed the Accords. Scott is off dealing with what he did to his family. So, Clint, what is it going to be? You miss your wife and kids, you made a mistake, so fix it.”

With that, Tony walked to the door, but he paused there and looked back at them. His eyes fixed themselves on Steve and Steve knew that part of what he said to Clint had been aimed at him. But Steve was frozen where he stood and Tony swept out of the room and they heard him heading down to the labs.

“So, what happened to him,” Natasha said after a while, “he was so calm and happy during the party.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he said. 

All Steve knew was that things were going to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope everyone liked this one. I'll admit that it was a bit harder to write because there is just such a change in the story occurring but I do like what came of it. 
> 
>  
> 
> You can also find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr]()


	12. And In The Dark, I Can Hear Your Heartbeat I Tried To Find The Sound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've had this chapter ready since Monday but without the time to actually post it. So finally. I enjoyed writing this one as it's headed in the direction of something I've wanted to write since the beginning of this fic. So I hope you like it as well. 
> 
> this chapter's title comes from "Cosmic Love" by Florence and the Machine.

The day that Rhodey showed up at the mansion found Tony sitting in the den with Arthur. So when Friday allowed him inside, Rhodey using Tony's robotic exoskeleton walked over and stopped short. Tony noted how Rhodey seemed to be handling the device a lot better than the last time he’d seen him. The changes he’d made to the device itself had certainly made a difference and so had all the physical therapy that Rhodey was still getting. It made Tony sure that all the changes he’d come up with for the War Machine armor would definitely work.

"Whose child did you kidnap, Tones?" Rhodey asked, looking a bit amused.

"No kidnapping," Tony said as he stood from the couch, holding Arthur against his chest, "more like gave birth to."

Rhodey stared and Tony could tell that he didn't know how to react. "Is that a robot? Android? Are you creating life-like children? Because that's kind of creepy and not the best way to spend your time."

Tony laughed. He definitely hadn't expected that to be Rhodey's conclusion and it did hurt a little to think that his best friend could think he’d created a robot child instead of that he’d become a father.

"He is very much human. Aren't you, Peanut? Now, this is a very special person I want you to meet. It's your uncle Rhodey. Say hi to uncle Rhodey.” Tony waved Arthur’s hand for him. 

Rhodey stared at Tony. "You have a baby," he stated, "as in this is your baby." He still didn’t look like he believed it. 

Tony nodded and he walked over to Rhodey. "It's a bit of a surprise, I know, but I had a baby. Gave birth to him and everything."

“Yeah, do I look like a sucker? Whose baby is that Tony?" Rhodey asked.

"Mine," Tony said, "can't you see the resemblance?"

He watched as Rhodey looked from the baby to him, but Tony could tell that it didn’t matter what resemblance he’d spot because he wouldn’t believe Tony either way. Rhodey walked around him to sit on the couch, taking the device off without trouble and in a practiced manner. 

“Even if I can see one,” Rhodey said, “I can do the math and unless you cheated on Cap – which I know you wouldn’t have done – then that baby cannot be yours. Or did the super soldier serum give Steve a uterus?” Rhodey stared at Tony for a while. “Wait, is – are they back?”

Tony laughed and shifted Arthur in his arms because no matter how light he was, after a while holding him did get a bit tiring.

“Friday, pull up the baby slideshow,” Tony said, “and yes, they are back.”

He rocked Arthur, bouncing him in his arms as he walked around the den while Rhodey gapped at the pictures and muted video that Friday was projecting. 

“You had a baby,” Rhodey said after it was over, “you had a baby and you didn’t tell me. What kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that didn’t want to burden you,” Tony said.

Rhodey shot him a glare. “I swear,” he said, “if you hide something like this from me again, Tones. I told you, this is something that I was always prepared to deal with. The number of missions I’ve taken with the Air Force. Being War Machine. I knew the risks. And you’ve made it more bearable than it could have been. You should have told me you were pregnant. I would have been here.”

“I know,” Tony said, “I know. I just didn’t want to add on to everything else. And it’s a nice surprise, isn’t it? Do you want to hold him?”

“I never thought you’d be a father,” Rhodey said, “and yes, bring my nephew over here.”

Tony settled Arthur into Rhodey’s arms and watched as his best friend peered down at Arthur who curiously looked up at Rhodey. 

It went easier than Tony had expected, but then things were always simple when it came to Rhodey. They had known each other for so long that there was nearly nothing that they couldn’t accept from each other. Ever since Tony had become Iron Man those things had become crazier and crazier but Rhodey always seemed to just come to terms with it. 

“So I take it Steve is the father,” Rhodey said after a while of cooing down at Arthur.

Tony nodded. Just like with Pepper, he could see the anger and indignation there. 

“And they came back,” Rhodey said, “how is he dealing with all of this. I mean, I figure you told him.”

“He’s been good with him,” Tony said, “we aren’t exactly speaking about anything other than the baby. It hasn’t exactly been the best time for that.”

Rhodey nodded. “Well, he doesn’t deserve you,” he said.

Tony laughed. “He’s Captain America.”

“Doesn’t change that he hurt you. I saw you, remember, I saw how he left you. The bruises and the black eye and all the rest of the pain and hurt that you refused to show and – wait, you were pregnant then already weren’t you? That son of a bitch. He – I know you didn’t know but he could have killed him.”

Tony hung his head. “I could have gotten him killed,” he said, “none of us knew.”

Rhodey grunted. “Doesn’t mean I can just welcome the guy with open arms, Tones, because whatever happened in Siberia hurt you. His choosing Barnes hurt you.”

“We all made mistakes,” Tony said, “and in the end you know that it wasn’t Barnes that caused that bombing. Ross – he took it too far I could see that even then. Putting them in The Raft, I mean, that wasn’t necessary. I’ve thought about it a lot and I can’t help but wonder if he did that to lure Steve in. Of course, he didn’t account for how much more important Bucky was to Steve.”

“And he’ll chose him every time,” Rhodey was quick to say, “that’s what we learned about him.”

Tony looked at Arthur and then back at Rhodey. There was some truth to it there and yet Tony couldn’t imagine that it would always be the case. Steve would protect the innocent and do what was right, what he perceived as right. 

“He’s a father now,” Tony pointed out, “he loves Arthur.”

Rhodey nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “but I still want you to be careful because I just don’t know if he’ll stay even for Arthur if it means not being able to have his best friend.”

“I don’t think you know Steve like I do,” Tony said.

\-----

Tony didn’t remind Steve about King T’Challa bringing back Bucky, mostly because he’d gotten caught up in having Rhodey around and because he really didn’t spent too much time with Steve who seemed to spend a lot of time with Natasha and Sam when he wasn’t taking care of Arthur or taking long runs. 

So, when he got a message from King T’Challa that he would be arriving at the compound, Tony made sure that Friday would tell someone that he was out, and then he got into the newly finished Iron Man armor and flew to the compound. 

It was nice to finally get back into the suit. Tony had missed it in the long months after he’d scrapped the remains of the last one. It brought back memories of course, but it didn’t change how much Tony needed to be Iron Man. It was also the first time that Tony was leaving the Mansion since he’d moved there. 

The flight over was nice and novel and Tony almost wanted to take the suit off and just enjoy being outdoors, but he didn’t have the time for that. 

With the help of Coulson and Pepper all the equipment had already been set up in one of the empty rooms in the main building. Tony hadn’t had a chance to check it out, but he was itching to. He wanted to see all the small changes that had been made and he wanted to see just how it would end up working. He wasn’t as excited to see James Barnes. He didn’t think he would ever be excited to see the other man. 

He arrived at the compound with time to spare and got out of the suit but left it just inside by the door in sentry mode. Tony had expected someone to be there. The compound was back in running and even though most of the people that had worked there previously were still at AI or helping the newly formed Shield, Tony had almost expected for some of them to have returned. 

Clint who was still staying there wasn’t even around but he hadn’t been back at the mansion either. It gave Tony hope that he stopped sulking and went after his wife. 

So, it gave Tony the freedom to wander around. Somehow he wound up in his and Steve’s room. 

The room looked a bit messier than Tony had expected it to be. The duvet was half on the floor, and dirty clothes were discarded on chairs. Books were scattered about. Then, Tony saw the big bound stack of paper that made up the amended Accords. 

Tony picked it up and flipped through it, immediately noticing that it was covered in writing. Steve’s writing. He’d read the Accords. He hadn’t said anything – unless in the baby haze Tony was forgetting him mentioning it. He wondered what Steve thought about the changes even though he knew that nothing could change Steve’s mind. It was another thing to add to the list of things they needed to discuss. 

“King T’Challa and Mr. Barnes have arrived,” Friday announced.

“Thanks Friday, I’ll meet them in the den.”

He left the Accords on the bed and after glancing at himself in the mirror quickly and trying not to dwell on how difficult it was to be in such a familiar environment he went out to meet them. 

James Barnes looked tired. His hair was just as long as it was the last time Tony had seen him, and his arm was still gone. He seemed awkward and out of place, unsure in a way that Tony had never expected from him. 

“Hello,” Tony said, “I hope the flight went well?”

“It did, thank you,” King T’Challa said, “I thought some of the others would be here with you.”

“No, they’re not. I didn’t think they were necessary,” Tony said, “but Coulson and Fitz will be helping out when it comes to getting down to business. Everyone is still staying at the mansion for the time being.”

It was easier to not address Barnes directly and focus on King T’Challa instead. He could tell even just by being in the same room as Barnes that he wasn’t the same man he’d seen in the video, but it didn’t make it any easier to not just blame him. 

“Would it be better if we took Bucky there, then?” King T’Challa asked.

Tony saw Barnes glance at him before looking away. “No,” Barnes said, “I don’t want to get in the way. I – it has to be hard having me around.”

Tony gave a single nod. “I’ll show you to a guest room,” he said.

There were plenty of ready guest rooms at the compound and Tony took Barnes to the first one he found. There was no reaction from him as he looked around. 

“Kitchen’s stocked,” Tony said, “and Friday can answer any question you have and even show you around.”

“Who?” Barnes asked.

“My AI. Friday, say hello.”

“Hello, Mr. Barnes. I am Friday.”

Barnes looked around in surprise. “That’s – I guess thank you.”

Tony didn’t waste time after that to take them to look at BARF. King T’Challa walked around every piece of tech with interest and from everything that Tony knew about the man, he could probably easily figure out how it worked.

“This is highly impressive,” King T’Challa said.

“And it will help me,” Barnes asked after a while. He seemed cautious.

“We hope so,” Tony said and then watched him as he walked around. 

He wasn’t like Steve around new technology, a bit confused and a bit amazed. No, Barnes was interested and he seemed to be impressed. Still, mostly the man seemed wary but Tony couldn’t figure out if it was because of Tony’s presence or because he had doubts of it working.

“How soon can we start?” Barnes asked.

“There are preliminary things,” Tony said, “but a day or two at the most before the work really starts.”

Barnes nodded solemnly. 

 

\------

Steve had put Arthur down for his nap and was just leaving the nursery when he ran into Colonel Rhodes. It felt horrible to see him having to walk with a robotic contraption that Tony had built him. Steve felt the guilt land on him every time he saw him and he hadn’t really seen Rhodes on his own since his arrival.

“Ah,” Rhodes said, “I’ve been meaning to speak with you alone. With Tony off on a little day trip, well, this is the perfect time.”

Steve closed the nursery door and nodded reluctantly. He knew it was coming. He followed Rhodes into one of the many rooms he’d yet to wander into. It turned out to be a library. Steve followed him to a set of comfortable arm chairs and watched Rhodes sit and take the device off all as if it were normal for him to do. Steve supposed that it had to be. 

“So,” Steve said, “what did you want to speak about?”

“I never told you that I would kick your ass if you hurt Tony,” Rhodey said, “I never once thought that you needed to be told that Tony was special and in need of someone that cared for him and that didn’t mean him harm. I thought it was great – the two of you together. I thought that Captain America would be the last person to hurt him. I was wrong.”

Steve hung his head. “I never meant to hurt him,” he said, “I wanted to protect him. I always only wanted to protect him.”

Rhodey shook his head. “I had to hear it from Sam, you know, because Tony didn’t even tell me what happened. You kept important information from him. You didn’t want to hear his explanations for his reasoning for the Accords. You didn’t even care to stop and tell him that Peggy Carter died. You didn’t see him when he found out. Steve, you have made yourself dangerous to the world by thinking that you know better. Arrogant and dangerous.”

Steve stared at Rhodes for a while before he responded. “It all went too fast,” he said, “and this – your love and devotion to Tony – that’s what I have for Bucky. Wouldn’t you do the same as I did to help Tony if he were being persecuted for a crime he didn’t commit?”

Rhodes stared at him, considering the words. 

“I’d do anything for Tony,” he admitted, “but I wouldn’t do it alone. That’s what you did – you isolated yourself from the person you claimed to love most in the world.”

“I do love him more than anyone else,” Steve said, “except for Arthur. I love them.”

Steve had never known a love as deep as the one he held for his child. It was different than anything he had ever felt. It made Steve pause and think to the extent that he would love and protect and cherish Arthur. 

“And where does Bucky fit in?” Rhodes asked and he stared at Steve not like someone that wanted to cause him harm or that hated him, but like someone that had a lot weighing on Steve’s answer. 

“He’s my family too,” Steve said, “and he’s been a big part of making me who I am. But while I do love Bucky, Arthur comes before anyone else, even Tony. I – my biggest regret was not realizing that my actions would lose me Tony and I still don’t have him back – it’s possible I never will.”

It haunted him, knowing that there was so much still left over. They might have figured out how to take care of Arthur together – though even that was tentative – and how to live in the same house but nothing was the same. More than anything Steve missed just talking to Tony. It had always felt like a balm at the end of a long day to let their words intermingle between them, taking the weight of the world off their shoulders and leaving them a little bit lighter.

“I don’t trust you,” Rhodey said, “I can’t. I don’t know that you won’t just leave him – leave them.”

“I won’t,” Steve said, “I’ve been apart from him and it was worse than all the time I thought Bucky was dead and I didn’t know – I didn’t understand that I wouldn’t have Tony in the end.”

It was true. Steve hadn’t realized how far gone his relationship with Tony was before it was too late. Things had escalated quickly. They had been on good terms still when Black Panther and War Machine brought them in, but then Bucky had been on the run and Steve had gone after him and the glass that was their relationship had suffered one fall too many and the pieces had shattered on the ground and when Steve refused to ask Tony for help he had crushed those pieces into powder with his shoes. It was only once he and Tony were fighting in Siberia that Steve realized that they wouldn’t just return home and have a long chat and move on.

“It isn’t me that needs to trust you,” Rhodes said, “that’s up to Tony. But I’m here and I’m watching and if you hurt him again I’ll come after you, Rogers.” 

\---

“Daddy’s home,” Tony announced to a very awake Arthur.

He was lying in his crib staring up at the mobile that Tony had built with Avengers merchandise. There was one of each of them hanging off the mobile in one form or another. Iron Man was nothing more than the helmet and the representation for Cap was his shield. 

Arthur opened and closed his mouth in a sort of smile as he moved his limbs about.

“Are you hungry, Peanut?” Tony asked as he reached for him. 

Arthur stared at Tony as he spoke, intent on him. He made a cooing noise as Tony brought him out of the crib and instead of leaving the room for find food sat down on the floor where he had placed a blanket already. 

Tony laid down on his back, letting Arthur rest on his chest. It was supposed to help with muscle development and helping the baby start to hold his head up on his own better. 

“I visited with your other dad’s best friend today, Peanut, and maybe you’ll meet him one day. I don’t know if I’d trust you with him yet. I know he’s not a bad man, but he did some bad things.”

Arthur moved atop Tony’s chest as if trying to lift himself up, but he wasn’t quite there yet. 

Tony laid him down on the blanket next to him and propped himself up on his side to watch him. Mostly he moved his legs and arms. 

“I’m going to help him,” Tony said, “I think I have to help him. My mom would have wanted me to. She always said forgiveness wasn’t just important but necessary. I think it’s why she forgave my dad so often. I just don’t want to make her mistakes. I don’t want to be so quick to forgive that I give up parts of myself and I end up so unhappy pleasing everyone. At least I’ll always have you.”

The whole way back from the compound had left him thinking. James Barnes was nothing like he’d expected. Tony had always heard stories about the man from his father and then later from Steve and they had always been about a confident and smart guy who’d been a good friend and supportive person. The best of the best. He had heard about the suave and happy man that was best friends with Steve Rogers before and after the serum, one of the few to see Steve for what he was before he became Captain America. The man Tony had met was broken. He was a shell of the man Tony had heard about. 

Back in Siberia, Tony hadn’t seen any of it past the anger and grief. All he’d seen was his parents’ killer. But James Barnes was scared and upset and stoic. He was regretful and full of pain and wracked with guilt. Tony had managed to see all of that in just the hour he’d spent with the man. 

“I think I will help him,” Tony told Arthur, “maybe I’ll even build him another arm. I did destroy the other one after all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter shouldn't take me too long. Probably next Thursday but it could be as early as Tuesday. It all depends on how much time I have next week but I'll be writing a big chunk of it today. 
> 
> You can also find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/147402791462/cosmic-love-part-twelve-and-in-the-dark-i-can)
> 
> thanks for reading.


	13. I Took The Stars From My Eyes, And Then I Made A Map And Knew That Somehow I Could Find My Way Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading this fic, you guys are awesome!
> 
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter. It may be one of my favorites just because it has so many elements that I love in it. Also I really like writing Bucky. So I hope you all like it. 
> 
> The chapter title comes from "Cosmic Love" by Florence and the Machine.

The first session with BARF went as well as Tony had expected, which meant that it didn’t change anything for Barnes, but it did show promise mostly because Barnes had an aptitude for using the technology and it didn’t take long for him to concentrate enough to find the memories that they wanted him to relive. 

It was a bit of a gamble and Tony had arrived at the compound prepared with backup in the form of Vision and Peter. They didn’t know if just revisiting the memory of the event would trigger him, and Tony didn’t think it would, but they needed to take every precaution.

Bruce had sent other medical technology with them as well to be able to see exactly what happened biologically in Barnes’ brain. 

Interest in how it might all turn out and scientific curiosity made it easier for Tony to just keep going, but both Vision and Peter kept shooting him worried looks from time to time.

They saw it all play out. Zemo stared to speak the words and as soon as he’d said the first couple, Barnes’ brain waves changed. It was a small change, but a change none the less and the more words were said the more changes occurred.

“Shut it down, Friday,” Tony said, “they’re having an effect on him – even just the memory. We can’t do that to him.”

Everything disappeared and Barnes was left sitting on the chair looking shaken and Tony could tell that he was in some distress, his mind torn. He rushed forward before anyone could stop him.

“Barnes,” he said, “you are James Barnes. You are in the Avengers Compound. Do you remember? You’re not the Winter Soldier anymore.” 

Barnes looked up at Tony and he nodded. 

“How are you feeling?” Tony asked.

“Like crap,” Barnes said.

“Come on,” Tony said, “we’re going to have some lunch. Vision brought cupcakes for dessert that are to die for.”

It was only in the moments when not much was happening that Tony longed to be back at the mansion with Arthur. He’d never been apart from him – or away from the mansion – for as long as he currently was, and he missed his baby. 

“Friday, how is Arthur doing?” Tony asked. With Friday at his disposal Tony didn’t even need the usual baby monitoring technology. 

Peter who was helping Vision put together BLTs looked up at Tony’s voice.

“I’m going to hang out with you and Arthur this weekend right, Tony?” Peter asked.

Tony nodded. Peter was always eager to get time in with Arthur. He was like a surrogate older brother and Tony didn’t mind one bit. 

“Awesome. He’s just the cutest baby I’ve ever met. Not that I’ve been around babies a lot, you know, but he is quite adorable,” Peter said. He cut tomato slices as he spoke and Tony feared that he would cut himself at any moment.

“The baby is just fine, Boss,” Friday said, “Cap is reading to him.” 

Tony had finally told Steve that they were working to help with Barnes’ trigger problem the night before, but the reaction he’d gotten hadn’t been what Tony was expecting. 

“I didn’t realize you started already,” Steve said, “thank you.” 

He hadn’t demanded to see Barnes or gotten angry that he hadn’t been informed at once. Instead, he had been oddly pensive and Tony still didn’t know what to make of it. He’d almost expected Steve to demand to go with them to the compound, but instead he’d barely reacted when Tony asked Vision and Peter to accompany him. 

They ate mostly in silence while Tony thought about the triggers. He didn’t know if there would ever be a way to really remove them. It wouldn’t even be a problem except that the information on the words was very much out there and they could never know for sure if they managed to get rid of it. BARF might work to try and get rid of the connections the words had been made in Barnes’ mind, but if they were so imbedded then maybe there was a different fix. 

“What baby?” Barnes asked suddenly, frowning. Peter looked at Tony and then away. 

“Well,” Tony said, “I don’t know what Steve told you about the two of us.” 

Barnes’ brow furrowed and his hair fell in front of his face. “What about the two of you?” he asked and pushed hair behind his ears. 

It seemed everyone in the room was holding their breath. 

“Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers were in a romantic relationship,” Vision said eventually, “they have a son.” 

Barnes didn’t respond. He stared at Tony instead for a long moment. “Wait,” he said, “are you a woman?” 

“No,” Tony said, “no, but circumstances allowed me to get pregnant.” 

“And Steve is gay,” Barnes said. It was easy to forget that both Steve and Barnes had lived in a time when being gay wasn’t acceptable. 

“Bisexual actually,” Tony said, “and I’m not really into labels but this is a discussion for another day. I take it he didn’t share any of this with you? At least it’s nice to know I’m not the only one he keeps secrets from.” 

Barnes’ head dropped. “I’m sorry,” he said after a while, “I didn’t know Steve had – that he was involved with anyone. He didn’t tell me.” 

“Yeah, well,” Tony said, “he built a life that was thrown aside the moment he thought you were in danger. Must be flattering to think he cares about you that much.” 

“He’s a punk,” Barnes said and left it at that. 

They ate lunch in silence but Tony could see that Barnes was thinking. It almost felt a little good to know that Steve had been keeping personal and important things from Barnes as well, but it also made him feel like a secret that Steve had been keeping from someone that he considered more important than anything else. 

There wasn’t much for them to do after eating and Tony really did miss his baby, so they packed up and set to leave. It was a little bit sad that Barnes was being left on his own at the compound, but Tony wasn’t quite ready to invite him back to the mansion. He’d hoped that Clint or someone else would be around at the compound but they had all settled into his mansion or gone to get their families back. 

“What happened in Siberia,” Barnes said before Tony could follow Vision and Peter out to the car, “I didn’t know you were his – I guess his boyfriend – I didn’t know that and him fighting for me like that, he shouldn’t have done it. He can be an idiot.” 

“I know that,” Tony said. “I see them every time I close my eyes,” Barnes added, “your – your parents. I am truly sorry and I know that means nothing, but it doesn’t matter that I was brainwashed, my hands did that.” 

“The missing one,” Tony said, “the one I destroyed.” 

Barnes shrugged. “For the better. It’s caused too much damage.”

\---

Steve heard them get back. The door opened and closed and Tony and Peter both showed up at the nursery moments later. 

“I missed my little guy,” Tony said and Steve let him pick up Arthur from his lap and watched as Tony bounced the baby and pressed kisses to his cheeks. 

Tony always looked happiest when he had Arthur in his arms. Steve never wanted him to look otherwise. 

“Hey, Cap,” Peter said with a grin, “I’m staying the weekend. I was hoping we could keep working on those lessons.” 

Steve hadn’t had much time with everything going on to follow up on the promise he’d made Peter to teach him how to ride a motorcycle, but he’d gotten some time over the last month to get a start. Peter was a natural simply because he didn’t fear the bike and because he had amazing balance and instincts. 

“Yeah, we can definitely do that, kid,” Steve said, “tomorrow morning for sure.” 

“Awesome,” Peter said. Steve turned his attention back to Tony who had gotten down on the ground with Arthur and was tickling and playing with him. Tony with a baby was cuter than anything Steve had ever encountered before. He couldn’t get enough of watching. He wanted more than anything to be able to really become a family, but everything pointed to the impossibility of that. 

The conversation he’d had with Rhodes had left him thinking and Steve was doubting himself. For all that he claimed Arthur and Tony would come first for him, he just couldn’t be sure that it would be the case. Steve couldn’t tell the future and he didn’t know what might come that might break everything apart again. 

The Accords were still in play and no matter what had been amended Steve still didn’t think they were right. He knew that Tony was willing to break them if need be, but that didn’t change that they shouldn’t have been necessary at all. 

He hadn’t even known how to react when Tony told him that King T’Challa had flown Bucky in and that they were trying to figure out how to keep him trigger free. Steve couldn’t see the toll it was taking on Tony, but he was sure it was there somewhere. The thing was that Steve wasn’t privy to that side of Tony anymore. 

“Oh gag, what is that smell,” Peter said waving his hand under his nose. 

“That would be mister stinky over here,” Tony said. 

“Well, I’ll be downstairs,” Peter said and ran off. Tony laughed and got up with Arthur in his arms and walked him over to the changing station. Steve moved wordlessly to hand him a clean diaper from one of the lower drawers. 

“I had no idea that your best friend didn’t know you were interested in men as well as women,” Tony said suddenly, as he threw the old diaper away. 

“Oh,” Steve said, “it’s not like we’ve had a lot of time to catch up.” 

Tony hummed and he made a face at Arthur while he cleaned him. 

“Right,” he said as he expertly secured another diaper on the baby, “because you weren’t attracted to men in the 40s.” 

“Tony, it was a different time,” Steve said, “I didn’t know what I – I always appreciated men and women but I was an artist. I was supposed to appreciate things and beauty. I always knew if I was lucky I would meet a dame and marry her. There was never any hope that it could happen with a man. Bucky wouldn’t have understood or maybe he would have. I don’t know.” 

Tony put Arthur into a new onesie and used one of the wipes to clean his hands before picking him back up. 

Steve had never expected to have this discussion with Tony. He didn’t know what to think about it. All he knew was that Tony had expected Bucky to know that he and Tony had been an item. 

“You know,” Tony said, “when you left me in Siberia and went with Bucky – and when you insisted time and again that he wasn’t dangerous I thought maybe you were in love with him. All those stories you told me and just everything I thought maybe there was more to it than just friendship or brotherhood or whatever.” 

“Oh, Tony,” Steve said and he couldn’t help but reach out for him, his hand landing on a forearm, “no, there was only ever Peggy and that wasn’t ever really anything but hope for the future and then there was you. It’s always really only been you.” 

Tony avoided his gaze, focused on Arthur for a moment, before he met his eyes. “Then, why,” Tony said, “why leave me there after—” Tony took a breath, “—I know I fought you and I wanted to hurt him but if you loved me then why did you leave me?” 

Tony’s eyes filled up with unshed tears, but his emotion was so present in his voice that Steve was surprised they hadn’t spilled down his cheeks. 

“I was angry too,” Steve said, “but mostly I was ashamed. I – I didn’t chose Bucky. I just knew I didn’t deserve you.”

Tony nodded stiffly. “That’s not what it felt like,” he said and then reached up to wipe his eyes and turned and left. 

\----

“I think we can try and just have him use BARF,” Tony said, “we know what triggers him, and we know it’s a change in waves in his brain. But we can let BARF help him access the more traumatic moments he’s faced. I believe that the only way for Barnes to get better is to face those moments and overcome them. That will break the hold and the compulsion that the words have on him. In the meanwhile Bruce is looking into neural blockers and what could be done there.”

Coulson and Fitz who had joined them for the second go at helping Barnes recover seemed to be in agreement, so they set everything up and Tony was sure that with how easily Barnes had taken to BARF that he would be able to let BARF access the memories that might help. 

Vision was with them as well as Natasha, but Natasha had wandered off because she didn’t want to see anything and a part of Tony wished that he could join her, but he knew he couldn’t. 

“It’ll be pretty organic,” Tony told Barnes while Fitz set everything up, “the program I created is meant to search out for traumatic memories so just let it latch on to what it will. If you really don’t want to see something you can steer it away.” 

Barnes nodded and Tony was glad to see that he understood. 

Tony wasn’t prepared for everything to work on the first try, or for his first memory to be one of torture. 

Barnes was sitting in a chair that BARF projected. He was strapped down and Hydra agents moved around him. They were shouting in Russian and so emotionless as they put Barnes through some version of shock therapy. BARF didn’t quite project everything as well as it could because the scene wasn’t exactly set, but they all knew what was happening. Barnes actually screamed as if he could feel as well as see the memory and it threw Tony back to Afghanistan. It made him remember his own torture and his own painful nightmares while he was on a dirty bed with a stranger working on his open chest. He shuddered, pushing the memories away and looked up to see Coulson trying to talk to Barnes, but Barnes didn’t seem to respond. 

Tony strode over. 

“Barnes.” He said, “Bucky, it’s over. It’s over. No one will do that to you ever again.” 

“It happened every time,” Bucky said and his hands shook, “they needed to be sure I wasn’t remembering. They wanted to make sure I would comply.” 

“I’m going to take the glasses off you,” Tony told him and reached over slowly as to not startle him and took them off. 

Bucky met his eyes and he looked like a man so tortured and lost that Tony couldn’t help but just feel compassion for him. He also knew in that moment that BARF wasn’t going to work. Making Bucky go through every horrible moment of his life wasn’t going to be the answer unless they could isolate the moments when the words became ingrained, but they would never find every moment. Any hope of changing those moments was lost to the pain and guilt that was connected to everything and Bucky would never be ready to let go of that. 

“I don’t think it’s working,” Fitz said, speaking Tony’s mind, “this is like putting the poor man through all of his torture again. You mentioned a neuron blocker, Mr. Stark, I think Simmons and I could help Dr. Banner with that.” 

Tony nodded. “It would be for the best. I can’t think of any other way.” 

Fitz was already deep in his thoughts and he was pulling out a tablet and talking to Coulson about what he wanted to do. It left Tony with Bucky who looked mostly shaken. 

“Come on,” Tony said, “I know from experience that you super soldiers need more food than most. You know, my son, he’s actually eating a lot more than we thought he would which I guess he gets from Steve. We had no idea that he was going to have some of the serum in him. I guess, well, it makes sense. I don’t think he would have survived if he didn’t.” 

“Because you were pregnant during the war,” Bucky said and when Tony looked at him he added, “I did the math.” 

“Well that,” Tony said, “and because I don’t think it matters if I have a womb, I’m still a man. I’m not built to carry babies.” 

Bucky nodded thoughtfully. “I guess it was meant to be that Steve was the father.” 

Tony supposed that was true. 

Vision had cooked everyone lunch. It was something fancier than Tony had expected – chicken breast stuffed with spinach, bacon, and cheese with a side of homemade mashed potatoes. 

“I could get used to this kind of cooking,” Bucky said. 

“Vision is excellent at copying a recipe,” Tony said, “even though he doesn’t eat.” 

Natasha joined them for lunch but Coulson and Fitz declined as they left because someone from Shield had given them a call. 

“How did it go?” Natasha asked. 

“I don’t think it’s a viable way to help him,” Tony said, “it would hurt him too much.” 

Natasha nodded. Tony could read the unspoken statement in her eyes, asking why Tony of all people would be opposed to hurting Bucky. The thing of it was that Tony understood his pain. He understood what it could be like to be taken and tortured and to hope for death if it meant that the pain could end. There was also the layers and layers of guilt that almost created a second skin around Bucky and that Tony had been too blind to see back in Siberia. 

“I thought you created BARF because it’s therapeutic,” Natasha said. 

“It is,” Tony said, “but only if you’ve already done extensive work to make it easier to deal with the past. I could change things – I could see how things might have played out and mostly it was to help me remember that I couldn’t change what happened.” 

Natasha nodded slowly. “Bucky was either tortured or doing what he was told,” she said, “it wouldn’t really help to relive any of that.” 

Tony had never relived his own tortured moments in the cave, he had never wanted to see or feel that way again. It had been different to witness himself flying through the wormhole and seeing for a few moments the vastness of space and truly believing that he was going to die. It had been different to see him failing to catch Pepper and even though she’d survived, having that moment of panic when he truly failed. 

“That’s right,” Tony said, “it might do more harm than good.”

\---

Steve hadn’t had a reason for not going to see Bucky aside from really needing to think and consider everything. Tony had never told him that he couldn’t go see Bucky. He’d never even implied it. So, when Tony, Natasha, and Vision returned from the compound, he didn’t say a word and instead headed over to see his friend. 

He found Bucky watching TV in the den. He was still missing one arm, but that didn’t seem to bother him much. He was still surprised to see Steve when he walked in. 

“I thought you were Clint,” Bucky said, “Tony keeps warning me that the guy’s going to show up one of these days in tears because his wife won’t take him back.” 

Steve couldn’t help but laugh. “I think she did take him back,” he said, “but we – I guess that’s another show of how awful my choices were. I – I hurt a lot of people.” 

“Including the guy you love,” Bucky said and he shook his head, “you know, I hated him a little bit when he was so adamantly coming after us. I really didn’t like him. I didn’t know that it was because he wanted to protect you so damn much that he didn’t care what happened. I killed his parents and still he wants to help me. How did a punk like you land someone like that?” 

Steve didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t know what he could say to defend himself because everything Bucky said was true. Steve had been so single minded in his need to make sure that his hands weren’t tied and that Bucky wasn’t captured that he hadn’t stopped to consider why Tony and not Ross or his men were after him. He’d never given Tony a chance to explain or considered asking for his help. 

“He still loves you,” Bucky said, “I can tell from how he talks about you. I can tell because he wants to help me even though I killed his parents. He’s doing it for you. That man loves you.” Steve couldn’t be sure that Tony still loved him the way that he used to, but he hoped Bucky wasn’t wrong. It still didn’t mean that he deserved him. 

“You always thought I would leave you behind,” Bucky said, “that I would go off to the war or that I would finally find a girl I liked. So I don’t think you were prepared to be the one to move on, but you have Steve. You told me I was your family and that I was your last link to what you know, but I may be that last link but you have a new life. It’s Tony and your baby and all of the Avengers. Don’t get stuck in the past.” 

Steve shook his head. “What are you saying, Buck?” 

“I’m just saying that I’m here for you, but that if you want that family – if you want Tony – then you have to put him and your baby first and that I for one think that you should.” 

Steve was surprised. “What brought this on?” Steve asked. 

“Well, for one thing meeting Tony Stark,” Bucky said, “but for another knowing that you’re a father now. And I do want to meet the baby. What is he a Stark or a Rogers?”

“Both,” Steve said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to get this chapter written by avoiding the writing of a poem so I will be getting right on that and then back to writing so expect the next chapter probably next tuesday. 
> 
> You can also find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/147653670972/cosmic-love-part-thirteen-i-took-the-stars)


	14. I Heard Your Heart Beating, You Were In The Darkness Too So I Stayed In The Darkness With You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So a funny thing happened to me this week that I'd like to share with all of you only because it sort of relates to this fic. So as most of you know I was up for a promotion at work which I was kind of on the fence on getting because it would take up so much of my time - but the money would have been great. So I came very close to getting it. Instead one of the people I considered a good friend got it. Now I am happy for her. I think she deserves it, and I think she actually does need it more than me. But she apparently found out from another supervisor that she was getting it before it became official and when that happens you're not supposed to tell anyone. But she told a couple of people and not me. And when I found out and I asked her without being too forward about it she lied to me. And when I did finally confront her, the excuse was that she didn't want me to be mad at her, or hate her. And this situation reminded me so much of this fic in some ways because while my feelings were not hurt (I have a very thick skin when it comes to stuff like this) it just made me so disappointed in her actions and her views of me/our friendship and most importantly has given me such an insight into the person she is because she put herself first and being in such a situation even though I've already resolved it and hold no grudges, it just brought me even closer to Tony.   
> TLDR: I did not get the job - my friend lied to my face.
> 
> And I truly am relieved to not get the job. It leaves me with time to write not just this but my own works, and just means that my focus will be that and school which is what really matters to me than getting stuck working retail. And I think I'll be happier for it. So without much more rambling enjoy the chapter and thank you so much for sticking around and continuing to read. This one was a fun one to write. 
> 
> chapter title once more comes from Cosmic Love by Florence and the Machine.

Tony rocked Arthur and walked around the kitchen while Steve prepared the bottle. Tony had been surprised that when Friday woke him because Arthur was up, that Steve had heard the baby as well. 

“One day, Peanut, you’re going to sleep through the night,” he informed Arthur.

Steve made a noise that sounded a bit like a laugh. Tony glared in his direction for a moment before being caught up in Arthur again. Arthur was everything. He was a bit fussy in his hunger, but not in a bad way. Tony pressed a kiss to his forehead just in time for Steve to turn back to them with a bottle. 

“If you want to get back to sleep I can handle him,” Steve said, “I was up anyway.”

“No, no,” Tony said, “I’m up now.”

Steve nodded but after he handed the bottle over he didn’t leave. Instead he followed Tony back up to the nursery and Tony knew what was coming. He’d been expecting this moment for a while and he had been grateful when it didn’t immediately occur, but ever since Rhodey had come to visit, Tony had known that they would need to finally talk about it. Their co-parenting thing wasn’t going to just keep working if they didn’t discuss it first. 

“I think we need to talk,” Steve said while he went about making sure everything in the nursery was in the right place and Tony sat down at the rocking chair.

Arthur ate quickly, his bottle settling him down once more until his eyes were closing and he was starting to doze off. Steve took the empty bottle without being asked and when Tony glanced at him he found Steve just watching them.

He was dressed in his jogging pants and one of his unbelievably tight t-shirts. Tony had to try hard not to look at Steve and not to remember how it felt to rest his head on that chest after a long day, or how loved Tony had always felt when he was wrapped up in his arms. At the moment, Steve was watching them with a soft smile that Tony didn’t know what to make of. 

Tony stood up slowly and he lingered by the crib, still holding Arthur for a few moments longer than necessary, before he finally settled Arthur back in. 

“If I could sleep that peacefully,” Tony muttered.

“Yeah,” Steve said. 

They shared the silence for a while, just watching Arthur, until Tony knew that he couldn’t put it off anymore. 

“Come on,” he said, “we can go to my workshop.”

He didn’t wait for Steve to follow, but he heard him coming behind him. Once in the workshop, Tony sat down by the latest project and he motioned for Steve to take one of the other stools.

“I’ve missed getting to just hang out with you while you work,” Steve said, “there was always something nice about it.”

Tony nodded. “I really got to know you then,” he said.

“I spoke to Bucky,” Steve said, changing the subject.

“Finally went to visit him, then,” Tony said, “I wondered when you would.”

Steve smiled a little. “He, um, he really likes you. If I didn’t know better I’d say that he had a crush on you, but I think mostly he sees who you are. He sees why I – why I love you.”

“Oh,” Tony said. He hadn’t expected their conversation to start like that.

“And I do, Tony,” Steve said, “I love you and I love Arthur. That isn’t something that will ever change. But I also know that loving you isn’t enough. Bucky, he really reminded me not just about how amazing you are, but how much I’ve failed you. He was mad, I think, that I never told him you and I were together. He said he hated how you came after us, and I maybe should have explained but I didn’t get it then. I didn’t understand how much you were doing to help us.”

Tony stared at him. It was too much. Tony had to think. He was a bit surprised that Bucky had gotten upset at Steve, but then it made sense that he would from everything that Tony knew about Bucky, especially how shocking it had been to Bucky to learn that his best friend and Tony had a baby. 

“I hurt you,” Steve continued when Tony had said nothing, “I know I did. I hurt you by keeping that secret even if I never meant it to. I meant to protect you and I know you Tony, I knew you’d want to keep fighting me or Bucky – it didn’t matter. So I just – I walked away when I could even though it meant disabling your suit and I am so sorry. I just – I didn’t leave because I choose Bucky. It was because I didn’t think you would even let me help you.” 

“You’re sorry,” Tony said and he was still taking it all in. 

So much had changed and happened since that moment when he was left there in that Hydra compound with a broken arc reactor and a shield that was all but useless to him while the man he loved walked away with his best friend – the man that had killed Tony’s parents. 

“It’s not enough,” Steve said.

“You did choose him though,” Tony said, “you made that choice every day that went by when you didn’t tell me that your best friend – even if he was brainwashed – killed my parents. And when you left – when you picked him up and left me there and you broke the arc reactor, that broke my heart.”

It was melodramatic in a way, but true, and Tony couldn’t look at him. All the anger, all the hurt and the pain that had been sitting somewhere inside him ignored because Arthur was more important was suddenly right there and there was no ignoring it any longer.

“You say you’re sorry and I know, I know you are, but I’m supposed to be your partner. I know we weren’t together for even a year. I know that. But I was your friend, Steve. Your best friend in this century, you told me once, but not once have you trusted me. You didn’t trust me with the knowledge of how my parents died or to call me or ask for help when you needed it. Instead you assumed you knew best just like always. And you didn’t even think that all that time I was after you and Bucky that it was because I was trying to handle the situation in the best way possible. You have never trusted me, Steve.”

When Tony finally looked at Steve it was to find how absolutely broken Steve looked. The regret was written all over his face and there was also something close to resignation there. Tony almost wanted to stop speaking, but he had to keep going. It was the only way to get everything out in the open. 

“This entire time it has felt like you choose him without even an ounce of consideration for any of his actions or the situation he is in. But when it came to me, when it came to my decisions and my choices you condemned them,” Tony said. 

That was the crux of it. The lack of trust. Tony had never lost his trust in Steve. Everyone thought that the problem lay in that Tony couldn’t trust Steve to stay or to love him or to be a parent, when what Tony couldn’t trust was that Steve could hold any amount of trust for Tony. Even now, Steve was one of the few people in the world that Tony could trust with his life and the life of their child. He would trust Steve with anything. The problem was that Steve had never trusted him like that ever. 

“I don’t always know what’s best,” Steve said, “but I know I can’t just do what doesn’t feel right to me. I have always trusted my instinct.”

“And it has led us here,” Tony said pointing from himself to Steve, “we are broken, Steve. I don’t even know if it’s worth trying to make something of this. Maybe it can work to just be Arthur’s dads and on this team together. Maybe that’s enough, because we don’t agree when it comes to the most fundamental of things.”

Tony remembered a similar argument, but that one had been with Pepper. It was right before The Avengers started their search for the scepter. 

“Do you have to go, Tony? SI could use you right now, and with Thor back on Earth do they really need you there as well?” Pepper asked.

Tony who was in the middle of fixing a few of the widow’s bites paused to look at Pepper. “This is what I do, Pep, it’s who I am.”

“You aren’t the suit, Tony,” She said, “I can’t handle this anymore. I’ll be in the office worrying over anything that might happen to you. The risk is too much. You mean too much to me for you to go and sacrifice yourself for—”

Tony tried to move towards her and to grab her hand. Pepper had turned away. He could tell she was crying. 

“I think – I think it was a mistake when I came back,” Pepper said, “after New York and after the stuff with AIM I thought you were done and for a while you were but I can tell this isn’t something you’ll give up easily.”

“Pepper I—” Tony started, not sure if he even knew what he wanted to say. 

“No,” Pepper said, “let’s just make a clean break of it, alright. I do love you, Tony, I do, but I don’t think we’re meant to be. I think we both know that.”

Tony didn’t protest. He didn’t try to argue. He just watched her walk away and when he sank into the couch off to the side of the workshop, he didn’t even send Dum-E away when the bot brought him a cup of coffee that was probably a third motor oil. 

There was a part of him that found something akin to freedom at knowing that he and Pepper were over. He loved her dearly, but she was right, Tony had known there was no future between them, not when she was constantly trying to separate Tony from Iron Man. 

“That’s not true, Tony,” Steve said startling Tony from his thoughts, “we agree on so much. It’s why we fight. It’s our approach that’s different and I will never make the thoughtless mistakes I’ve made again.”

Tony shook his head. “I can’t believe you,” he said, “I just don’t know that you won’t.”

Steve got up from his stool and for a moment Tony thought that he was going to leave, but instead he walked around the table to stand next to Tony and Tony took a moment before he turned to look up at him. 

“Saying I’m sorry is never going to be enough,” Steve said, “but everything that happened has been eye opening and I know that I won’t hurt you willingly again. I want to be with you. I want to call you my husband one day. I want to be Arthur’s dad by your side. Promises aren’t much but I can tell you this much: we will disagree and we will fight because that’s who we are, but I will never discredit your ideas or keep things from you again. You are the only person aside from our son whose happiness matters most to me.”

Tony didn’t know what to say. Words were nothing in comparison to actions and Tony could recognize that Steve had been different lately, but it didn’t mean that he would never hurt Tony again. 

“I don’t—”

Steve lifted his hand to brush Tony’s hair from his face, “think about it,” he said, “I just want a chance to make this work and if we fail then at least we tried but isn’t it worth it to try first?”

“I just need – I don’t need time, Steve, we’ve had so much of that. I need, I guess I need you to prove it to me.”

Steve looked at him and nodded once. Steve then leaned forward and pressed a kiss to Tony’s temple as he’d always done in the past and Tony couldn’t help but close his eyes and take the moment in because this was something he’d missed and yearned for. Steve would never leave his heart. He had taken up tenure in such a permanent way that Tony couldn’t imagine anyone else ever taking his place.

“I love you, Tony,” Steve whispered before he left. 

It was only after Tony couldn’t hear Steve’s footsteps that he muttered, “I love you too.”

\---

“I read the Accords,” Bucky told Tony. 

They were in the workshop at the compound which Tony had gotten back to how it used to be with some help from Friday, Vision, and King T’Challa who had offered vibranium for Tony’s use in recreating the arm. 

“Did you,” Tony said with surprise, “and what do you think?”

“It makes sense,” Bucky said.

Tony looked up at him and tried to mask his shock. 

“Well, I’ve been around for a while,” Bucky said, “and I am the last person that would praise control in any form, but this isn’t complete control, is it? And from everything I’ve seen and experienced people need to be held accountable when they do something wrong and I know that people want to have a choice. They want to decide if they should be helped or not.”

“You’ve had very little choice in everything that’s happened to you,” Tony said, “I am sorry for that.”

Bucky smiled a little. “Not your fault,” he said.

“Well,” Tony said and it hurt him to say it a little, kind of like a pinching of his arm with a pair of sharp nails, “it isn’t your fault either. Any of it.”

Tony looked back down at the 3D model of Bucky’s old arm and he got caught up for a moment in amazement at the technology, so much so that he was surprised when Bucky had moved closer and he reached out to Tony, touching his arm.

“Don’t say that if you’re saying it for Steve,” Bucky said, “don’t give me a pass because I’m his best friend. I still did it. I still remember it. I remember her whisper your name. I remember feeling her heartbeat stop and I cannot forget. I did that.”

It hurt to hear, to almost picture what Bucky was describing, but Tony pushed the images away. When Tony looked at him, Bucky was dead serious. The emotion was in his eyes, but he looked ready for anything. 

“But it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t your decision,” Tony said. He reached towards Bucky’s hand and then thought better of it and pulled Bucky into a hug.

Bucky was stiff, but relaxed after a moment. 

“I didn’t get it,” Tony said after he pulled away, “why Steve is so quick to defend you or any of it but it’s because all of it is on your shoulders. You feel it, you wish you could change it, you remember. But it wasn’t your choice to do it. It wasn’t your fault. The deaths of Howard and Maria Stark are on Hydra.”

Tony had found himself thinking about it a lot. There was a conflict for him when it came to Bucky, but in the end it was spending time with him that made it hard to really keep a quick conviction that Tony could keep blaming him for his parent’s murder. It was hard when Bucky was becoming his friend and when Tony could see the glimpses of the man that he’d once been – the man that Steve had told him so much about. 

“Steve really does have excellent taste,” Bucky said and there was a mocking smile on his lips.

Tony rolled his eyes. “Come on,” he said, “I need to get a good look at that arm now.”

Bucky nodded silently. 

\---

Two Months Old

The call came in the middle of the night and Steve only knew about it, because he was present in Tony’s workshop when Friday announced that Coulson was calling. Steve had taken to hanging out with Tony down at the workshop when he knew Tony was down there late. They spoke sometimes mostly to do about Arthur, but mostly they kept to themselves and the silence was enough. Steve sketched or worked on the numerous drawings or paintings he was doing of Arthur and Tony tinkered. He was working on a newer and better version of Bucky’s arm and so far everything was going well. 

It was the most that Steve could ask for since their conversation and Steve didn’t want to push Tony, because proving that he wouldn’t leave Tony like before was difficult. But showing his love for Tony wasn’t. Steve showed it by bringing him cups of coffee made to his liking and making sure he ate. He showed it by making sure he got to sleep or didn’t forget to leave his projects behind to spend time with Arthur not because Tony was a bad father, but because hours became minutes for him. 

It was possible that things were getting better. 

“Stark, we have a problem,” Coulson said through the speaker, “the soldier escaped.”

“What,” Tony said and he dropped his hands to the table in front of him, “how does that even happen? Friday, get my suit ready. Do you know when he escaped?”

Steve was silent as the call continued to be projected to them, “three hours ago,” Coulson said, “I have my agents searching for him and Fury has been informed. I’ll send you all the info we’ve managed to get.”

“Well,” Tony said, “I’m coming to help as well. We’re getting nothing from him and Bucky confirmed there aren’t any more of them. It’s time we end this.”

“I’m coming with,” Steve said, “I won’t let you go on your own, Tony.”

When Tony looked at him, Steve almost expected him to tell him no, but instead he nodded silently. “Bring your shield,” he said instead, “we leave in five. Friday, alert Vision and Wanda they’re to stay here. The house is on lockdown. No one enters or leaves, Friday, not until we get back.”

Steve knew that Tony didn’t want to say it, but it was all implied as he kept muttering to Friday. Arthur would be kept safe at all costs. 

Steve put his notebook on the nearest surface and followed Tony. There was a room off the workshop that had all of their uniforms in all forms and versions. It wasn’t necessary for him to don the Captain America uniform, and a part of Steve still felt like he didn’t deserve to, but he pulled it on anyway. 

He hadn’t touched the shield since bringing it to the mansion and fixing it up from the scratches that King T’Challa had left on it. Steve had even repainted it. The Shield looked brand new, but it didn’t feel like it was his. 

“Are we taking the Quinjet?” Steve asked when he found Tony again. 

“No,” Tony said with a shake of his head and just a smidge of hesitation, “you’re flying with me. Faster.” 

Steve had almost expected it, but he just hadn’t known if Tony would be comfortable with that. They were beginning to become more civil and friendly when it came to things outside of their son, but it was still hard. Nothing had been resolved really, but the road to better communication was just within their reach.

Tony made the suit fly towards him and put itself together around him as they walked out of the house and it was once they were outside that he pulled the helmet on and closed the face plate before he opened his arms for Steve.

They had only done it a couple of times, but Steve had enjoyed them both. Flying was different than anything else, especially when it was out on the fresh air. 

He stepped onto Iron Man’s feet and Tony’s arms covered in armor snaked around his waist.

“Hold on tight, Old Man,” Tony said and then they were off. 

It didn’t take long for Steve to figure out where they were going. New York City was about three hours away by car, but flying with the Iron Man suit cut that down to less than a half hour and they hadn’t even touched down before Natasha’s voice came in through the comms. 

“Figured you’d get here eventually,” she said, “Fury sent me from the tower. We lost track of him as he entered the city. We’re not actually sure he’s here. For all we know he’s headed back to the mansion or he’s in New Jersey.”

“No traffic cams, nothing to figure out where he went,” Tony said.

“No,” Natasha said, “you can ask Barnes, they are trained to be able to hide like this. We have nothing, Stark. Coulson’s agents are going over traffic cameras now.”

“Sir,” Friday said, “I’m afraid that he is in New York City. He’s been sighted by Avengers Tower. He has Peter Parker.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this and other chapters can be found over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/148055882632/cosmic-love-part-fourteen-i-heard-your-heart)


	15. Still I Follow Heartlines On Your Hand. And There’s Fantasy, There’s Fallacy, There’s Tumbling Stone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you once more to everyone still reading. You guys are wonderful. 
> 
> So I have to admit that the cliffhanger in the last chapter was very difficult for me to write from and I tried a few approaches but this worked and I think it does get us to the point of why this happened at this moment and what I've trying to get to. SoI hope you all like it.

Bucky rarely slept through the night, not that he really needed to sleep a full eight hours. So, he took naps instead raging from a half hour to four hours. Being that the compound was completely empty, Bucky tended to just explore the place. He’d gone into every building and gotten a look at almost every aspect of the Avengers Compound from the technology, to the training rooms, the gym, and even some of the bedrooms. He thought the whole facility was amazing, but what he was most interested in was the technology. It was like something out of a sci-fi book. In his time as The Winter Soldier he hadn’t recognized or been impressed by much mostly because he’d been so single minded to just what he’d been told to do. 

There had been a freedom in more ways than one, once he started to remember. But there had never been enough time to really experience much. Bucky had always felt like he needed to keep moving. Being at the compound gave him time to learn and look into things that he found interesting. Friday, who Bucky was still amazed by, was instrumental in his learning. The AI pointed him in the direction of anything and everything Bucky might want to know which included books, tv-shows, and movies. 

So, Bucky was settling in to spend some time watching tv when he somehow found himself watching the news and before he could change the channel to something else, he realized that it was live coverage of something happening in New York City and Iron Man was right in the midst of it. 

“Friday, what’s this? What’s happening?” Bucky asked.

“The Soldier that tried to attack Mr. Stark escaped Shield. Mr. Stark and Mr. Rogers are trying to capture him,” Friday said. 

Bucky stared at the screen where the camera was following Iron Man as he threw the soldier against what looked to be his own building. 

“We are hearing reports that civilians have officially been removed from the area surrounding Avengers tower. This fight between Iron Man and an unidentified powered individual broke out unexpectedly today. Captain America was also sighted in the surrounding area, but it has been Iron Man with the aid of Spider-Man that have gone up against this new threat. None of The Avengers have been seen in action since the events in Germany where the team of super heroes seemed intent on fighting each other due to their split views on the Sokovia Accords,” the reporter said while the fight continued on. 

Bucky couldn’t look away. He saw Iron Man get thrown about and the Soldier only too willing to keep pummeling him before Iron Man managed to get the upper hand again. Then, Spider-Man appeared, using his web to try and tie the Soldier up with no avail because the Soldier just ripped right through it which Bucky knew from personal experience to not be an easy feat. 

Bucky wanted to join them, to help them keep that Soldier from getting back to whoever was controlling him. It felt almost like his responsibility. That was the last soldier, there was no way there were others, and it was Tony out there fighting him with the help of a teenager. But Bucky knew he wouldn’t be able to get there in time. He could just watch. 

“The question now is,” a reporter said, “if this fight which has already caused a few injuries is happening with the sanction of the UN or for that matter the U.S. government. After all, the Sokovia Accords which were publicly signed and endorsed by Mr. Stark are strict on when and if any members of The Avengers can act when it comes to a threat.”

The news reporters discussed something else for a moment and brought up other headlines before returning to the fight and Bucky held his breath.

“They’re doing alright, right, Friday?” Bucky asked.

“Mr. Stark is fine. So is Mr. Rogers and Mr. Parker,” Friday said.

Bucky nodded to himself, but he still watched the screen intently and gasped when the Soldier threw Iron Man so far away that the camera didn’t even catch what he’d hit. Then, Steve appeared and he hit the Soldier with his shield. 

“It appears that Captain America has joined the fray,” the reporter said.

Bucky saw the Soldier hit by Tony’s repulsor beams and then simultaneously by the shield before Spider-Man threw in his web and they had brought the Soldier down. Suddenly, Natasha was running out with a team behind her. She looked winded and said something to Tony as the camera switched back to the reporter and Bucky could let out a breath. 

“It seems the fight is over and Iron Man and Captain America have saved the day, though no one yet knows what they were...”

Bucky turned off the TV. He didn’t need to listen to it any longer. 

\----

Tony pressed an icepack to his side where the Soldier had managed to hit him so hard that the suit itself was crushed against his ribs. It had made good work of bruising him and luckily hadn’t broken a rib. Peter was worse off. When they had got to him, he was already trying to fight the Soldier off, but the Soldier was just too strong. He was black and blue all over but healing far faster than Tony would. Still, Tony had sent him straight to bed with painkillers that he knew Steve would make sure he took. 

Tony had actually been surprised at how the Soldier seemed to be far stronger than even Steve. Remembering that this same Soldier had been coming after him when he was pregnant made Tony realize just how much danger he’d been in had it not been for Steve. They had managed to capture him again, but Tony didn’t know what their next step would be. Bucky had confirmed for them that there were no other Soldiers and while they didn’t know who might be behind the Soldier, there was no way they were getting that information from him. Either way, there was a lot more to worry about.

In the moment that he’d gotten the call from Coulson, Tony hadn’t even considered what might happen once they were out there. Then, he’d heard about Peter being involved and he hadn’t given anything much thought. Tony knew that Peter could handle himself of course, but he also knew that Peter was just a teenager and just learning what it took to be a hero. Tony didn’t even want to think about what might have happened to him if Friday hadn’t informed them that the Soldier was with Peter. 

The biggest problem was the coverage it had all gotten. Already the media was making a mess of things. Some were praising his work, and others condemning him and mentioning the Accords as if in an effort to collectively remind Tony that he’d screwed up. In the moment there had been no time to think about The Accords or the proper way of doing things. Tony had always known it would come to something like this. He was glad that Natasha had at least kept out of it until the very end and that she could try and speak to the council on their behalf.

“Peter’s sleeping,” Steve said. He’d changed back out of his uniform and he was holding a bottle of Advil towards him. Steve looked tired.

“Nat is dealing with the UN,” Tony said, “this isn’t good. You’re not – it’s not good for me, but it will be worse for you.”

He reached for the bottle and then grabbed the water bottle that Steve handed him next. The UN council might forgive Tony, and accept that his involvement had been necessary but they wouldn't be happy with Steve’s part in all of it considering they had no idea he was even back in the United States. It wouldn’t even matter that the charges had been dropped, he still hadn’t signed the Accords. 

“Whatever it is,” Steve said, “we’ll deal with it together. I’m not running away, Tony.”

Tony swallowed down a couple of pills and nodded. He knew that it was probably a good idea to head to bed, but he just couldn’t imagine being able to just fall asleep. His mind was wired. 

“Come on,” Steve said, “I think you need to go to bed too.”

Tony shook his head. “No,” he said, “I’m going to wait for Nat to call.”

Steve fixed him with a look, but he didn’t push, instead he headed to the door. Back when they were together, he would have just picked Tony up and taken him to their bed and made him lay with him even if he didn’t sleep. Even before they got together, Steve had done things like that. Everything was so different and awkward and Tony didn’t like it. 

“Steve,” Tony said, making him stop and turn back, “you read the Accords right? The new ones?”

Steve stepped back into the workshop. “I did,” he said, “I still don’t think they’re right. Just – okay, so consider today. What would the protocol have been in a case like that? You stop and call the UN to get the council to approve sending even just one of us in to stop the Soldier? I mean, how long does that take? How many lives, how much destruction happens in the time in between? And it’s something that we can prevent. What if they say no? What if they don’t think we should help? It’s just – this doesn’t work.”

Tony knew he had a point. He knew there were flaws and yet there was so much else that made them worth it.

“Look,” Steve said and he sat down on one of the stools near the one where Tony had propped up his legs, “it took a lot of thinking and it probably helped when I finally read them, and I can see the appeal. After Ultron we all – we blamed you. So, I get it, I understand why you’d want something to hold you accountable, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t allowed to make our own choices about what we do. We have the means whether the super serum or special training, or gadgets and suits have given that to us, and we have to have the responsibility necessary.”

“But that doesn’t mean that we can just break all the rules,” Tony said, “when we went to Sokovia we left destruction in our wake and those people they blame us for that. You and the team in Lagos. I know these things are accidents or not what we want to do, but we’re directly responsible. SI and I have done a lot to help with relief and rebuilding but even that some of these people do not want from me – from The Avengers. If someone doesn’t want me to save them then I can’t. The first rule they teach when you learn CPR is to ask the person if they want you to help them. Steve, the world isn’t black and white. It isn’t yes or no.”

Steve stared at him for a while and then he frowned. “You’re scared,” he said, “are you scared you’ll do something like creating Ultron again? Is that what this is about?”

Tony shook his head. “No, no, it’s about respecting the wishes of the world we want to protect. It’s about not being the ones with blood on our hands.”

“So instead millions or more will die when we can’t intervene,” Steve said, “and we will stand aside and watch that happen because a council of people with agendas – and don’t say they don’t have them – decide we can’t help. That’s cruel. It’s being a bystander. It’s the place from where evil grows. How much more will they hate us when we have all the means to help but we don’t?”

“Then we need to fix the accords,” Tony said, “then we have to make them better. You told me we’re alike, Steve, and you’re right. I could never live with myself if I couldn’t help someone that I knew I’d be able to save.”

“I know,” Steve said and he groaned, “I know. I get it, Tony, I do, I just – even this amended version – it isn’t something that will work in the long run.”

Tony was starting to realize that. No, he had known that. He had always known that the Accords wouldn’t work in the end. There was a difference between knowing that and wanting them desperately to be what they needed. 

“There has to be something better,” Steve said, “something that will reassure the UN and the people that wanted this in the first place but that will let us act without needing to activate a phone tree.”

Even back after they’d first met, they had always worked well together. Tony found himself wishing that this was how things had gone when the Accords were first presented to them. Instead, they hadn’t had the chance to get any time to just speak to each other. Everything had happened so fast. Maybe if they had been given the time and a chance to really discuss everything things might not have ended as they did. 

“So we use this as an example,” Tony said, thinking quickly, “everything that happened – that was us stopping a threat. They have to know those will happen and that we can’t wait to act. Steve, if we change this, if we can manage to make the kind of changes you want, will you support it with me? It’ll make a difference, you know it will.”

Tony looked towards Steve and he didn’t try to expect too much, but he was starting to realize that working with the Accords was not going to be a walk in the park, and that if they stayed the way they were even after all the amendments that Natasha and Pepper had made, that they would have the same issues time and time again when the next threat appeared. But they couldn’t work freely, they couldn’t just use their own judgment all the time. 

“I – I think I could do that,” Steve said.

“This isn’t – Steve, I won’t hold it against you if you can’t do this – don’t say yes if it’s only because you don’t want to go against me,” Tony said quickly, because it was the last thing he wanted.

Steve shook his head. “No, Tony, no, I think we’re on the same page when it comes to this, finally.”

\---

Steve was surprised when Bucky showed up after he’d finally convinced Tony that he definitely needed to rest and Tony walked up the stairs with him into Arthur’s room where they watched their sleeping son for a while before Tony finally went to his bedroom. 

“I saw on the news,” Bucky said, “Friday told me you were all back. I had to come. What happened? How is Tony? How’s Peter?”

Steve couldn’t help but smile. This was all he’d ever wanted, to have his best friend become involved in the lives of the rest of the people that he now considered his family. 

“They’re alright,” Steve said, “the trouble is going to be dealing with the UN and what today’s actions mean for the Accords. Tony wants – well, he wants us to request a change on the terms. I said I’d back him up on it.”

“Good,” Bucky said, “because, Steve, you can’t rely on your own judgment. I would know. Mind control is – well, apparently it isn’t hard. How is everything else between you two? Patching things up?”

Steve shrugged his shoulders. He really didn’t know, but he was hopeful. All the time they spent together meant everything to Steve and he knew that slowly Tony might warm up to the fact that Steve wasn’t leaving and that he wanted nothing more than to earn Tony’s trust back. 

“I think we’re getting there,” Steve said just as he heard Arthur begin to cry.

Bucky still hadn’t had the chance to meet Arthur mostly because whenever he was over at the house he was down with Tony at the workshop and because Arthur tended to nearly always be asleep when Bucky was over. Steve knew that Tony had no problem with their baby meeting Bucky, so he motioned for his best friend to follow him up the stairs.

“Prepare for something very adorable,” Steve said as he opened the door and stepped inside.

Arthur was crying but quieted down a bit as Steve approached. He reached in for Arthur immediately and bought him to his chest. 

“So, this is Arthur,” Bucky said and he moved closely cautiously and Steve turned Arthur in his arms so that he was facing Bucky.

“Art, this is your uncle Bucky,” Steve said.

Bucky grabbed one of Arthur’s flailing hands and smiled at the baby.

“There’s a lot of Tony there,” Bucky said, “but I can see he has your eyes and your chin. He’s beautiful. Who would have thought.”

“Hey,” Steve said with a grin and then checked Arthur’s diaper which was a bit damp. Not enough for him to have woken up because of it. 

It meant that he probably needed food. In fact at that moment, he began to fuss again, unhappy that he hadn’t gotten what he wanted immediately.

“Come on, I think he’s hungry,” Steve said.

Unlike Tony, and Steve didn’t know if Tony was just playing with him or not, he couldn’t tell what Arthur needed by his cries. Tony claimed that he could differentiate between them and since he did seem to be right most of the time, Steve couldn’t figure out if it was luck or if he was telling the truth. 

They ran into Tony in the hallway. 

“Pepper just called,” Tony said, “they want to see us tomorrow morning first thing. So, she and Nat are coming over and I told them to try and get T’Challa here as well. We need to figure this out tonight. Oh, hey, Buck, when did you get here?”

Steve sighed. “You need to rest, Tony,” he said, “before we went out there I think you hadn’t slept in at least twenty four hours. Go to bed.”

Tony rolled his eyes. “I’ll go to bed when I know that Arthur won’t have parents who have been thrown in the raft. I just need some coffee.”

Steve didn’t try to protest again because even though he didn’t want to dwell on it, the possibility that he and Tony would be in deep trouble was very possible. They had a son to think about.

“I guess we’re staying up all night then,” Bucky said, “lets feed Arthur something first. He has that face you make when you’re starving. It’s cute on him.”

“Funny,” Steve said, but continued down the stairs and towards the kitchen. Tony was already brewing coffee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not sure when the next chapter will be. It's the last week of my class next week so I have a lot to do for that and just a bunch of other things I've taken on so it all depends on time and I hope I can get the next one up in about a week, but it could be a bit longer a wait. 
> 
> This and other chapters can also be found at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/148413413038/cosmic-love-part-fifteen-still-i-follow)


	16. Some Things You Let Go In Order To Live While All Around You, The Buildings Sway You Sing It Out Loud, "Who Made Us This Way?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone still reading this. You guys are lovely. So I really did meant to try and post this chapter last week. I actually had it all written by last Tuesday but windows 10 likes to update itself without letting me know - literally when my laptop is on sleep mode - and so I'll open the lid to keep writing/being on the web and the computer will start booting up and then when I go into word it doesn't autorecover anything even though I have all the options set up to do so. On some occasions I can manage to find the file by searching for it, but other times not so much so I lost a scene and everything I had edited which did set me back a bit. On the upside, it didn't make me lose my last bit of homework that I handed in last week. And I finally got around to really finishing this chapter last night. 
> 
> I really enjoyed writing a lot of this chapter, I should add. It's hitting on certain things pertaining to the accords that I've wanted to get to for a while. So I hope you like it. 
> 
> Chapter's title comes from Florence and the Machine's "Various Storms and Saints"

Tony couldn’t have imaged that he’d be trying to change The Accords so soon after Natasha and Pepper had worked to amend them, but it was the position they were in, and Tony didn’t think that things were going to go well. But in the end, he knew that it was going to come to this eventually. After all, the UN could never foresee the future. They could never be so sure that they wouldn’t make costly mistakes. Tony had always supposed that they would come crumbling down once the world began to appreciate the work that The Avengers and others like them did for the world. It was all PR and Pepper had managed to persuade the media to make a good portrayal of what occurred in New York with the Soldier. He really didn’t pay her enough. 

The council that had been put together to oversee The Accords was made up of King T’Challa, Natasha, and eight other members that represented one country or another. This council was responsible for dealing with The Accords and everyone that signed them. They reported to The United Nations. Somewhere Friday had a file on each of them detailing enough information about their lives and what they stood for, but Tony had found nothing of interest there. Each of the members weren’t any kind of threat – not like Ross would have been and a combination of how badly things had gone during the “war” and Ross’ obvious interest in the super soldier serum had made it only too easy for Natasha to guarantee that he wasn’t on the council. He wasn’t even the Secretary of Defense anymore due to some other political situations that Tony may or may not have indirectly influenced. Actually, no Americans actually sat on the council and Tony preferred it that way. President Ellis probably hated it. 

It was going to be an interesting meeting to sit with the council and decide what would happen next. Tony didn’t want to do away with The Accords all together. There was a reason that he had been so ready to sign them and it wasn’t just because the thought of retiring scared him, but because The Avengers had existed as a creation of Shield once which had had its flaws – one of them being the whole Hydra thing – but the essential idea was that the members of The Avengers weren’t free to just do as they liked. Of course the World Council and Shield itself had been corrupt and Tony would never forget how they tried to nuke New York, but they had the right sentiment, or at least Director Fury had, when it came to the formation of the team in the first place.

Fury had held the reigns since they were his team, and he still had a huge say, but that had fallen apart when Shield fell. Then, Tony had picked up the bill, privatized them, and there was no one to answer to. Things hadn’t ended well. They made mistakes. Ultron happened. The media and the world pointed their fingers at them and blamed them for death and destruction. Tony couldn’t disagree that it had happened on their watch and that he was so directly responsible. 

He sat down in the conference room chosen for the meeting and Steve took the seat on his right with Sam. To Tony’s left was Vision and then Wanda followed by Rhodey, Clint, Scott, and Bruce. The team was a united front. It was what Tony had envisioned when Ross first approached him: all of them standing together in their decision. Of course, things hadn’t gone that way. 

“Is everyone present?” one of the UN council members said and after a moment of nods, “we can begin.”

“Yesterday an event happened in New York City that was not sanctioned by this council,” another member said, “in fact no one except for Natasha Romanoff was informed of what occurred until hours after the event. The news knew before any of us. This is a direct refusal to work with The Sokovia Accords. This meeting is a preliminary step towards a trial, Mr. Stark, as you have signed and read what the Accords expect of you, and you clearly have disregarded everything stated there.”

They seemed to stare him down as if waiting for him to just agree to a trial. 

“Then we have failed,” Tony said, “we have failed at the intent of The Accords which are not to allow atrocities to occur due to red tape, but to assure that The Avengers and other individuals possessing special abilities are working within jurisdiction and within lawful parameters. Would a police officer be in a hearing for adhering to his or her duties in protecting citizens? What occurred yesterday was the appearance of an enhanced brainwashed individual who would do anything to achieve his end goal. Captain America, Black Widow, and I worked to stop and contain him and stop the destruction of people and infrastructure. We achieved that goal.”

The council was silent for a moment. Natasha and King T’Challa seemed to be waiting for someone else to make a response first. 

“Not before someone got hurt,” a balding man said, “multiple people suffered injuries.”

“And how many more might have gotten hurt if not for Mr. Stark’s quick work at tracking and capturing the threat,” King T’Challa said, “how many more might have gotten hurt if he stopped to wait on this council to allow him to go after that man?”

Tony looked from one council member to another. They didn’t seem like unreasonable people, and Tony knew that Natasha and Pepper had done their homework on them before they allowed them to become appointed to the council. 

“The fact remains that Mr. Stark broke his agreement with the UN,” a small thin woman said, “we are not here to argue semantics on what might or might not have happened.”

“Then The Accords should be amended,” Tony said.

She made a clicking sound, “they have already been changed,” she said, “the terms were clear and from the signatures that we have from some of you, agreed upon.”

“Well, then is this council prepared to drag us back here every time we need to save a life but don’t have the time to call and catch up?” Tony asked and stared them down, “is this the purpose of the council, or the UN?”

He had been warned about how the UN worked. After all, it had taken Natasha and Pepper months of long discussion and work to get the Accords amended in the first place. Making bigger changes would probably take even longer. It would be worth it though. They needed something that wouldn’t tie their hands to tightly together that it felt like they were teenagers living with overbearing parents that didn’t even want them visiting their friend’s houses. 

The same woman from before spoke again: “Some form of notification should have been granted to this council prior or during the events in New York.”

“The possibility,” Vision said, “excuse me council, but the probability that quick action may be needed from us is high. The Avengers are not often involved in small crimes or the like, but we often cannot predict the arrival of a foe of strange or unusual ability that will require our attention. It is my proposition that this council need not be alerted by The Avengers, but need to have the same level of alertness put to these events that have been occurring around the world.”

Tony watched them take in Visions words. He could tell that they were a bit unnerved by Vision and the way that he looked and spoke and even moved. 

“I agree,” another council member said, “but the council has not been made privy to information that might help make us aware of what might be happening.”

“Vision makes a good point,” Natasha said, “and as someone that was present during the events of yesterday I can add that my concern was with getting civilians out of harm’s way rather than making a call.”

The council seemed to be taking it all in. Then one of them nodded. “We do not wish to make it seem like saving lives is the problem or that we do not value to involvement of The Avengers, but this is the first time that The Avengers have acted since signing The Accords and it did not work.”

“Exactly,” Tony said, “so they need to be changed again.”

“I agree that Ms. Romanoff’s actions were in line with what The Accords are meant to accentuate which is saving lives. No one died yesterday. There were minor injuries. Mr. Stark and Ms. Romanoff did their jobs,” a man with a slight accent said, “my concern is the involvement of Mr. Rogers and the superhero with the moniker Spider-Man. Neither of them have signed The Accords. Their actions are those of vigilantes which we cannot condone.”

Tony had known they were going to get to that. Natasha had assured him that they wouldn’t make too much of a fuss over his involvement aside from making a show of telling them off, but that Steve’s and even Peter’s involvement would bother them far more. It was where Steve being willing to do his part came in. Tony also hoped that it might make it easier for them to not question them about Peter or his identity. Back when Tony had recruited him, Tony hadn’t bothered with making him sign The Accords and then later he decided it was a good thing. Either way, Peter was a minor. He deserved to not be as involved as the rest of them. 

“It is this council’s understanding that Captain America has not signed The Accords. In fact, we are sure that you oppose them, Mr. Rogers,” the same man with the accent said. 

Tony looked towards Steve and he gave a quick encouraging nod. 

“I have signed them,” Steve said and out of a small bag produced the same version of The Accords that was covered in Steve’s writing, notes, and the occasional drawing. 

Tony felt something strange go through him. It was pride maybe, or hope. A part of him had feared how this would go. He had wondered if Steve would stick to the script and go along with Tony’s plan. He hadn’t known that it would feel good to finally see Steve put trust in what Tony needed him to do for the good of all of them. It also felt a little bit disheartening because Steve shouldn’t ever have to put aside his own wishes and his own strongly held beliefs and yet he was doing it for Tony. For the team. 

Someone on the council gasped. 

“I signed them a few days ago,” Steve said, “and while I have done this I cannot say I agree with everything within these pages. Someone told me that it was dangerously naïve to think I knew better, and it’s taken me some time to realize that my mistakes can be costly, but that does not stop me from petitioning this council to allow for further amendment of The Accords. The Avengers are here to help – we are together in our conviction to be the Earth’s protection, but we are not children that need to be put on a leash. If this is to work we must trust each other. We must work together.”

Tony felt like the last few sentences were meant more for him than the council and he found himself nodding a little. It felt different to be on the same page and not the polar ends of the argument. From looking at the council, they seemed a bit surprised too, but not in a bad way. Tony knew then, that they would probably go along with what they wanted. 

\---

“How do you think it’s going?” Peter asked.

Bucky who was bouncing Arthur on his lap shrugged. “I have no idea,” he said, “but I think they have a good chance of getting the UN to change things.”

Peter nodded. He was flipping through choices in movies from Tony’s own digital library but couldn’t find anything that caught his eye. He was too worried about what might be going on at the UN meeting and wishing that Tony had let him go with him. Instead, he’d been left behind with Bucky to babysit which wasn’t exactly torture either. 

Arthur giggled and reached towards Bucky’s hair. Bucky kept his hair up in a bun most days, but there were always stray pieces that fell out and Arthur seemed to have a penchant for pulling on them. 

“Nope,” Bucky said, “you can pull your old man’s hair but not your uncle’s.”

Arthur just cocked his head in confusion and put his fist to his mouth. 

“What are we watching, Spiderling?” Bucky asked.

“Have you seen any of the Harry Potter movies?” Peter asked as he came across the first one.

Bucky shook his head. 

“Marathon it is then,” Peter said, “it’s only eight movies. Hey, Friday, do we have any popcorn?”

“We do,” Friday said.

“Awesome,” Peter said, “I’ll be right back.”

It didn’t take him long to find a couple of bags and put them in the microwave. He dumped them into bowls and grabbed a couple of water bottles before heading back out to the movie room which Tony hadn’t bothered to show him until earlier in the day when he was telling him that he and Bucky were staying with Peter. 

It was a mini movie theater. It needed a bit of sprucing up since it wasn’t as modern as it could have been, but it was also in decent shape and had the newest technology where it counted. 

Bucky had moved down to sit on the floor with Arthur lying on his back and playing with the mobile they’d brought down from his room. 

“Let the magic begin,” Peter said, “you’re going to love these movies. And so will you, Arthur. And when you’re old enough I’m going to insist on reading the books with you.”

Bucky smiled at him. “You’re taking the whole surrogate big brother thing seriously.”

“Well, I won’t ever really have a biological sibling and The Avengers – Tony especially – they’re family and I think Arthur could benefit from a big brother to show him the ropes.”

Arthur gurgled and reached out towards the tiny shield that hung from the middle of the mobile. 

Peter really hoped that everything would go like they wanted with the council and the UN. He pressed play on the movie and checked his phone to see if there were any updates. Aside from a text from a friend from school and Aunt May there was nothing else. 

\----

 

**Three Months Old**

Steve carried a tray with a pot of freshly brewed coffee, two mugs, and a plate of stacked pancakes into Tony’s workshop. Tony and Bucky didn’t even look up as he entered. Tony was busy working on Bucky’s newly attached arm and Bucky was watching him work. Tony was on his final touches, making sure that it was all going to work correctly and not directly bother Bucky in his use of it. 

In the few moments he and Bucky had had to talk about his old arm, Steve knew that it had been painful for him not just because of all the memories it brought to him but also due to the lack of care that had been put into maintenance. Hydra had cared only that it did the job and not how it felt to Bucky. Steve imagined that when they’d first put it on him that it had been even more painful but he didn’t want to push Bucky into talking about it.

“It feels better?” Tony asked, “nothing catching?”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “it’s good.”

“Well, I’m not so much interested in biological engineering but the way they created the base of your old arm to connect to all your nerves and tendons is amazing for the time when it was made,” Tony said, “now move your hand and fingers, we need to make sure I connected everything right.”

Steve watched them from the door for a moment as Bucky did what he was told and Tony grinned when everything worked perfectly. He looked proud of himself. 

“So I take it the two of you weren’t planning on breakfast?” Steve asked.

“That’s why we have you, Steve,” Tony responded without even looking at him because he was still focused on the arm.

Steve set down the tray at one of the other tables. “Well, you should eat. You’ve been down here all night and I know you didn’t have dinner.”

“Ever since he became a father, he’s taking to nagging, hasn’t he, Buck?” Tony said, finally looking towards Steve. 

“No, that’s always how he’s been,” Bucky said and he grinned at Steve.

Things were better. Every day they got better. He and Tony hadn’t had any further conversation about their relationship or lack of one, but their friendship was getting to a better point. Steve was actually perhaps happier to see their friendship return to really want to wish for more. 

Steve also knew that Tony had finally forgiven Bucky because he’d invited Bucky to live at the mansion. He’d done it while using numerous excuses, but in the end it meant that Tony did trust Bucky to be there with them and certainly to spend time with Arthur on his own. It probably also had to do with how Bruce, Fitz, and Simmons had finished the neuro-blocker. They had even tested it by saying the words after they put it in Bucky’s brain, and it seemed to be working. Now they were in the process of building another one to put into the Soldier’s brain to see if they could get some answers from him. If they didn’t, he was going to The Raft. 

Tony pat Bucky’s new arm before moving towards the table holding the coffee and pancakes. He helped himself to a mug of coffee into which he added too much sugar. 

“At this point I’d call his arm done,” Tony said.

“And it’s better than the other one. It’s lighter and easier to move and use. Feels a bit more like having my own arm and not just something like a weapon,” Bucky said as he joined them.

Bucky didn’t take a coffee, but he ate one of the pancakes and yawned while he ate. 

“Even for me staying up all night didn’t feel that great. I think I’m going to bed. Thanks, Tony,” he said and as he left, Steve thought he saw him wink at him. Steve fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

Bucky was always trying to leave him alone with Tony which was good, if he wasn’t so blatant about it. Tony had caught on after the second time it happened, but because he was Tony he’d found the whole thing hilarious but he hadn’t tried to stop Bucky yet, so Steve thought they were definitely in a better place.

“You should probably get some sleep too,” Steve said.

Tony rolled his eyes. “You bring me coffee and then tell me to go to bed. Steve, I’d say you had other motives for getting me to a bed, but you’re too noble for that.”

Steve felt his cheeks get warm. Tony’s smile turned into a smirk before it hid into his mug as he took a huge gulp of his coffee. 

“I don’t know if you’re recalling the past wrong deliberately or not, Tones, but I wasn’t all that noble when it came to getting you to bed,” Steve said and watched as Tony spluttered on his coffee.

“Oh,” he said after recovering, “is that how this is, then?”

Flirting had always been easy with Tony in a way that Steve had never found it to be with anyone else. Steve had always been awkward with Peggy and even worse with any of the girls that Bucky had tried to set him up with before the war. Steve had been hopeless. Somehow, Tony with all his magnetism and charm had always been easy to speak to. Steve had never felt any qualms while they were arguing or butting heads at the beginning or when their friendship turned to teasing and playful flirting. Anything to do with Tony had always been much too easy. 

“Boss, Arthur is awake,” Friday said.

“I’ll get him,” Steve said, “you finish eating.”

Arthur had finally started sleeping through the night, but all that meant was that he woke up very early in the morning. It suited them fine considering the odd hours that everyone in the house kept. Steve was usually up an hour or so before Arthur normally woke up and Tony could be on a bender of working in his workshop or catching up on sleep. But even if the two of them weren’t up there was always Bucky or Natasha or Vision ready to get Arthur. 

Arthur wasn’t crying yet. He was just staring up at his mobile, his blue eyes following the representation of each Avengers member. 

“Hi, Art,” Steve said, “did you have a good sleep?”

Arthur noticed him immediately and Steve could tell that he longed to be picked up and so swept him up into his arms. He went through the motions of changing him out of the dirty diaper and into new clothes all while talking to him.

“I bet you’re pretty hungry, huh, Peanut? Well, how about we get some food and then visit daddy and make him go to bed? Good plan?”

Arthur gurgled something. Steve kissed his rosy cheek and bounced him gently as he headed down to the kitchen. He found Tony there already preparing Arthur’s morning bottle. He turned as they appeared and smiled at the sight of Arthur. He didn’t take him from Steve but instead reached over to tickle Arthur’s tummy and grab a flailing hand before kissing his forehead. Their eyes met as he stepped away and Steve felt the urge to just kiss Tony, but he couldn’t just do that. He didn’t have any right to.

Tony turned away to finish the bottle and then handed it to Steve and where their fingers met Steve felt leftover warmth. 

“I was, um, I was thinking we could take him out to the compound,” Tony said, “in his three months of life he hasn’t left this house once.”

“Oh,” Steve said, “like today?”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, I – we could have a picnic or something. Now that I finished with Bucky’s arm there’s nothing that needs my immediate attention.”

Steve was about to point out that they could just as easily do that at the mansion what with the extensive grounds that surrounded it, but he could almost sense that Tony was suggesting it for a reason and Steve was still threading slowly so he nodded. 

“Yeah, we can do that.”

Tony grinned. “I think I’ll go take a nap, then, we can go this afternoon.”

Tony pressed a kiss to Arthur’s head and walked off and Steve didn’t know what to make of what had just happened. 

“As you’ll soon learn, Art, your dad can be a bit confusing, but that doesn’t mean we’ll ever love him any less.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. Hope you liked this one. 
> 
> You can also find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/149053412832/cosmic-love-part-sixteen-some-things-you-let-go)


	17. The Dog Days Are Over The Dog Days Are Done The Horses Are Coming So You Better Run

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been very busy taking care of puppies. My family actually just left for a weekend vacation and left me with two two month old puppies and their mom and dad so I've been busy with that and trying to find the time to post this chapter. But you should all be happy to know that we named the boy puppy, Captain. 
> 
> Anyway, this one was an interesting one to write. I hope you like it. Thanks for reading.

Tony was nervous. He was more nervous to go out on a small picnic with his son and Steve than he’d even been when he and Steve were going on their first date. When he got up to his room, it wasn’t as much to nap as it was to have a silent freak out and try to figure out if any of it was a good idea. He and Steve were getting on a lot better. Tony had been wary at first after their conversation, but as he’d come to really forgive Bucky and see him for the man he was, Tony had stopped holding it against Steve that he had wanted to desperately want to help Bucky. The lie wasn’t easy to let go of, but every show of trust that Steve gave him left Tony feeling like maybe they could be something again. 

Then, there was the time they were spending together. Hours in the workshop not even speaking. Steve bringing him food. Steve giving him his own time and not being pushy. Tony loved that man. He loved Steve. 

He laid down on his bed with no hope of a nap, but just to stare at his ceiling for a while and he found himself recalling another day in another bed when he’d been so conflicted. 

Tony touched his fingers to his lips. The kiss lingered there like a ghost and if Tony closed his eyes he could almost feel Steve’s hand on his waist and his breath sweeping over his lips in a released sigh after their kiss. 

His room still held reminders of Pepper. A half empty perfume bottle, her bathrobe laid over a chair, and other things like post-it notes and a small bottle of mascara. There was probably more, but it wasn’t Pepper that invaded his thoughts. Months had gone by since the last time Tony had seen her properly, but Steve had been at his side day in and day out. He understood Tony. Tony cared for him. He found him attractive. He could talk to him. Steve had kissed him.

Tony’s fingers fluttered on his lips and he breathed in and out. 

“…I can’t stop being who I am,” Tony had whispered after telling Steve about the break up. 

He’d been hiding it for too long, all throughout his plans for Ultron in a hope that maybe Earth’s protection could make Tony feel better about dropping the mantle of Iron Man like Pepper wanted and needed. 

Steve had shaken his head, amused as he stepped towards him and Tony considered stepping back because he couldn’t tell what Steve was thinking. 

Then, Steve’s hand had landed at his waist, drawing him in and Tony had relaxed. A hug. But Steve didn’t wrap his arms around him. No, instead his other hand went to touch Tony’s jaw and then he was leaning forward and his breath fell across Tony’s lips for a second as a warning before Steve’s lips were pressed against his, moving cautiously. He pulled away before Tony could kiss back.

“You shouldn’t have to,” Steve had muttered and it took moment too long to know what he was talking about. 

“I—” Tony began.

Steve shook his head. “I’ve wanted to do that for a long time, Tony, and it might be awful timing, but I wanted you to know.” He blushed, his cheeks a beautiful rosy pink and Tony didn’t know what to say.

Steve reached up to hold his face and he dropped a kiss to Tony’s forehead – something he’d done before so many times and yet had never held the same meaning before. 

“Don’t say anything. Just know I’m here and that I care about you.”

Then, he walked away, and Tony wandered back to his bedroom in a haze.

It hadn’t taken him long to decide because it had always been there, this lingering tension, right from the beginning. Attraction in such a deep level. Tony had spent the whole night thinking. He’d destroyed his room to rid himself of everything belonging to Pepper or that reminded him of her until he was having Friday buy him replacements for most things. Then, he’d remembered every moment. Every smile from Steve and every encouraging pat, and even the way he was the only one that knew what Tony needed at any given moment from food, to being dragged and tucked into a bed to sleep, to silent companionship for a movie or a walk, and so many other countless things. But Tony knew Steve just as well too. 

Tony smiled to himself remembering how early in the morning he had stumbled out of his room, rumpled and with his hair sticking in every direction, drawn to Steve’s floor. He hadn’t even knocked and just walked onto the floor and headed straight to Steve’s room.

“Steve, Steve. Come on, wake up,” Tony said.

Bleary eyed Steve looked up at him and sat up slowly. “Tony, what’s wrong?”

Tony just smiled and he moved closer, grabbing Steve’s hand because it gave him the courage he needed.

“I love you,” Tony whispered like a secret.

“You – I, Tony are you—”

“I’m sure. Now, budge, I haven’t slept a wink and it’s all your fault, so now you have to cuddle me.”

Steve had laughed, but made room in his bed and pulled Tony against him. Tony felt like it was right where he belonged. It was where he still belonged.

Before he knew it, Friday was reminding him that he had a picnic to go to. Tony was surprised at the announcement, but he got into the bathroom for a quick shower. By the time he was ready to go Steve had managed to make them lunch and packed a diaper bag for Arthur.

“I figured since you were napping that I’d get us started,” he said, “you can get Art.”

“Sure,” Tony said easily. Whatever worries he’d had about it were vanishing. This was Steve. It was him and Steve and everything was going to be fine. 

 

\------

Arthur was getting better at holding his own head up, but he wasn’t quite there yet. Still, as he laid on his stomach on the soft blanket they’d spread over the other picnic blanket, he seemed to be doing well enough even if he could just manage a few kicks and moving his arms about and not yet moving from any particular spot. It had been a bit of a disappointment to Bruce when Arthur didn’t show any advanced developments and seemed to be going at the same pace of a regular baby, but he was still convinced that some of Steve’s serum must have transferred to him. Steve didn’t know what to think. He just wanted Arthur to be happy and healthy. The outdoors seemed to agree with Arthur, who had admittedly spent some time outside but enough.

Tony picked Arthur up, propping him into sitting against his chest. Arthur cooed and smiled and turned his head towards Tony.

“Hi, Peanut,” Tony said, “wasn’t this a good idea?”

Arthur just stared but broke into a smile when Tony touched his sides. Steve who had brought his sketchbook with him began to draw without saying a word. There was nothing more beautiful than Tony with their baby. 

“I hope you’re managing to capture our good sides,” Tony said.

“I am,” Steve said with a roll of his eyes, “even though Arthur is perfect and both his sides are perfect.”

“Too true,” Tony said.

Tony laid back and Arthur rested against him, mouthing at his own hands but not reaching for any of the toys that Tony had left close to them. Steve kept drawing. 

Suddenly the crack of thunder made a loud noise. Arthur was startled and his face crumpled and then he was wailing. Steve looked up the sky. It was clear, no sign of even a cloud. Tony had gathered Arthur into his arms, soothing the baby with kisses and the sway of his arms. Then came the thunder again and just a few feet from their blanket fell a rainbow colored light – the bifrost bridge.

“Thor has excellent timing,” Tony said. 

Steve laughed. “We’ve been waiting on him for months. It’s about time he got here.”

As the light disappeared two figures were uncovered. One was indeed Thor, his blond hair drifting in the wind and Mjolnir held in one hand. The other was not from Asgard. He was red haired, wearing what looked to be a red leather jacket, and standing a bit shorter than Thor. Underneath their feet the grass had been burned with the mark of the bifrost.

“I don’t remember much from being a child,” the stranger said, “but it doesn’t look like it’s changed much.”

“Friends,” Thor said, “it’s good to see you again.” 

Steve and Tony stood up. “We’ve been waiting on you,” he said before Thor pulled him into a hug, “a lot’s happened since you left.”

“A lot for me as well, Cap,” Thor said as he turned towards Tony but paused before hugging him a lot gentler than he would have normally, when he spotted Arthur, “and I see there’s been an addition. I didn’t know male humans could carry babies.”

“They can’t,” the stranger said.

“A friend of yours caused this problem,” Tony said, “but it brought us a little miracle that has been worth everything so no grudges here. Who is your friend, then?”

The stranger stepped forward with his hand extended towards Steve first and after shaking it, Tony. 

“They call me Star Lord,” he said in all seriousness.

“His name is Peter Quill,” Thor said, “he calls himself Star Lord. We have a lot to discuss. Where is the rest of the team?”

“Not here, but we could get them all here. What’s going on Thor?” Tony asked. He bounced Arthur while Steve made work of picking up their picnic and slinging the baby bag over his shoulder before they began to walk to the main building. 

“It’s as I feared when I left,” Thor said, “someone is collecting the infinity stones. It is up to us and The Guardians of the Galaxy to protect this world and others.”

Steve felt in that moment like the day that Fury had handed him files and told him he was necessary in saving the world from an alien threat. He looked towards Tony. The color had faded from his face and he was holding onto Arthur so tightly that Arthur made a squeaking noise which was when Tony relented on his hold and rubbed a soothing hand down Arthur’s back. 

“Tony?” Steve asked.

He shook his head. “I’m okay,” he said, “I just didn’t expect something like this so soon.”

“I know,” Steve muttered.

\---

“Tony Stark has a son.”

“A new heir to the Stark fortune and Stark Industries.”

“Best kept secret: Tony Stark’s son.”

The headlines were endless. One after another and they kept popping up and Pepper who was the first to notice had not expected it to happen so quickly or for that matter so soon. She had expected it even less when the pictures and the video was not just of Tony and Arthur but of Tony, Arthur, and Steve. They looked like the happy family that she knew Tony had always wanted deep down. 

Pepper had made the choice long before she’d met Tony, perhaps sometime while she was still in high school, that children were not for her. She wasn’t interested in being mom, or a wife, or in any of the things that came with the care of small children, so much so that while Pepper had met and cooed over Arthur she hadn’t been quick to offer babysitting services. 

Tony was different. He had fooled Pepper at first with his adversity for small children, but then she could remember that he had always been nice and interested in the children that approached him even before he was Iron Man. Tony had just been excellent at hiding things from everyone. Pepper was happy for him. It didn’t make it any easier to see the man that she had once thought she was going to spend forever with, happy with someone else. Someone that had hurt him and that Pepper didn’t consider good enough. But Tony did. She could see it in the smile he had when he looked at Steve in the pictures. Tony might not know it yet, but he had forgiven Steve. 

She turned the volume up on the tv. 

“We don’t know who the mother is, but we can confirm that it is indeed Tony Stark’s son. He has a son. Spotted outside of the Avengers facility a drone managed to capture footage earlier today of Tony Stark and Steve Rogers with the little tyke whose name is still unknown. It seems that some kind of truce must have been reached between Captain America and Iron Man for them to be having a friendly picnic. Lately Stark has been mentioned in the news for going against The Sokovia Accords which a source tells us are under amendment once more. We have reached out to a representative for the superhero and new dad but have yet to receive word. It seems that Stark was planning on keeping silent on his new parenthood, but nothing can be kept secret forever. We wish Mr. Stark all the best in the bringing up of his son even with all the questions that this has left us with,” The woman on the screen said and then turned to face another woman. 

“Indeed. It’s the question of who this baby’s mother is and if she’s even in the picture. After splitting with Stark Industries CEO, Pepper Potts over a year ago, Mr. Stark has not publicly dated anyone but that is not to say that the former or current playboy hasn’t been involved with anyone since that split. I guess time will tell, but so far no one has come forward to disclose any information.”

Pepper scoffed. The rumors would be running rampant, but Pepper knew she couldn’t have a statement out yet. It was a waiting game. First she needed to make sure that Tony had been informed. For all she knew he was still out there on that picnic with no knowledge. 

They had gotten lucky at least that the drone hadn’t stayed long and that it hadn’t managed to get too close to Tony, Arthur, and Steve for fear of immediate detection. 

The phone rang a few times before Tony picked up.

“Hey, Pep,” Tony said, “guess who just showed up?”

“Tony, I don’t have time for games, have you seen the news or been online at all?”

“No,” Tony said, “why? What happened?”

Pepper sighed. “A drone got some video and pictures of your picnic. The world knows you have a son.”

“Shit,” Tony said.

Pepper almost laughed. “Earlier than expected, but Tony, we’ll go ahead with the plan.”

Tony didn’t say anything for a moment and then, “yeah, alright. I’ll let Steve know. Thank you for calling.”

After she got off the phone, Pepper pulled up the pre-drafted e-mails that would go out to their PR person to use as a response. Everything else was already set out there for confirmation of the “facts”. She just hoped that none of this affected everything going on with the UN council. 

So far they had been more than willing to work with them. They had the public on their side, after all, but this might make things a bit difficult.

\---

“What happened?” Steve asked.

Tony who had just slammed his phone on the table looked up. Steve was holding a sleepy Arthur to his shoulder, frowning a bit.

“Reporters got pictures of Arthur,” Tony said, “they’re going to be everywhere. We have a prepared statement that will be released later today. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be so soon.”

Tony could tell that Steve didn’t know how to respond.

“It’s just,” Tony said, “I was that child once that grew up with a somewhat famous father. It was difficult and Howard wanted me to be seen, I think, he wanted to show off his mini-me.”

Steve rubbed a hand down Arthur’s back. “Well, that’s not what we’re doing here. There will be pictures because it is an evil we’ll just have to face, but we will protect Arthur from all of this no matter what we have to do.”

Tony nodded. “I know,” he said, “but I just – even when we don’t place any expectations on him and even when we don’t make him feel inadequate they will. They made me feel that way.”

“Well, then, we will just have work hard to make sure he knows that we love him no matter what. Tony, you are not Howard.”

Tony knew Steve was right. “I, um, I guess I should tell you that officially his name will be Arthur Roger Stark.”

Steve’s lips quirked into a smile and then he shook his head. “You snuck Roger in there,” he said, “even when you didn’t have to.”

“He is your son,” Tony said, “even if it’ll be a little while yet before anyone knows that and we can change it then.”

“Oh,” Steve said, but he smiled wide.

“I mean, officially we’ll need to claim that you are adopting him, but as long as he knows the truth it doesn’t matter, does it?”

Steve shook his head. He walked over to Tony and leaned down to press a kiss to his forehead. Tony smiled up at him. 

They were interrupted by Thor. 

“What is this?” Thor asked, holding yet another copy of The Accords, “what have I missed?”

“You really have missed a lot, Thor,” Steve said.

It took them a while to explain everything including Bucky, Rhodey’s injury, the addition of Ant-Man and Spider-Man, as well as the Soldier they had recently recaptured and all the changes they were trying to bring to the Accords. 

Star Lord whistled. “Drama,” he said and then, “so these Accords, would they need to be abided by when it comes to these out of Earth matters?”

“No clause on that,” Tony said, “so no.”

“Well, not unless the threat comes here,” Steve said, “then we have to abide by them.”

“Or not,” Tony said, “because hello alien threat – who else is going to deal with it.”

Steve tried not to smile, but he couldn’t hide how pleased it made him to hear that Tony would easily defy the accords. They were in such a better place when it came that topic. 

“Anyway,” Tony said, “that’s everything that happened here more or less.”

It was interesting to take a look back at everything that had happened since Thor left Earth. It felt to Tony, at least, a bit like how it might feel to let go and put things behind him. It helped that there was a new threat and something new to worry about. It was that, that reminded him that Thor had left a few weeks before he and Steve got together. So why hadn’t he been more surprised that they had a baby. 

“Wait, did Jane tell you about me and Steve?” Tony asked, “not that she would even know unless Pepper or Maria decided to gossip about us.”

“You are meant to be,” Thor said as if it was common sense, “it’s probably why you were granted the ability to procreate.”

Tony looked at Steve and then back at Thor but he didn’t know what to say.

“You have loved each other since you met,” Thor said, “you were drawn together. That is just fact.”

Tony couldn’t refute it. He had been drawn to Steve. It had started way back when he was a child and he was listening to his father or Aunt Peggy telling him stories about him. Steve had been his first crush later when he was a teen and he couldn’t help but find Captain America easy on the eyes even in those old black and white pictures that were probably still in some box in storage with the rest of his dad’s things. 

Meeting him after he’d come out of the ice had been strange and exhilarating but Tony had been so irritated by Steve and yet still fascinated. Naturally they worked well together. Then, they were easy friends and attraction had always been there in some form or another. 

When Tony’s eyes met Steve’s he knew that Steve had been thinking along the same line. He coughed. 

“So,” Tony said, making the decision to change topic, “you mentioned The Guardians of the Galaxy. Who are they?”

“That is me,” Peter Quill said, “and my team, it’s what we called ourselves.”

“Sort of like The Avengers, then,” Steve said, “good, it means that this won’t be just us against some alien threat we have no knowledge about.”

Peter Quill nodded. “Yup,” he said, popping the P.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/149053412832/cosmic-love-part-sixteen-some-things-you-let-go)


	18. And The Arms Of The Ocean Are Carrying Me And All This Devotion Was Rushing Out Of Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually had a hard time writing this chapter because by this point I know where it ends (in just two more chapters) but I couldn't figure out what else I needed to be able to really capture before then as things are basically almost closed up. But I think I like the end results. I am still having a bit of writer's block though so next chapter may be delayed due to that reason. 
> 
> anyway enjoy.

While they waited for the team to get to the compound, Steve put Arthur down for a nap and Tony busied himself looking through any media mention of Arthur. The topic was blowing up. It was trending all over social media both positively and negatively. Some people wondered about his capabilities as a parent, others were congratulatory, and then was the discussion of who the mother might be. 

“Looking at that stuff isn’t going to make this better,” Steve said, coming up behind him. 

“No, but I need to know what’s out there,” Tony said, “Pepper should be releasing a statement soon. At least this is easier to worry about than a threat in outer space.” Tony tried not to shudder. 

Despite everything, his mind just kept going to what Wanda had showed him way back when, all of The Avengers dead in space and he unable to do anything. Steve’s shield broken. The blame placed on his own shoulders. 

“Tony?” Steve asked.

“I don’t know if we can face whatever this is and win,” Tony admitted, “we don’t even know what it is, but it’s alien and last time I – the wormhole—”

“Oh, Tony,” Steve said and he dropped a hand to Tony’s shoulder, “we don’t even know what Thor wants us to do yet. We don’t know how bad this is. Don’t work yourself up yet.”

Tony scoffed. Steve was being too optimistic on purpose and Tony didn’t like it. He didn’t know the threat, but it was enough to know that it revolved around the infinity stones. They had caused enough trouble the few times that they’d come in contact with them, enough that Tony knew the idea of one single person or being collecting them was something to shudder to. In the end, it didn’t matter. Tony would never be able to leave well enough alone. He would never be able to step back and let everyone else go out there and try to protect the world. 

When the door to the compound opened and Natasha arrived with the rest of The Avengers in tow, Tony shook the thoughts away. They needed to really discuss things through first. 

“I called Clint in,” Natasha said, “he doesn’t get to be retired after choosing to help Cap.”

Tony almost laughed. Then he did laugh when Natasha was introduced to Peter Quill and he refused to use a name other than Star Lord. 

“Scott is coming too,” Sam said, “and we thought it best to get Hill, Coulson, and Fury in on it too so they’ll be on Skype probably. Cap said it was serious when he called.”

“So, the whole cavalry,” Tony said.

“King T’Challa will call up on Skype,” Vision announced, “I asked Friday to contact him.”

As he watched everyone begin to drop into the assembled chairs or pull up extra seats, Tony felt himself relax a little. They were all in it together. Bruce smiled at him as he looked around and Wanda gave him a nod. Peter had perched himself on the arm of Tony’s chair and he kept moving his legs or arms without much care and while the motion might have bothered Tony, it was somehow soothing. 

“Woah,” Peter said suddenly, “my friend Harry and Aunt May texted me about Arthur. How do they know about Arthur?”

“A drone, Pete,” Tony said, “we have to figure out how to keep them out of our airspace.”

Peter immediately began to brainstorm. There was a reason that Tony liked him so much. 

The last surprise to everyone was the inclusion of Bucky, but to Tony it was right. He was one of them and the last improvements on the arm meant that he was ready to truly join them as an Avenger. He just hoped that the UN and the U.S. government wouldn’t give them any problems mostly because Tony didn’t want to have to have his team of lawyers put to work yet again. It would be a tedious waste of time.

The last to arrive was Scott Lang and he showed up with the woman that Tony supposed was his girlfriend. He was just about to tell him that no significant others, but she fixed him with a glare.

“I’m The Wasp, Stark,” she stated. That was that. 

Friday set up the Skype calls on the tv and after some moments to greet each other the meeting began. 

“Friends,” Thor said, “new and old, I am glad you could join us for there are dark times ahead.” 

\---

Steve rocked Arthur to sleep while he tried to process everything that Thor and Star Lord had told them earlier that day. He hadn’t expected for his day to go the way it had. It had started out with a picnic and ended with talk about the destruction of the universe. Steve supposed that he should have expected something to happen – a new threat to appear to make everything more difficult. He pressed a kiss on Arthur’s head and gently laid him down in the crib. 

He’d become a bit fussy after they left the compound probably because he was woken up before his usual time. 

Steve closed the nursery door behind him a few minutes later and found Bucky leaning against the wall and waiting. 

“Hey,” Bucky said, “so end of the world.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Not if we stop it.”

“Yeah,” Bucky said, “I just wasn’t expecting everything that your alien friend had to tell us. It just seemed insane, you know, even despite everything that’s happened to us.”

Steve had forgotten that Bucky hadn’t been around for Thor at all and that he had no idea what Loki was like. Of course, it had maybe lessened his dislike for Loki to learn that he had only opened the portal in New York out of fear for Thanos. It didn’t make it okay that he had been pretending to be Thor’s father for as long as he had or how he had still caused Thor and the rest of the Avengers plenty of trouble and the deaths of many. 

They walked down the stairs and Steve could hear Tony’s voice along with Thor’s.

“So what happens,” Tony said, “if Thanos takes the stone from Vision? I mean what does that mean for him?”

“I don’t know,” Thor said, “I still feel that the stone is safest with him but it does make him a target. It makes us targets.”

Tony had of course already uploaded a bunch of information into files and he had full displays of these up around them. He had descriptions of the stones with as much information as Thor and Star Lord had been able to give them including their whereabouts. Steve didn’t know how accurate the last piece of information was, but they needed to definitely make sure that Thanos wouldn’t be able to get to the stones. 

“And we still don’t know where two of the stones are,” Tony said.

“Which could be a good thing,” Thor said.

“Do we have anything protecting the ones we know of?” Steve asked.

“The Nova Corp and the rest of the Guardians of the Galaxy are with the Orb,” Thor said, “Sif is retrieving the Aether and the Teserract is safe in Asgard. Vision has the fourth one. The question is whether Thanos knows where all the six are.” 

Star Lord scoffed. “Thanos has been using others to do the dirty work and try and get them for him, but he’s now doing everything himself and I don’t think they’re safe at all. We went against his lackey Ronan and that was bad enough, but Thanos will be worse. He is cosmically powerful. He is a titan and if he doesn’t know where they are he will know soon.”

“And then he’ll go after them,” Bucky said, “he’ll come after Vision.”

“Yes,” Thor said.

“And,” Steve said, “we don’t even have a plan of action aside from waiting to hear from Quill’s team.”

Their earlier meeting hadn’t been a waste of time. It had allowed them to catch up and really get all the details out of Thor and Star Lord but it didn’t help that they didn’t really know much about Thanos, just that they were right to fear him and that no one that had ever opposed him lived – that even his followers or allies feared him and were often killed for no reason other than because they had displeased the purple man on the throne. 

“I want to know why he wants them,” Tony said, pensive, and he’d said the same earlier, “I get that the stones are important – they’re powerful, a bit too much all things considered, but there has to be a motive there. I mean he’s this powerful alien that already strikes fear across the universe, so why does he want this power and why now. What is he trying to achieve.”

No one had any answers, not even Thor.

“Loki said something about courting Death,” Thor said.

Star Lord shrugged his shoulders. “Well as fun as this is,” he said, “I’m beat. Stark, you mentioned a bedroom?”

Tony nodded. “Friday will show you the way.”

Steve felt tired too. He hadn’t expected the curveball that came with the arrival of Thor. He hadn’t been too focused on the next fight or the next thing that was coming their way and Steve found himself feeling a bit like the overworked employee that was told he needed to also do overtime. He’d never felt such a need to just stop before and yet there it was. 

“We should all go to bed,” Thor said, “fresh heads in the morning.”

He didn’t even ask Tony for a room and instead followed Friday’s instructions as he walked up the stairs. 

Tony stood up as well and Steve saw him heading not for his room for the workshop so he stopped him. 

“Nope,” he said, “I don’t know how many nights of sleep you lost for Bucky’s arm but you are getting some sleep tonight.”

“I’m with Steve on this one, Tones,” he said.

Between the two of them they got Tony to head up to his room and while Bucky walked off to his own bedroom, Steve wandered back down to the living room, picking up Tony’s tablet. He was wondering about the two stones that hadn’t made an obvious appearance yet. Somehow there seemed to be a connection to Earth for most of them save for the orb and even then that one had ended up coming across Peter Quill who was part human, so was it possible for them to be somewhere causing trouble within their own soil? Steve had to consider that it was possible. 

He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep, tired at he was, so he stayed on the couch and looked at the projections that Friday had left up. 

\---

Sleep wasn't possible. Tony stared at his ceiling as if willing for it to give him the answers that he required. But there was nothing there. Earlier in the day things had been simpler. His biggest worry had been a picnic with Steve and not the fate of the world and the universe. He wished he'd gone down to his workshop instead of trying to get some sleep like Steve and Bucky had wanted him to do. What had made him reconsider was that he didn't actually have anything that needed immediate attention and that he really did need sleep. Of course, it wasn’t something that was coming easily.

Tony let out a breath and then he sat up. He got up and didn't bother to change from his rarely used pajamas which he’d changed into mostly because after lying on his bed in only his underwear for half an hour he’d gotten bored. He threw on a robe and slipped his feet into slippers and headed out of his room. 

There were voices coming from one of the rooms he passed. It sounded like Natasha, Clint, and Thor. For a moment he considered joining them but he wanted to step away from the topic and he could tell it was what they were discussing.

He walked down the stairs and saw the remnants of their earlier discussion. They still had so much to decide and prepare for. Tony didn’t even know how they could. He didn’t know if they were suited for any of it.

"Tony," Steve said and Tony jumped.

Steve was on the couch with a tablet held in one hand.

"So you make me go to bed but you stay down here," Tony said and moved to sit down next to him. "What's up?"

Steve let out a breath. “Figured I’d be tossing and turning,” he said, “do you remember during the whole Ultron thing you told me that I’d understand not wanting to keep fighting one day. I think today’s that day. I was – I don’t know, but when I first came out of the ice I didn’t want anything to do with this world. Then came the Avengers and Shield and I had something to do – something to give me meaning, it helped that it brought me friends. It brought me you. And it was enough, it’s all been enough for so long and now I just have to wonder if it’s even worth it. No, that’s not it. I have to wonder if I have it in me to want to stay in the fight when there is so much else that matters more.”

Tony smiled at him. "Is it because of Arthur or because of something else? Because I think we established how much neither of us is willing to stop. I’ve tried it a few times, you know."

Steve shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's knowing that there's a lot more at stake now and that he would be on his own if anything happened to either of us. I don't know, Tony, but I just can't help but wonder if there will ever be a time when we can just be and when we can have peace in some way or another."

Tony couldn't help but laugh. He had never expected for Steve to ever want what could be considered a normal, ordinary life.

"We'd get bored pretty quick," Tony said.

"Probably," he said.

"And there won't ever stop being something to keep fighting," Tony said, “and no way for even me to build an armor for the entire world or universe. But we have the means to make it okay for others to rest and to live.”

“I sound selfish,” Steve said.

Tony shook his head. “No,” he said, “you sound like someone that’s figuring out they’re not perfect.”

“I’ve always known that,” Steve said.

Tony nodded. “Yes, but you went from a scrawny little guy into bulging muscles super human with high morals and an image that told the world and perhaps even you that you make the right choices – that you have good judgment. I’m not disputing that it’s true some of the time, but you are still human and humans are selfish. I am very selfish. You just have to know when to allow yourself to be that way because living selflessly isn’t the way either.”

Steve was watching him with something that looked like awe. 

Tony yawned. 

The truth was that he was tired. Weary of long days without any sleep and feeling like there wasn't much that he wanted to do. His workshop didn't draw him in like it did sometimes and his mind wasn't running on restless ideas. Tony always ended up like that every once in a while, it meant that his body and mind really did want him to get some rest. 

"Get sleep, Tony," Steve said.

Tony looked at him. Steve looked tired too but in a different way. Maybe it was the burden of knowing there was something to face and to fight or just all the other thoughts that seemed to be running through his head. He would never be able to tell. 

"Come to bed with me," Tony said before he could stop himself, "I think I'll sleep better if you're next to me."

Steve stared at him for a moment as if waiting for Tony to change his mind. Then he nodded. 

“Alright,” Steve said and he stood up and offered Tony his hand and Tony took it. 

\---

It was easy to get back into Tony’s bed even though they had never slept together on this mattress or that room. Steve supposed that it was just because it was all Tony around him in the room from the few books to all the tech even down to the smell of his sheets and pillows. 

Tony slipped in first, on the right side, but he didn’t stay there long, curling himself into Steve as soon as Steve had laid down. It felt to Steve like having found the final piece of a jigsaw. He kissed Tony’s forehead and Tony pulled his head back to look at him. 

“I love you, Steve,” Tony said before he pressed his lips hard against Steve’s and Steve reacted mostly on instinct, muscle memory that knew that when he was kissed by Tony he needed to kiss back. It was over before it even began and Tony pressed his forehead to Steve’s shoulder.

“I love you too, Tones,” Steve said.

“And I think I do forgive you,” Tony said in a whisper, “I think I forgave you a while ago.”

Steve hadn’t expected that. He had known that he and Tony were slowly traversing a friendship, but somehow he had never allowed himself to imagine that it meant Tony was forgiving him. He had thought that Tony was still trying to put it behind them.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen,” Tony said, “or – I don’t know, maybe I do. But I know that there’s never enough time.”

He sat up suddenly and sat by Steve’s side on the bed. “Look,” he said, “it isn’t because of Thanos. It’s really not. But it is because I never got to tell my dad goodbye and I never got to really tell my mom I loved her one last time and I know I love you. I’ve known that forever and I know you love me too. I know this and I don’t want to hold a grudge over something that is insignificant now.”

“Okay,” Steve said because he didn’t know what else he could say.

Tony laughed and he leaned down to kiss him again. Tony was a fantastic kisser. Steve got lost to it, to the sweep of Tony’s tongue on his lips and the way that Tony went from hard to slow in seconds and how his breath quickened when Steve took control. When they pulled away, Steve pulled him against his chest and drew the sheets and duvet over them.

“We both really do need some sleep,” he mumbled.

Tony nodded and pecked his chest before his fingers drew random patterns down Steve’s stomach until his hands just stopped and Steve could hear his evened breath. 

Steve felt lucky. He felt luckier than he had ever felt before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can also find this and other chapters over at [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/149802101407/cosmic-love-part-eighteen-and-the-arms-of-the)


	19. You Don't Need No Edge To Cling From Your Heart Is There, It's In Your Hands

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I actually had a hard time writing this chapter. I think it's because we're at the very end of the story and because I literally have no time. But I'm hoping I can get the next and final chapter done a bit faster especially since I have the last scene of the story already planned out. So, not entirely sure how I feel about this one. But I hope you guys like it anyway.

Tony sat next to Steve in the living room where all the displays from the day before were up again except that this time everyone that was available was present to see it all. The histories of each stone, the lore that Thor and Star Lord had brought with them and even Clint’s own account of the how the mind stone had felt went it messed with his mind. Tony had only left out Vision’s and Wanda’s relationship to the stone on Vision’s forehead mostly out of respect for Vision and because Wanda was a bit touchy still about the experiments Hydra had made of her and her deceased brother. 

“It’s ticking bomb,” Tony said, interrupting the silence that had settled on them, “and we don’t have the timer. Thanos is out there and he’s going to start trying to get the stones and maybe he is already but it’s a choice of going out there into space and trying to go against him or waiting here for him to come for Vision.”

He had woken up early the morning, overly warm in a way that he hadn’t been in too long, but he’d stayed in Steve’s arms while Steve slept and just let his mind wander and it had hit him suddenly that they were pre-warned. It wasn’t going to be aliens raining down on them unexpectedly but that they knew it was coming and they could do something about it.

Natasha scoffed. “What, we go to Thanos,” she said, “that’s a suicide mission.”

“I don’t think that’s the wisest move,” Star Lord said, “you’re all mostly human – it’s different out there.”

“But it won’t bring more destruction here,” Tony said, “and we can plan. We can have something solid prepared for confrontation.”

Steve was frowning too. “I don’t know, Tony,” he said, “we don’t really know what we’re facing. It’s too dangerous. We could just stay and prepare, protect the Earth.”

“What do you think, Thor?” Tony asked.

Thor had been mostly quiet all morning and Tony thought that he’d seen him talking to no one sitting in a chair earlier. 

“I – I have to go back to Asgard,” Thor said.

“What?” Tony, Steve, and Clint asked.

“Now,” Bruce said.

Thor nodded seriously. “I think Tony makes a good point,” he said, “this fight shouldn’t come to midgard. It is something that concerns the whole universe and we are not alone.”

“So, you’re going on a recruitment rally,” Tony said with a frown.

“In a way,” Thor said.

It was as cryptic as the time when they were at Clint’s farm and Thor just left them there without too much reason. He’d showed up later and helped to create Vision, and only given them answers later, but Tony knew that if he was leaving he really needed to.

“I must leave at once,” Thor said, “I will be back soon.”

He stood up and just walked out. Star Lord stood up after a few minutes and then sat back down. “So,” he said, “I guess that means I’m staying here for the time being.”

Nothing was decided. Tony knew that they wouldn’t decide on anything without Thor being present but he watched as they all started to dissect in the information in their own ways. He looked towards Steve and Steve smiled a little at him. 

“Do you really want to go out there,” he said, “into space?”

He didn’t, not really. Tony had always had a sense of adventure. It was one of the reasons that being Iron Man worked so well for him. Still, both he and Steve knew what space meant to Tony – what that small glimpse he’d already had, had done to him. But it was necessary. It was what they needed to do. 

“I don’t know,” Tony said, “it just seems the thing to do.”

Steve nodded once. “I – whatever we decided, I’ll stand with you.”

“I know,” Tony said. He linked their hands together.

\---

**Four Months Old**

 

Nothing happened. It had been a whole month and nothing happened aside from some sort of wacko that Spiderman had to deal with for which none of the Avengers could help him because of the still active Accords. Tony had been on comms with Peter the entire time furiously telling Friday to keep him from getting into a suit because he really couldn’t go out there to help when everything was still so precarious with the new amendments. 

In the end, Peter was fine, and Tony blamed him for the grey hair that he found on his head the next morning. 

In the meanwhile, Tony and Natasha worked with the UN to clear Bucky of all charges on the evidence that Bucky had been brainwashed. Tony wanted him to be a recognized member of the Avengers. He needed him to be a part of the team and have the public look past crimes that he had committed when he was a victim. He thought that if they weren’t getting through on the changes at least the UN would come around when it came to Bucky. 

Steve for his part spent the month with Vision and Bruce using any of Tony’s resources to try and find another stone on Earth because he was convinced at least one would be appearing there. He hadn’t found anything yet. 

So life went on and Tony tried not to think about Thanos. Instead he focused his mind on improving everyone’s gadgets and weapons and spending as much time as possible with Arthur who seemed to be growing every day. Still, it was hard to not expect something to happen at any moment and Tony’s pulse shot up any time that he was contacted by Fury or Coulson as if they would be the bearers of the bad news. It was always just updates. They had finally finished investigating the serum his dad was working on when he died and there wasn’t any more out there as far as they could tell. Their concern was making sure that no one ever found out how Howard had come to make, but overall it seemed that if Hydra did still have some players in the game they weren’t going to let themselves be known.

“I think we found something,” Bruce said. He looked rumpled, eyes bloodshot, and his breath was rank. 

Tony who was giving Arthur a bottle raised an eyebrow. “You did,” he said.

“Well, we can’t be sure,” Steve said appearing next to Bruce and looking only slightly less rumpled.

Steve moved closer to Tony, dropping a hand to caress Arthur’s cheek before letting his hand rest on Tony’s back. 

“What did you find then? Color me intrigued,” Tony said.

“We think we found another powered individual in New York,” Bruce said, “but it’s – this person is different. Nothing we’ve come across before but Steve said he recognized the name from some Shield files and there might have something to do with a stone as well.”

Bruce moved around the kitchen as he spoke, preparing himself a cup of tea with fumbling fingers until Steve took over for him. 

“Shield doesn’t have anything on him,” Bruce said, “which doesn’t mean they don’t know anything but we actually don’t know where to find this person.” 

So, it was a dead end. Tony pulled the bottle away from Arthur when he pushed it aside with one hand. 

“Sounds like you don’t have much,” Tony said, “we already know all kinds of powered individuals are popping up. We might as well invite them to join in this fight. Now go get some sleep, Bruce.”

It was strange to be the person telling someone else to get to bed, but Tony supposed as he looked at Arthur, that he would have to do that at some point in the future. 

“Probably best that I do,” Bruce said, “although, these was this thing that—”

“Tomorrow, Bruce,” Steve said as he handed over a cup of steaming tea.

Bruce nodded absently as he walked away and Tony smiled up at Steve. “So does that mean I actually get to see you tonight?”

A whole month had gone by since they’d gotten back together and yet there hadn’t been a lot of time for them to actually spend together seeing as they were both constantly pulled in every direction that most nights it’d be rare if they were both going to bed around the same time, if at all. 

“I think so,” Steve said, “unless you have a million other things to do.”

“None,” Tony said, “I think we both need a night to just relax I guess.”

Steve nodded with a grin. He lifted Arthur out of Tony’s arms to burp him while Tony got rid of the almost empty bottle. 

“He’s almost back asleep,” Steve said, “and hopefully he’ll sleep through the rest of the night.”

“Should,” Tony said, “he has been most nights.”

They walked up together to Arthur’s room and waited until he fell asleep on his own in the crib. He looked so much bigger even though he was still quite small and it sometimes still surprised Tony that he had created him and that he had given birth to him. Tony doubted that he would ever get over that. 

“A few years ago,” Tony said, “I couldn’t have imagined this being my life. Being a father – being with you.”

Steve grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. 

“Well, when I woke up I thought I lost everything,” Steve said.

“You got Bucky back,” Tony pointed out.

Steve fixed him with a glare. “No, but before that, you gave me family. You made us what we are and all of this it’s the cherry on top.”

Tony leaned against Steve and kept watching Arthur for a while longer. Steve’s features were becoming a bit more prominent in his face. It worried Tony a bit that someone outside of their immediate circles would notice that. Of course it wouldn’t make sense to anyone if they did notice. 

It didn’t take long for Arthur’s breathing to even out and Tony led Steve out. They closed the door and walked towards what had become their bedroom instead of just Tony’s even though Steve hadn’t exactly moved himself fully in yet. He still had most of his stuff in the bedroom he’d been using. 

“Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m starving,” Tony said, “I was actually going to get a snack when Arthur woke up.”

“Yeah, I could eat,” Steve said.

Steve could always eat. It wasn’t that he was perpetually hungry, but that he was just rarely full. Tony had always appreciated that about him because it meant that even though Steve had already eaten, he could still join Tony for the meal he’d missed. 

“Do you think Bruce and I actually have something,” Steve said as they exited the room, “that we found something.”

“It’s possible,” Tony said, “and it’s good you guys are looking into that stuff but I really just need to get the UN settled on the accords.”

Tony knew they were close to finishing the amendments and yet he couldn’t help but worry about what the new threat and how they had decided to not tell the UN anything. He supported the choice to not say anything but at the same time he had to wonder if it would just screw them over later. 

“I know,” Steve said, “I know.”

“Pepper’s been updating me on the press coverage of our son,” Tony said when they arrived in the kitchen, “they’re not letting up. Someone actually did dig up the false information on the mother. They also keep calling because they want an interview.”

“And what does your PR say to do?” Steve asked.

Tony sighed. He leaned against the counter while Steve went into the fridge.

“They say it’s up to me. I think they might want to have the information from me rather than statements and that it might make them pull back from being so pushy, but I don’t know that I want to or have the time to be bothered,” Tony said.

It was no one’s business but his and Steve’s and yet the media would be relentless. They had been relentless since they learned about Arthur. Tony didn’t want Arthur to be watched and scrutinized and to constantly have to look over his shoulder just for having him as a father. It wouldn’t be fair. Tony supposed that he could insist no one write about or discuss Arthur but he’d never been one to pressure the media to stop talking about him. 

“No leftovers, but there’s stuff for sandwiches,” Steve said.

“Sounds good,” Tony said.

“Well,” Steve said, “will it drive you crazy if it gets worse if you don’t say anything? I mean does it have to be an interview or a press conference? You could just put something on facebook or whatever.”

Tony laughed. “Oh look at you giving me social media advice. How much you’ve grown.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “Everyone acts like technology should be hard for me. It wasn’t that difficult to pick up on.”

Tony nodded slowly. Steve had picked things up rather quickly mostly due to the serum and his own brilliance, but that didn’t mean that he had understood all the different social media platforms or the internet right away. He was still unsure about most of them and it didn’t help that no one on the team really used social media. There was an Avengers twitter that was rarely used and Tony naturally had everything but he never really had any reason to use it. 

Still, it wasn’t a bad idea to address the world on his own terms. He wouldn’t be the kind of parent that posted pictures of his child online for the world to see, but he could explain things in his own words. 

“It’s a good idea,” Tony said, “I’ll have to talk to Pepper about it.”

The sandwiches were made in no time and they sat down at the kitchen island to eat. It was surprisingly peaceful in the house. Natasha and Wanda had been gone for a few days working with Coulson and Shield while Clint had gone back to his family again. The rest of them were probably sleeping. 

“It’s weird,” Steve said, “knowing that we might be facing something and yet not being able to really do much about it but prepare.”

“Better than being unprepared,” Tony said and then took a bite.

Tony loved the silence that settled over them as they ate; the peaceful uncomplicated silence that wasn’t filled with anything unspoken or any injury or hurt. It was just companionate and Tony had the best person sitting next to him. 

After they finished eating, Tony just led Steve upstairs in silence and then to the bedroom that had become his and Steve’s even though Steve still hadn’t finished moving all his stuff in. It didn’t make much difference in the long run, but it did mean that Tony had more of a reason for wanting to go to bed. 

“I don’t even think I’m tired enough for sleep,” Steve said.

“I think there’s other better things we could be doing,” Tony said. 

He wiggled his eyebrows and Steve laughed but Steve was the one that pulled him into his chest and kissed him. It was gentle at first, a slow and deep exploration that Tony was lost in. He pressed himself close as he could and ran his hands up Steve’s back to his neck and down again, wanting to touch everything. He could never get enough of touching Steve. 

Tony’s hands snuck under Steve’s t-shirt, reaching the warm skin. Steve shivered, and Tony eased the shirt up in a practiced manner. Steve laughed when he had to pull back to take it off, but he pushed Tony to walk back towards the bed as he did and he tossed it somewhere behind them.

The physical side of things had always been easy for Tony. It had been such a natural way to connect to people once, or not just connect but to interact with people and Tony had loved every minute of the casualty of meeting a person, bedding them, and then letting them go the next morning. Tony had never imagined being able to care for anyone or for anyone to truly care about him – at least romantically. But Pepper happened. Then it ended. Then there was Steve and the simplicity of their relationship and the depths to which they cared for one another had made everything different. It had made the betrayal so much harder to accept and yet Tony had always known deep down that he would forgive Steve. He loved him too much not to. 

Steve pressed Tony’s hands over his head on the bed which he kissed down his neck and then back up to meet his lips. He stopped and Tony’s eyes flew open.

“I still can’t believe I still get to do this,” Steve whispered, “I just love you so much, Tony, and I never want this to end.”

Tony couldn’t help his smile. “You’re too mushy,” he said after a moment and pulled his face back down for a deeper kiss, his hands cradling Steve’s face. 

\---

“Sir, there is something you have to see,” Friday said.

Steve who was in the middle of trying out a few of the new improvements Tony had made looked up. Tony hadn’t even heard Friday because he was so concentrated on his own work. 

“What is it, Friday?” Steve asked.

She immediately pulled up the live news which were covering the arrival of Thor apparently in the middle of New York City. The mark from the bifrost was just behind the reporter in view of the camera. 

“It was speculated about a month ago that Thor had reappeared, but no one knew for sure until now,” the reporter was saying, “what is unclear is why he is here now and what the UN will have to say about his reappearance.” 

It then cut to another reporter. 

“I have an eyewitness here who saw Thor’s return. So tell me about it.”

The microphone was put towards the woman who looked a bit nervous. 

“Well I saw this light fall from the sky and then when it cleared they were standing there. It was definitely Thor, I could tell, but I don’t know who was with him. He had long black hair and he looked really familiar to me but I’ve never really followed all this superhero stuff so it might have been another Avenger for all I know.”

Steve didn’t know what to think. He was aware that Thor could have brought anyone with him, but something told him that it wasn’t just anyone. 

“Turn it off, Friday, I’m sure we’ll be hearing from Thor soon,” Steve said. 

“And from the UN,” Friday said, offering her two cents.

Steve nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “that too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> This and other chapters can be found over at my tumblr


	20. And Every Day I Wore Your Face Like An Atmosphere Around Me I'm Happy You're Beside Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the last chapter! We have reached the end and it actually doesn't really feel like it. I like a lot of what I managed to do with this fic, it being a bit of an exploration for me in terms of characters I had never thought to write before and tropes I never thought I'd touch. There is a lot that I wanted to really dive into but had no time or need to for this plot. Overall, though, I did enjoy working on this and I think it ends where I feel like it needs to. So I hope you all like it and a longer note at the bottom. 
> 
> Chapter title comes from Florence and the Machine's "How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful"

“We want answers, Stark.”

Tony had known it was coming ever since it became public knowledge that Thor was back. When Steve had told him about the sighting, he’d prepared himself from the call for a meeting which had come just a few hours later. What hadn’t come was Thor back at the house and they were still waiting for him. Tony had left the house with explicit instruction that they were to contact him if Thor suddenly showed up. 

Steve who was sitting next to him reached over to grab his hand and Tony turned his face slightly to smile at him. It was nice to have the support. It was nicer still because it wasn’t at all like before. This time Tony was sure that he really did have Steve at his side. 

“Thor is back,” Tony said, “that’s all we really know. He is his own man, you know, and while he is an Avenger he is also not from this planet.”

“But he is an Avenger,” one of the council member said, “what does he think about the accords?”

Tony shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know,” he said.

“But he’s back for a reason,” another one said, “he must be.”

Thor’s returned had started something that Tony didn’t know quite how to deal with. They were like a dog with a bone in the way that they wanted to persist on an answer and Tony just didn’t know how he was supposed to approach it without revealing much.

“His girlfriend is on earth,” Steve cut in, “I imagine that he is here to see Jane. He has not told us why he is back. We have not seen him yet.”

Tony gripped Steve’s hand a bit harder and watched as the council members backed down some, but it wouldn’t be the end of the questioning. Tony didn’t know how or why, but he thought they knew that something more was coming. 

One of them raised an eyebrow. “You haven’t seen him,” she said, “or his companion.”

“Are we sure that there was a companion?” Tony asked.

They were sure. They were also almost a ninety percent sure that it was Loki. No one needed to know about that just yet. 

“We are,” another council member said.

“Well, maybe not,” a smiling man said. In Tony’s experience he was the easiest one to deal with. 

“Now that that’s over,” Tony said, quick to change the subject, “what has been decided on Barnes?”

“He will be cleared of his charges, Mr. Stark,” one of them said, “we see no reason for him to face anything in light of the brainwashing. But we do want him to see a psychiatrist who will determine when he can be a part of the team.”

Tony had expected that. He nodded. 

After that it was all talks about the changes they were making and the work that had been done so far. Tony didn’t even care to listen to them go on about it when he knew it didn’t matter. Everything would change once they went against Thanos and Tony knew that he and the rest of the Avengers would do what they had to do to protect the Earth no matter what the Accords said. 

By the time the meeting was over Tony had allowed them to make a few decisions on the changes with input from Steve, but he was more than ready to leave. 

“Hey, you want to go get a bite to eat before we get back,” Steve said when they got back into one of Tony’s sleek and flashy cars. 

Tony let out a breath and he nodded. “Yeah,” he said, “I think we can do that.”

Back when they had gotten together after Ultron he and Steve had had a lot of dates. At the time Steve had been busy with training their new recruits and Tony had put himself on reserve in part because of his guilt but also because he was realizing that there was a lot more for him to do from his workshop when they had plenty of others willing to work on saving the world. 

So, Tony hadn’t immediately moved into the compound and instead he’d stayed in the tower in New York but that didn’t keep Steve away or the two of them from taking long walks, getting dinner or breakfast or on occasion just coffee. It didn’t stop them from spending as much time as possible together and somehow nearly always they ended up asleep together and not just because Tony couldn’t keep his hands off of Steve or vice versa, but because it felt so much better to sleep next to someone else. 

“We can go to that place with those amazing burgers,” Tony said, “near the tower?”

Steve grinned. “Let’s,” he said.

Tony let everything else fall away as he reached over to grab Steve’s hand. It was different than how it used to be, to just be with Steve and not constantly be on high alert because being an Avenger was more important. Tony would never stop being alert or ready for anything, but it was easy to let most of his guard down because it was him and Steve and this was the person that Tony loved and that loved him and that he wanted forever with. 

The place was just like it used to be, a tiny door in the middle of a bustling street. People walked right past it without even noticing it. They didn’t even notice Tony or Steve.

Once it had been so normal to see them there that none of the staff even took real notice, but they did as they entered this time. 

“You’re back,” a girl in her mid twenties said with a grin, “your usual table and your usual order?”

“Yes,” Steve said, “please.”

“Coming right up. It really is nice to see you two. I hope you’re doing well. We’ve been following the news. We didn’t like that you two were fighting,” she said.

“It’s all good now,” Tony said with a smile, “we’re all fixed up.”

She nodded and patted his arm and Tony could see her speaking to the rest of the staff about them and putting in their orders. When she returned with a cup of coffee for Tony and a water for Steve, she stared at Tony for a while. 

“You have a son,” she said.

It was the first time that Tony had ever felt bad about lying about Arthur’s parentage. 

“I do,” Tony said.

She looked between him and Steve. “I, um, I always thought the two of you were together, you know,” she said. 

Steve reached over to grab Tony’s hand on the table. “We are,” he said, “despite that awful fight.”

Her eyes widened. “Oh,” she said, “but the baby?”

Steve squeezed Tony’s hand. “Ours,” Tony said.

“I’m so glad,” she said.

She left them alone after that and Tony sipped at his coffee while staring at Steve.

“Would it be okay,” Tony said, “for everyone to know about us? I mean, it wouldn’t be a bad thing. It might stop people from saying we’re pretending to get along.”

Steve shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t think I’ve ever cared what anyone thought about me. All that matters is that we have each other and what we know. I’m not – it doesn’t bother me that the world won’t ever know that Arthur is a part of both of us biologically because that doesn’t matter. We know the truth, Tony. But if you wanted to tell everyone then you can. You don’t need my permission.”

“I do,” Tony said, “we’re in this together remember. We don’t do anything without being in it together.”

Steve nodded. 

\---

Steve was playing with Arthur in the middle of the living room when Thor finally arrived at the mansion almost a week after he’d arrived back on Earth. He wasn’t alone. Loki was with him and just behind Loki was another man and Steve knew who he was before he had even introduced himself because he fit the description of the man Bruce was searching for. 

“Finally showed up, did you,” Tony said, “it has gotten increasingly harder to try and explain why you might be on Earth without giving everything away. So, what are you doing and why the hell is Loki in my house?”

Loki was surprisingly silent, standing just behind Thor and next to the stranger who Tony hadn’t even paid any mind to.

“It seems that you are correct, Tony,” Thor said.

“Oh,” Tony said, “go on, keep complimenting me.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “What is Tony right about?” he asked.

“I had to consult with Loki,” Thor said, “Loki knows more about Thanos than most and despite what you might think he does not wish for the destruction of the universe.”

Loki shook his head in agreement. “I don’t,” he said, “a bit of panic and mischief is all I’m after.”

“Which doesn’t always end well, does it?” Natasha said, suddenly appearing in the room. 

The stranger stepped forward then, but not towards Natasha. “Your child,” he said, “he was created from magic. It’s very interesting.”

“And who are you?” Tony asked, stepping closer to Steve and Arthur.

“Doctor Strange,” he said, “but it truly is magnificent what magic has done for you. You carried the baby, Mr. Stark?”

Tony nodded cautiously. “I did,” he said.

“In another dimension you might have been a woman and done it the normal way. I think you have. Or in others it was Mr. Rogers that had the task. Every possibility is out there and I fear that all of them in danger of Thanos and the infinity stones.”

Steve gapped at Doctor Strange and only managed to look from him to Tony before his eyes snapped back to Strange. Tony’s lips were quirking up.

“So first you bring Star Lord who really doesn’t seem to understand ipods but is from outer space where he has technology we’ve never even heard of, and now this magician who thinks he has proof that multiple dimensions exist. Next you’ll tell me that he also knows how to time travel.”

Doctor Strange smiled. “There is a sort of time travel, yes,” he said.

When Steve finally regained his words, it was to ask, “where is Bruce? He should be here for this.”

“Everyone should,” Loki said, “if this is the way you plan to defeat anyone I wonder how you defeated me at all.”

Thor shot Loki a look and his brother rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else. 

Tony’s shock seemed to have worn off too because he invited everyone to sit down while they waited for the rest of the team to be found. In the meanwhile, Steve noticed that he had a far away look, the kind that he got before he went on a research binge. It probably had a lot to do with Doctor Strange who was dressed in a long red cape and had some sort of medallion hanging from his neck that made Steve feel a little odd. 

When Bruce finally showed up, he was followed by Bucky. They both stopped short. 

“You,” Bruce said, “I’ve been trying to find you everywhere.”

Doctor Strange chuckled. “You need an invitation of sorts,” he said, “but I was aware of your search.”

Wanda seemed wary when she entered with Vision at her side and she stuck to Vision’s side not saying a word. Sam and Clint arrived together with Scott close behind them, his girlfriend nowhere to be found. 

“So,” Tony said, “what are we doing?”

“Our only option is as you said, Tony,” Thor said, looking around at all of them, “we must take the fight to Thanos. He will not stop and he will only grow stronger as he searches and finds the stones. It will be difficult and—”

Loki snorted. “My dear brother is understating the matter. It won’t just be difficult. It will be nearly impossible,” he said.

“But we must do this,” Thor said, “for the good of the universe.”

They really had no other way. No exit to take to get away or hide because if they did nothing then Thanos would win and who knew what might happen but. But then again, they would be risking everything and if they lost all hope would be lost anyway.

Arthur was gumming at a set of plastic keys. Steve watched him and he wished that his son’s future wasn’t filled with so much uncertainty. 

“We go out into space – wherever that means – and we stop him,” Tony said and he nodded. 

“Waiting here is not an option, then?” Clint asked.

Thor shook his head and he looked far more serious than Steve thought he’d ever seen him. There was something different about Thor. Steve didn’t know if it was because the weight of the universe was on them or something else, but he seemed to hold himself differently. 

“It would be preferable that Thanos not reach Earth,” Doctor Strange said, “we are not prepared for a threat of that level not to mention of course the accords.”

Tony cursed. “We’ll have to tell them,” he said, “I really didn’t want to do this but we’re going to have to tell them.”

Steve knew Tony was right. There was nothing else for it. If they were leaving and making an attempt at stopping Thanos then the right people needed to know that if they didn’t manage to stop him, that they would need to prepare themselves for the worst. 

“We’ll all be there,” Natasha offered, “but you’re right, we have to tell the world and the UN.”

\---

It didn’t take long for all their plans to come together. Tony felt like he was walking through a dream in which every moment that he spent with Arthur felt like it could be the last one. They informed Fury and Coulson and anyone that needed to know within Shield and then they started to plan because while The Avengers were certainly all going to face the threat, Earth would still need some protection and Tony was hoping that all those other individuals popping up would serve as that second line of defense. He had Friday find them all and pass the information to Shield. 

Telling the UN they put off until the end so that on the very day they were leaving, about two weeks after Thor had returned, Tony finally brought it up. 

It was supposed to be the meeting to finalize the new amendments and Tony knew that he was throwing a wrench into their plans. He knew that he was essentially just changing the outcome of everything but it was necessary. 

Pepper and Rhodey went with him mostly because they wanted to spend as much time as they could with him and because while Steve was also with them he was staying outside with Arthur because neither he or Tony wanted to be too far away from their son. It was going to be the hardest part of all of it, saying goodbye to Arthur and hoping that they would see him again. No, they would. They would see him again. 

“Calm down, Tones,” Rhodey said, “you can’t go in there looking all worried.”

Tony nodded. 

“And I still think that the public needs to know,” Pepper said, “because it’s the secret keeping and the surprise aliens or crazy AIs that scare them.”

Ever since Tony had filled her in on what they were doing, she had been pushing Tony to hold some sort of press conference to speak to the public. Tony knew that she had a point, but he could also recognize what it would turn into. They would bring up Arthur and other personal questions about the “war” and the accords and everything in between and Tony didn’t know how he could handle that. 

“The UN might want you do that,” Rhodey pointed out, “I mean, if not a whole press conference they will want something put out there and it’s better that we have control of what is said, don’t you think?”

Tony nodded thoughtfully and then he sighed. “Alright,” he said, “fine. You can set something up, Pepper, make sure the whole team is there. I think we’ll need the united front.”

It would be time lost from spending with Arthur but Tony figured it was necessary if Pepper was pushing for it, since Pepper was nearly always right about those things. 

They entered the conference room where they were meeting with the UN representatives. Most of them were already there and they greeted Tony, Pepper, and Rhodey politely. It didn’t take much longer for everyone else to arrive. 

“Mr. Stark, we were supposed to meet next week. The proposal is not ready yet,” a woman said, “why have you asked for this meeting?”

Tony suddenly wished that Steve was with him. It might have made things just a little bit easier. 

“There is a new threat,” Tony said and let the words hang between them for a moment, “it’s why Thor’s returned. He came to tell us about it.”

“So, it’s aliens,” one of the council members said.

“And they’re headed to Earth?” another asked.

Tony could tell that they were panicking already. He looked towards Rhodey and then Pepper, but Pepper was busy on her phone and Rhodey seemed to only offer support. 

“Well, eventually, yes,” Tony said, “but we don’t want them to. We don’t want to put anyone on this planet in any danger.”

He waited to see if they could infer on their own but no one did. They seemed to be waiting for him to finish speaking instead. 

“We plan to go with Thor to face the threat out in space,” Tony said, “it seems to be the only way that this will work for us and furthermore it takes us out of the jurisdiction of this council.”

He gave them a moment to take that in and there were mixed reactions. Some seemed to be in agreement with the ideas, others looked concerned and worried, and a few even looked angry. 

“And what if you fail, what then, Mr. Stark?”

“I will be leaving my AI in charge of a few Iron Man suits that she alone with the supervision of Pepper will be able to use and as you know from the number of individuals that have signed the Accords from Shield or outside of Shield that there are certainly people capable of protecting the Earth.”

They whispered amongst themselves. 

“I want to add,” Tony said and he stood up, “I want to add that this isn’t up for discussion. We are not asking for permission. We are telling you what we are doing as a courtesy to the accords and the amendments that are still being discussed. That said, this meeting is over.”

Tony moved to walk away and Rhodey and Pepper stood up as well. Before he had reached the door one of the council members spoke:

“When will you go?” he asked.

“We leave tonight,” Tony said. 

\---

The press conference happened in a hotel ball room. Chairs had been brought in and placed around the room and a huge table was set up for all the Avengers to sit behind. Tony had even allowed Peter to come with the requirement that he wear his suit and keep his identity secret. About half of them were already in their Avengers gear. Tony hadn’t bothered, but the armor stood sentient in a corner just in case. 

From the moment that they had stepped out it had been chaos. The reporters couldn’t help themselves in trying to get their answers and despite being told to wait for questions at the end, they weren’t waiting. 

“Quiet down now,” Tony said into his microphone, “we will answer questions at the end but for now there is a reason we decided to do this. Well that and my CEO really wanted us to keep the public informed.”

There were a few scattered laughs. 

They explained together, all of them bringing in their own part of the information to show the united front that they had going. They weren’t going to tell them everything, but just enough. 

“From the moment that the rest of the universe knew that the Earth was protected – that we had the means and technology and such we have wound up having to deal with challenges. This one is just one more of those,” Steve said, “and so we must do what we need to do to save our planet and everyone that lives in it.”

One of the reporters stood up. “But there have been casualties,” she said, “constant casualties all the time whenever any of your team goes out to fight one of these threats.”

“People die all the time,” Tony said, “and sometimes it because of an error of judgment from us but other times it comes from other human errors. We are trying to keep this fight from coming here, but it might. This is why we’re here to inform the public that we will do our best but that it may not be enough.”

A few nodded. 

They opened the floor for questions. 

The first few related to what they were going to be doing and they tried their best to answer without giving too much away. Then, they became more personal.

“Last year you and Captain America fought because of the Sokovia Accords and now you sit beside each other along with the man we all thought to be a murderer. If this is the case now, why couldn’t it be so earlier?”

“Well,” Tony said, “all great friendships come with some strife and disagreement but we’ve worked through it.”

“We’re stronger for it,” Steve said.

Tony watched him from the corner of his eye, and couldn’t help a small fond smile. 

“And what will happen to your son, Mr. Stark?”

Tony had known it was coming. “Arthur will be staying with a trusted family friend. He will be here giving all of us even more of a reason to take care of this matter quickly.”

By family friend, Tony meant Clint’s wife who had happily and only too quickly agreed to take Arthur while they were gone. Tony didn’t think he was ready to part with his son.

“And can you tell us more about how your son came to be, Mr. Stark, all we got was a statement that said you claimed paternity and that the mother died. Nothing else. Will Arthur have a mother figure in his life in the future?”

“Those are very invasive questions,” Tony said and he felt Steve grab his hand. It was so hard to not just admit that Steve was as much a father to Arthur as Tony was. 

“He will have our support,” Natasha said, “all of the Avengers.”

One reporter, and she was familiar to Tony although he couldn’t place her exactly stood up and straightened her skirt before smiling at Tony. “Does that include Mr. Rogers?” She asked, “after all, it seems that any time we get some sort of picture of Arthur he is present as well as Mr. Stark.”

Tony remembered her then. Christine Everhart. 

“Ms. Everhart,” Tony said, “oh, yes, I do remember you.”

She looked only startled for a moment before a smirk settled on her lips. 

“The rumors of a romance between Steve Rogers and I are – well, they’re not exaggerated at all and he is Arthur’s father.”

Steve gasped. Christine sat down with a smirk and around them the rest of the reporters went crazy. 

Tony turned to look at Steve and while all the noise around them started to settle down he whispered, “hey, you want to get hitched after we get back from space?”

Steve broke out into laughter. “And here I thought I was going to be the one asking.”

“Is that a yes then?” Tony asked.

Steve nodded through a laugh. “Of course it’s a yes. It’s all I want, to spend the rest of my life with you.” 

It was Steve that pulled Tony into a kiss that Tony fell into without much struggle, almost losing himself to it except that all the noise and the whooping from Clint and Bucky kept him from really forgetting where they were. When he pulled away, Steve was blushing and Tony let him hide his face against his shoulder when he looked out at the press who looked a mixture of surprised and happy and a few confused. None of it mattered. It was him and Steve and they were going to save the universe for the world and for their son and when they got back Tony would throw a huge party and surprise everyone when he and Steve got married right in the middle of it. He pressed a kiss to Steve’s forehead. He had to believe. He had to hope. Everything needed to turn out right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This ending is very open. And it's done deliberately. So I actually didn't know what the ending would be for this fic which is usually something I know when I begin writing. I know the beginning and the end - but I didn't allow myself to think that far when it came to this fic and I just went with what I wanted to happen even when that meant changing things or doing things I hadn't thought to do like introducing characters for very minor parts. When it was winding down I did heavily consider what is coming next for the MCU and where things will be headed which is Thanos and a collaboration between many characters. So it's something that I touch on here. I didn't want to go into the whole Thanos of it all however, it would feel like a different fic to try to deal with that, but this is primarily about seeing Steve and Tony in such a scenario as this one coming together after Civil War which does entail dealing with what happens next to an extent. 
> 
> It has been a lot of fun to write this and I will definitely miss it. Thank you to everyone that read this and commented and just stayed to read through to the end. You are the best. 
> 
> This and other chapters can also be found on my [my tumblr](http://inawickedlittletown.tumblr.com/post/150779765892/cosmic-love-part-twenty-and-every-day-i-wore)


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